did i wait too long, whats it all mean?

[jsm7977]

hi, im jeremy

let me start by saying my wife and i have a love we both have always said and known was so powerful and rare noone understood us. and i know that love is still there.

 

my wife is 27. she got pregnant at 15. she was very promiscuous as a teenager and never knew who the dad was until recently. she was from tx. she was abandoned by her dad and was raised poor by a single mom until the typical military, extremely abusive stepdad came around. when she got pregnant they shipped her across the country to md. after the baby came they lived in md together again and the abuse continued. she lived under his roof with his rules and was powerless with her own kid and herself for the first 3 years. she moved out once after 3 years and failed and came hoe to the same environment until i met her when her daughter was 5. her child was obese because she was spoiled, very whiney, and very needy.

we met at a restaraunt/bar. she (my wife was the pursuer) later that nite we exchanged numbers. we kissed goodnight and right then i knew this girl was special from just a simple kiss. i called the next day and we hung out with her daughter. at the time i was going thru a nasty divorce and custody battle. I told her shortly after dating that i didnt want her to bring her kid for awhile because i hadnt seen my son in 3-4 months and it was too hard on me. (which is still a sore point with her) but she agreed. after a month i started seeing my son nad her daughter came around. she was sweet but had alot of issues. my wife her daughter and my son all got along great. but her daughter didnt like me from the get as did her parents not like me. i had my own house and was stealing her parents crutches i suppose? we had discussed chilld discipline and agreed we would each be able to discipline the others child. well her daughter would test me. she had her mom wrapped around her finger and she knew it. she was so used to getting whatever she wanted and i didnt raise my son that way. she would pike her food up at the table on purpose if she didnt like her dinner. i spanked her butt once for it an left a mark (which is still a sore point) as did i pop her in the mouth a little bit and her lipd had a couple drops of blood ( stilla sore point) my wife and i argued and cried about it and she forgave me. after 18 months of karate and good eating habits her kid looked like a million bucks and was happy. look, i didnt know how to raise a little girl with those sort of issues and i did what i thought would work whenever she did wrong. looking back we should have disciplined our own kids i think. after 18 months her parents decided to move from md to nc. her parents snatched her kid after i left for work and while my wife was in the shower on a 5year old temp custody order granted to them so her kid had medical benefits. my wife initially wanted to leave becaus they said as long as she was with me she would never get her back. this was a major source of stress and arguments for us but i remained very supportive and pushed her to fight this in court. backtrack- after we moved in together in 3 months of meeting i eventually broke off all ties with any females i had been talking too. let me make it clear i NEVER dated any of them, just talked. ( but since we were dating this too is a sore point still) fast forward back to where i was- during this stressful time in our relationship, for immature, selfish reasons i looked to a couple other women for egotistical type of support and my wife found out (still a sore point) i apologized and she forgave me and we moved on and loved hard again. after 18 months of her daughter being gone her parents let her come back to us in md. while she was gone we had gotten engaged and married. when her kid came back she was obese again. i promised to help her with it and buy her a dress after every 10lbs she lost. i kept my promise and even taught her how to do cartwheels. but when she would get in trouble and i would start to get mad my wife would step in and unintentionally made me look like the bad guy again. well my wife lost her job soon after she came home and had a surgery and got hooked REAL BAD on painkillers. now look let me make it clear, i was no angel either. i needed meds to keep my mood level but refused and instead was taking anabolic steroids which led to nasty things coming out of my mouth sometimes. my wifes addiction got so bad and i had no idea she was even addicted until she almost died one night and i saved her life...LITERALLY! during her addiction she would lash out, was majorly depressed about no work and my prior indiscretions and said some hurtful sexual natured things towards me. she was a shell of her former self. this led to me again looking to another woman for emotional support. LET ME SAY NOT ONCE DID I EVEN REMOTELY CROSS THE PHYSICAL LINE. NEVER. I LOVED MY WIFE AND STILL DO MORE THAN ANYTHING OR ANYONE I HAVE EVR KNOWN. then i lost my job and lied cheated and stole to hold things down for us during her layoff, addiction, etc. she got our only 2 vehicles repossessed because she couldnt remember to pay the bills even tho the money was there she was so bad. then on our 1 year anniversary i came home to a ransacked house and no wife. she had asked me for help and i tried my best to ween her down but she needed professional help. so she had called her folks without me knowing and had them come after i left to ransack the house of important and sentimental things and she left for nc to go to rehab.

AGAIN, LET ME SAY NO MATTER WHAT WAS GOING ON WE LOVED AS HARD AS 2 PEOPLE CAN LOVE, WE WERE SPECIAL, REAL SPECIAL.

after a week of her being there she called me crying begging me to bring her home because they refused to take her to rehab and actually got her more pills and told her she would soon forget about me. so i went and got her and we staged a getaway while her stepdad went to town. she said she wanted to leave her kid there while she got healthy and then would go get her. so i got her in rehab, she got clean in a week and has been clean ever since. we both got crappy cars and i got a good job. when she called to get her daughter her kid said she didnt want to come home and she wanted her mom without me. after a week of my wife being home i contacted that other woman i looked to for emotional support and told her i was sorry i couldnt talk to her anymore or something like that. my wife found out and was deeply hurt. and hurt because i didnt say i was married just that i was with someone. and i dont blame her. but she forgave me and we went on loving as hard as ever, yet her kid was gone and that along with the last contact with the woman and my priors was always a source of anguish for her. but she loved me hard anyway and i did too.

after a year or so her mom left her stepdad and for the 3rd time i was told i needed meds to control my mood and we needed counseling which i had refused in the past or else our marriage was in serious trouble. so i did it all and did it quick. she said if i did all these things we would be fine and as long as she could go visit her kid once or twice a month which she had been doing we would be fine because we agree if she didnt want to come home that was her kids decision and we werent going to let the next 7 years until she reached 18 dictate how we would live our nexy 50 married. so after 2 weeks of meds she started seeing the difference as did i and the counseling was seeming to help too. then one day she said we needed to seperate from january till june so she could go to nc, heal our marriage and heal her relationship with her kid and then she would come home with her. so i was very supportive and we came up with our plan. we spent that new years loving and laughing and after we made our plan we loved better than we had ever loved i think. it was great and she seemed so proud of me and my reactions and actions. she said she was glad the man she always knew i was was here. we procrastinated packing till the last week and that last week was very tense and the occasional emotional argument and make up session ensued. when she left i helped her in every way. i let her take what ever she wanted which wasnt alot since she said she knew she was coming home, i loaded her car up on a uhaul truck and trailer and off she went.

the first month we talked, texted or emailed a few times a day. she was always saying how much she loved me and her son(my kid) and how she couldnt wait to see me in 3 weeks for her visit and how in a few months it would all be over and this was a daily thing. she came to visit without her kid but said she wanted to come next time, she was standoffish at first but within hours we were US again. laughing, loving and it was normal. she couldnt find work down there and had no money but was staying in the guest house on her step dads property and had no car paymentso the 300 i gave her when she left should last her 3 weeks. we kissed and hugged and said see you in another 3 weeks and it would be over soon. well a week after she left the first time she called saying her mom got cancer and i got scared knowing her moms needy manipulating ways. then a couple days after her visit she said she talked to her stepdad and revealed our plan and how much she loved me and was coming home and apparently he was supportive and told her to cut the apron strings with her mom. and my wife called me saying this and how much she loved me and didnt want to be like her mom and how we would be together soon. then a week after that she called and said she finally relaized who the dad of her kid was, his name was something Cantrell ( i forgot what she said his first name was) and that he is in tx, has no kids and apparently is a good guy according to her old friends. and how she thought she should contact him and see if he wants to be a part of her kids life. I disareed respectfully and was supportive but told her i would never be able to rebuild my relationship with her kid if she did this and it would cause problems for us somehow. so we agreed for her to contact him, advise him he has a kid but she didnt want anything but his info so that when she came of age she could contact him if she wanted to. then aweek went by as normal we talked a few times a day and it was all lovey dovey see you soon it will be over in 4 months, etc. then last saturday at 2pm i got the last email that was all lovey dovey. all day went by without anything else which was unlike her. well when she had told me about this guy in tx i said well you got a facebook and myspace so it shouldnt be hard to find him. now, i knew she had a myspace but she always denied facebook even when i said that. she just said honey i told you i dont have a facebook and to just relax and not be sneaky. well last saturday something didnt feel right so i created a facebook, found one of her girlfriends from up here and off her page found my wife. BAM i immediately ran to the bathroom and puked. this was the first time she had ever lied to me and i was scared. so she had 40 friends on there. half or so i knew from up here in md but half or so i didnt. so i looked at the ones i didnt. from nc there were some guys and girls. one guy is a big muscle head who all his friends are young pretty girls. that scared me big time. by this time i was shaking like a leaf and cying terribly. one girl runs a tanning salon. now if shes supposed to be looking for a job, fixing us and fixing her daughter why is she tanning? but i waslike whatever about that. then there were guys from tx on there whos names i had heard and im certain are exes from her teenage years but i was like well maybe she is just trying to find her kids dad. then i saw a steve cantrell. remember cantrell is the last nae of her kids dad. so i clicked on that and i ran and threw up again LITERALLY. after doing the math this gut would have been 43 when she got pregnant at 15. WTF? but he had a kid listed on his page but it was a girl not a boy. so i said well maybe he has a son that looks just like him. because this fat old hillbilly from the cheeks up is a SPITTING image in every sense of the word to her daughter. so i thought ok, if his son looks like him then this daughter he has on here should resemble hom or my wifes daughter in some way. NOPE. NOT EVEN A TINY BIT. now im really scared. is this fat old mfing perv the dad of her kid? then im thinking is this why she lied about the facebook? so i told her best girlfriend up here i knew all this stuff. well from saturday at 2pm till monday at 1pm i didnt hear nothing from her. then i got the email saying " she loves me, always will, shes not in love with me, theres not another guy, she isnt coming home, she wants me to be happy, im not a monster, im a good man, why did it take me so long to change, she is finally the mother to her daughter, she is happy, her kid is happy, shes doing what she was put here to do, she loves her (my) son, she hopes i willl always let him in her life, i will always be in her heart, but she cant let go of all the things i have done and the baggage. so i sent the mass emails begging and pleading and reminding her of how special we are and how we both know it and i asked what happened in 48 hours for you to do a complete reversal and that i knew about the facebook thing. i never got angry or pointed fingers i just professed my love to her.

and she continued that train of talk all week and i continued with a few wmails a day reminding her about all the good things and the magic we share. then today i get an email saying she loves me always will, i will always be in her heart, she wants me to be happy, i will always be in her life, she isnt INlove anymore but she loves me and that this IS NOT goodbye. yet she still hasnt brought up the facebook thing or her kids dad or anything about what happened in those 48 hours.

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME MAKE SENSE OF ALL THIS. WHEN I SAY WE LOVE EACH OTHER I MEAN THERE ARE PROBABLY A VERY LIMITED NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO EXPERIENCE WHAT WE HAVE AND LOVE AS DEEP AS WE DO. THIS GIRL IS MY OTHER HALF, MY BEST FRIEND, THE MOST SENSUALLY PLEASING WOMAN I COULD IMAGINE AND I WOULD WAIT A LIFETIME JUST TO PART HER HAIR, LIFT HER CHIN AND KISS HER TEARY SALTY LIPS ONE MORE TIME. JUST ONCE.

 

I AM SO CONFUSED, HEART BROKEN AND IN NEED OF HER LOVE AND ALL THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MADE US SO MAGICAL. PLEASE HELP... I NEED MY BABY, MY MAMI BACK IN MY LIFE. I WILL ACCEPT HER ANYWAY, ANYHOW REGARDLESS OF WHATS HAPPENED. AND I WILL DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO PROVE TO HER THAT ALTHOUGH SHE JUST LOVES ME, I AM STILL IF NOT MORE OF THE MAN SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH.

Edited March 16, 2010 by jsm7977
GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

[jsm7977]

please anyone if you have an opinion please help.

[Confusedguy81]

Ok. So im gonna try to be delicate here. It sounds like your wife had some kind of double life going on and who knows what it is. Hiding something that big isn't usually a good thing. It also sounds like you both have some stuff to work out, and to me, you both seem confused. You can love one another all you like, but when there are large issues such as the things you guys have, you need to focus on yourself and son first while she works on herself and figures things out. Will she come back? Maybe. Can you beg and plea for her to come back? Yes, but that usually ends badly and pushes her away. I just say give her some space.