CLC2008 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 That's why you never use the term "meet up" or "hang out". So, I asked this girl out last week... actually, I thought I did. I asked her "hey, would you like to meet up sometime?". She said yes, what would you like to do? I said coffee. My first mistake was using the term "meet up". This could imply meeting up as friends do. Thing is, I was not her friend and it was clear that I was interested in her. I should have made it clearer by using a stronger term than meet up. My second mistake was not setting a place, date and time. This girl and I, we share a class together. Today, I sat next to her and one word to describe her would be... cold. I was cheery as usual and she seemed reluctant to talk to me. This was in contrast to our prior meetings where she was also asking questions about me. So, I stayed quite a little while and then I asked her "we're still on for our date right?". Here's where what I said before comes back to haunt me (well, I thought it was this). She says "I don't recall ever agreeing to a date". I said "last week...". She replied, in an annoyed tone, "you said coffee - coffee doesn't mean a date". Okay, so I thought it was "meet up" that confused her but coffee?! Anyways, I asked her "so that's a no then?" and she says "coffee is fine but a date..." (She didn't actually say no but I figured she didn't want to hurt me). So, she would have coffee with me but not under the agreement that it is a date. Now, what I thought was if I have this "date" with her, it's to get to know her better and to see if we're compatible. Thus, if it doesn't go well, there's no second date. If it does go well, I'll ask for her on second date. Simple? It's not as though you're committing to a relationship from the first date. I think that is what she though and this whole idea of "dating" spooked her. Most important, I'll concede, she probably wasn't even that interested, which is more than fair enough. I could have been straight to the point and asked her out using "go out" or "go on a date". Needless to say, after that, when class finished, she walked straight out without saying anything to me. Am I gutted? Not really. I'm not feeling very upset or angry about this. I made up my mind that she's just not that interested and I'm not going to have coffee with her. Will I sit next to her next class and classes after? No. Will I initiate a conversation with her again? No, but I will smile and say hi when I see her. What do you guys think? It sounds like she thought you were approaching her as a friend initially versus romantically and when you asked her about it later, she was clarifying that it was not an actual "date". Though she didn't have to be so mean about it when you asked her about it during class and it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or offensive, so her loss.
Author counterman Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 It sounds like she thought you were approaching her as a friend initially versus romantically and when you asked her about it later, she was clarifying that it was not an actual "date". Though she didn't have to be so mean about it when you asked her about it during class and it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or offensive, so her loss. I agree, she probably did think I was just being friendly when approaching her. She is a friend of a friend of mine but, in the case of the initiating meeting, it was only used as an introduction, which probably explained why she would think that I am a friend. But soon after that, I did flirt and banter a little. I wasn't rude to her at all at any stage. So, it was better to know that she had that side to her sooner rather than later. It's all good!
CLC2008 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I agree, she probably did think I was just being friendly when approaching her. She is a friend of a friend of mine but, in the case of the initiating meeting, it was only used as an introduction, which probably explained why she would think that I am a friend. But soon after that, I did flirt and banter a little. I wasn't rude to her at all at any stage. So, it was better to know that she had that side to her sooner rather than later. It's all good! You should bring her coffee to class next time and say something like "here is that coffee I mentioned, that will be $2.00 please".
Author counterman Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 You should bring her coffee to class next time and say something like "here is that coffee I mentioned, that will be $2.00 please". Her face would be priceless! It'll be like "WTF?!:mad:"
Author counterman Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Well, today, a week from when I had that unpleasant conversation with that girl, I didn't sit next to her in class. Frankly, I do not want to pretend to be her friend after she was rude to me. Plus, I think she has an ego. That just put me right off. So, I sat next to my two other good mates. My friend asked me "how come you aren't sitting next to her?" I replied "she was rude to me, and I do not want to sit next to her". Halfway through class, my friend turns around and asks this other guy a question. She looks over and my friend asks her. Then, there was some friendly banter. And, the guy that was behind my friends and I, moved and sat next to her and then my friend moved to the seat behind his own and spoke to her. Exactly what it sounds like; they all gravitate towards her. Man, that must have boosted her ego. I was left with my other friend and I just focused on my work. I didn't make eye contact with her once. I think it's fine that my friends like her and I have no problem with that but, after class, my friend starts to question my judgement on her and even goes as far to suggest that it was my fault that she was rude and that maybe my questions were boring hat's why she was rude to me. He went on about how friendly she is and how nice. It's funny how some people can get away with so much just because of the way they look. It's been happening through out my life. I look like the bad guy in all of this. Honestly, though, I don't tolerate any crap like that, any I'm-too-good-for-you attitude. I've been with genuinely nice girls, and they don't have egos. Was I right to stick to what I thought and just not sit next to her? Or should I still have been friendly and keep talking to her?
Leia Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Was I right to stick to what I thought and just not sit next to her? Or should I still have been friendly and keep talking to her? I would have done the same thing and that is to sit elsewhere. Your friends weren't around when she was rude with you so of course, they don't see it. She's probably friendly with them cos she prefers them over you but ya know, whatever. There are plenty of other girls in the university. As for me, I'm doing alright. My head's spinning right now and it's not even funny. I close my eyes and it's as if the room is spinning and collapsing around me. Weird. I have a few more pages to write and then I'm done with this literature review. For now.
start-fresh Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Well, today, a week from when I had that unpleasant conversation with that girl, I didn't sit next to her in class. Frankly, I do not want to pretend to be her friend after she was rude to me. Plus, I think she has an ego. That just put me right off. So, I sat next to my two other good mates. My friend asked me "how come you aren't sitting next to her?" I replied "she was rude to me, and I do not want to sit next to her". Halfway through class, my friend turns around and asks this other guy a question. She looks over and my friend asks her. Then, there was some friendly banter. And, the guy that was behind my friends and I, moved and sat next to her and then my friend moved to the seat behind his own and spoke to her. Exactly what it sounds like; they all gravitate towards her. Man, that must have boosted her ego. I was left with my other friend and I just focused on my work. I didn't make eye contact with her once. I think it's fine that my friends like her and I have no problem with that but, after class, my friend starts to question my judgement on her and even goes as far to suggest that it was my fault that she was rude and that maybe my questions were boring hat's why she was rude to me. He went on about how friendly she is and how nice. It's funny how some people can get away with so much just because of the way they look. It's been happening through out my life. I look like the bad guy in all of this. Honestly, though, I don't tolerate any crap like that, any I'm-too-good-for-you attitude. I've been with genuinely nice girls, and they don't have egos. Was I right to stick to what I thought and just not sit next to her? Or should I still have been friendly and keep talking to her? I don't know, they don't sound like very good friends. They sound more like the typical guys eating out of an attractive girls hand to me. It probably gives them a little ego boost because she rejected you and is now giving them attention. From what you've told us here, you did the right thing.
Author counterman Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I would have done the same thing and that is to sit elsewhere. Your friends weren't around when she was rude with you so of course, they don't see it. She's probably friendly with them cos she prefers them over you but ya know, whatever. There are plenty of other girls in the university. As for me, I'm doing alright. My head's spinning right now and it's not even funny. I close my eyes and it's as if the room is spinning and collapsing around me. Weird. I have a few more pages to write and then I'm done with this literature review. For now. I reckon she does prefer them over me but that doesn't really bother me. I saw a side of her that disgusts me and I can't stand to go through that again. She's not all that but she thinks she is. There are plenty of other girls but I am feeling a little jaded. Seems like you have a lot going on and heaps on your mind. And that literature review looks as though it's taking a long time to do, so it's awesome that there are a few more pages I hope all other things are well.
Author counterman Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I don't know, they don't sound like very good friends. They sound more like the typical guys eating out of an attractive girls hand to me. It probably gives them a little ego boost because she rejected you and is now giving them attention. From what you've told us here, you did the right thing. One of them is pretty cool and I just met him this year. He's friendly to everyone. The other one... he's easily influenced by attractive girls. I think he's the type to go out with an attractive girl even if she's treating him like crap. It's more of an ego boost for one of them and other one is just cool. Though I have had friends who would give back up to a girl who would be insulting or rude to me. I just don't accept anything that is below what I deserve. It's demeaning. When I first saw her, she looked like this quiet, precious girl who is studious and nice. But, she is really precious in another way, in the princess sort of way, a princess who thinks she deserves a Brad Pitt and anything she wants.
Leia Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Even if she does, so what? You have a lot to offer and I'm just happy that she isn't the one that is going to have it all from you . She's probably enjoying the attention and rubbing it in your face. Haha, as if you care. I'll go about doing my own thing and I'm sure you will do just that. I agree with Amistad about your friends. It's sad that they actually told you there's nothing wrong with that girl. Slowly, they'll see the ugly side of her. If not, then they belong in the same group! Yea. This isn't the only literature review I have to work on. After I hand in this one, there will be another one I have to work on and another one, AND another one! It's never-ending ... until I get my PhD!
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I am a dating novice, when someone asks me to "hey let's meet up for coffee"-I am really literal about it. Then when I am asked "let's go out for a drink", my response is usually " Thank you, but I do not drink"-which is the truth. I am not turning the person down just turning the kind of activity he is inviting me to. Anyway, I guess I agree with you then (given the confusion) that if you actually want to ask a girl for a date, you should actually make yourself clearer. Good luck!
Author counterman Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Even if she does, so what? You have a lot to offer and I'm just happy that she isn't the one that is going to have it all from you . She's probably enjoying the attention and rubbing it in your face. Haha, as if you care. I'll go about doing my own thing and I'm sure you will do just that. I agree with Amistad about your friends. It's sad that they actually told you there's nothing wrong with that girl. Slowly, they'll see the ugly side of her. If not, then they belong in the same group! Yea. This isn't the only literature review I have to work on. After I hand in this one, there will be another one I have to work on and another one, AND another one! It's never-ending ... until I get my PhD! Yep, that's what I did. I did my own work and assignment and didn't bother with what all the fuss is about. She loved every bit of the attention. I don't really care but it bugged me when my friend would question my own judgement. I mean, is he gonna believe anything a pretty girl tosses him? So, if she says that I was jerk to her, I swear he would probably believe in and we've known each other for years! I don't think they will see the ugly side of her if all they're doing is joking around with each other and just bantering, nothing serious. I actually think that me approaching her and asking her out boost her ego heaps and now she thinks that all my friends and this other guy wants her. I also think it's all planned. She sits so close to the other guys that it's hard to say anything to her. All she has to do is tease and laugh and voila. Blah, who cares. I have a lot of work to do... But not as much as you! So so many literature reviews... it would drive me nuts as well. But, when you do finish all of that and get your PhD, you'll be so hardened that any problem will roll right off you and you'll be able to take on anything
Author counterman Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 I am a dating novice, when someone asks me to "hey let's meet up for coffee"-I am really literal about it. Then when I am asked "let's go out for a drink", my response is usually " Thank you, but I do not drink"-which is the truth. I am not turning the person down just turning the kind of activity he is inviting me to. Anyway, I guess I agree with you then (given the confusion) that if you actually want to ask a girl for a date, you should actually make yourself clearer. Good luck! If someone your interested asked you to go out for a drink and you reply with that you do not drink, would he asks you to do something else then or would you? Yeah, I don't like beating around the bush. If a date is what I want, I'll be clear about it so that there is no confusion or ambiguity. I hope being direct isn't too upfront for some!
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If someone your interested asked you to go out for a drink and you reply with that you do not drink, would he asks you to do something else then or would you? If I am interested in him? Absolutely!
Author counterman Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 It turns out that that girl is interested in one of my friends and he is interested in her as well! They met up today and I think he's going to ask her out. I spoke to him and he said he was interested in two girls. One of them is my friend and she already has a boyfriend, so that counts her out. As for the other girl, she's the subject of this thread. Now, the situation played out that all three of them had class together. My friend decided to talk mostly with the girl who already has a boyfriend to spark jealousy out of the other girl. I was wondering, is this a good idea? Seems like a dangerous game to play. I mean, if she finds out, she'll lose all trust. Also, I told him that I asked her out and that it's all cool if he goes ahead and asked her out. She actually told him that I asked her out as well and actually thought that he wouldn't know me, which I thought was really weird (because I introduced myself to her mentioning his name). I encouraged him to do so before he gets friend-zoned. He seems really happy and I am happy for him too.
Author counterman Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 So, that girl I asked out weeks ago is not really into my other friend, and I think he really likes her. They've been really affectionate with each other in public. What I am concerned about is how this will affect my friendship with him. He said that he will never ask this girl out because of how she treated me but his actions beg to differ. One thing I know is my opinion of her will not change. One of my friends questioned my judgement and that really put me off. I trust my judgement over all elses. If she does end up with my friend, how should I act between them? I am seriously not going out of my way to be welcoming.
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