jen_r Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Honest to god. This is horrible. I try and fool myself that I am over him and don't care, cause I feel like thats the only way to try to move on. It doesn't work. It only backfires. I tell him: I want nothing to do with him, he makes me sick, he doesn't deserve me. Even though I believe he doesn't deserve me, I still cry. I contact him - he blantanly(sp?) ignores me. I had to walk home @ 4AM tonite, called him/texted him asking him to please talk to me while I walked home. Nothing. I know he was awake. He only wanted me in the picture before because he wanted to talk to me/sleep with me. Just didn't want the responsibility of being a BF to me. I let him use me, again. He won't admit it. Says I'm playing the victim. Ummm, no. I AM the victim. D!ck. I pray for the day that I don't miss him anymore. I pray for the day when he doesn't cross my mind. My life is absolutely miserable and I hate it. I dont wanna f**king cry anymore, christ. You've ruined my spirit Jared. I bet you feel great for getting to me like this.
nowomanocry Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Honest to god. This is horrible. I try and fool myself that I am over him and don't care, cause I feel like thats the only way to try to move on. It doesn't work. It only backfires. I tell him: I want nothing to do with him, he makes me sick, he doesn't deserve me. Even though I believe he doesn't deserve me, I still cry. I contact him - he blantanly(sp?) ignores me. I had to walk home @ 4AM tonite, called him/texted him asking him to please talk to me while I walked home. Nothing. I know he was awake. He only wanted me in the picture before because he wanted to talk to me/sleep with me. Just didn't want the responsibility of being a BF to me. I let him use me, again. He won't admit it. Says I'm playing the victim. Ummm, no. I AM the victim. D!ck. I pray for the day that I don't miss him anymore. I pray for the day when he doesn't cross my mind. My life is absolutely miserable and I hate it. I dont wanna f**king cry anymore, christ. You've ruined my spirit Jared. I bet you feel great for getting to me like this. I am sorry you are going through this , really felt like I was you, the pain your going through Well, I am not gona get into usual advice, forget him, do thi do that, pretend as if he was never there etc.etc. Please know that we are here, I had a very similar experience, there are loads on this site feeling the same, so you always have someone to talk to ..... Last but not least, please don't change, protect that great heart of yours, we need you TC hun xx
leoine Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Hang in there! You're already doing great by realising that he's not for you and there will be someone more deserving of you. I would go NC. It worked for me. Although it was bloody hard for the 1st month. I know it's hard. You miss them. You just want to talk to them because they were the one you used to go to. I felt all the same things that you were going through - I just wanted to stop feeling sad (sometimes I was rushing to get home to cry) and empty in my life. And then I came to the realisation that my life wasn't revolving around him, I put myself first and decided that I was going to love myself first. And then I got busy and concentrated on ME, getting my old life back BEFORE him. And then slowly, slowly (it might be quicker for some people) - he didn't really cross my mind that much. I realised that I could waste all this energy grieving over him and wanting him to be someone he's not OR I could put all that energy elsewhere. Accepting that its over is the biggest hurdle IMHO - afterwards, you can put all the energy in the anger to some other use; making yourself better and then, attracting that person you deserve and deserve's you. that's just my 2 cents.
Author jen_r Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 I realised that I could waste all this energy grieving over him and wanting him to be someone he's not OR I could put all that energy elsewhere. Accepting that its over is the biggest hurdle IMHO - afterwards, you can put all the energy in the anger to some other use; making yourself better and then, attracting that person you deserve and deserve's you. that's just my 2 cents. I know. I hate wasting this time just crying over him. I wish I could put this time to positive use. I think the reason this one hurts the most is because he's the first person I ever really gave my heart to and trusted whole heartedly. I've never been able to do that, and I did it with him and I just got burned by it. It isn't fair. I wish I didn't waste these thoughts and feelings on someone who didn't deserve it. They should have been saved for someone I was going to spend my life with.
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