so_mo34 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 so stupid me has been letting a guy i work with who is 14 years older than me use me for sex for 7 months. im so in love with him that i can't stop. i said i was going to end it earlier on to myself, but that didn't happen. this time i mean it though. what should i say to him when i end it? do i tell him how i feel or no? im embarassed to tell him how i feel as i see him at work twice a week.
aystro Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 so stupid me has been letting a guy i work with who is 14 years older than me use me for sex for 7 months. im so in love with him that i can't stop. i said i was going to end it earlier on to myself, but that didn't happen. this time i mean it though. what should i say to him when i end it? do i tell him how i feel or no? im embarassed to tell him how i feel as i see him at work twice a week. If he's using you, how can you be in love with him? ie What does he give you emotionally/physically/financially that makes you love him dispite what he's doing?
ADF Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 You say you're in love with hi, bit that he has been "using" you for sex. What you have is a classic FWB situation, where the man is happy as can be but the woman is miserable. That often happens. The trouble is this: for men, LTR are not the best of all possible worlds. FWB is the best of all possible worlds. In a FWB, a guy gets all the benefits of having a GF, only with no strings--the ultimate win/win situation for him. Once a guy gets you into a FWB relationship, the chances it will grow into something more are alomsy zsro. The guy won't let it grow into anything elese. He's perfectly happy, getting to have his cake and eat too, as they say. Recognize that as far as this guy is concerned you're just an appealling peice of meat, a sex android. Grow a spine, tell him you're done with him, and stand your ground.
norajane Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 This isn't going anywhere good for you. You're just going to feel worse and worse about it. Just end it. Tell him, "hey, thanks it's been fun, but it's time for me to move on". If he asks why, tell him it's just not working for you anymore.
boogieboy Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 You can tell him anything you want. But know this, he doesnt care about how you feel, he only cares that one of his easy lays are cutting him off. He's got others, he wont feel it.
LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 so stupid me has been letting a guy i work with who is 14 years older than me use me for sex for 7 months. im so in love with him that i can't stop. i said i was going to end it earlier on to myself, but that didn't happen. this time i mean it though. what should i say to him when i end it? do i tell him how i feel or no? im embarassed to tell him how i feel as i see him at work twice a week. The next time he asks for sex (which is all he wants it seems) just say, "No, I am done being that way." Then, walk away and make sure next time you only deal with a guy who wants to take you to dinner, listen to how your day was, lift you up when you're down, make you laugh, make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world WITH clothes on and also find you to be a sex kitten all rolled into one beautiful YOU. This guy sounds slimy to me and you need to gather your self respect back and stay clear away from him. You are worth more than that.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 This guy sounds slimy to me Sounds like my hero to me! Very probably he is out of the OP's league, which is why he's getting so much for so little in return.
MalachiX Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 so stupid me has been letting a guy i work with who is 14 years older than me use me for sex for 7 months. im so in love with him that i can't stop. i said i was going to end it earlier on to myself, but that didn't happen. this time i mean it though. what should i say to him when i end it? do i tell him how i feel or no? im embarassed to tell him how i feel as i see him at work twice a week. Well, as a guy who has a lot of friends who are used to just using a woman for sex, i think you really need to have your guard up. Guys who are big players and just using women tend to be rather misongynistic. The way they avoid making an emotional connection is by viewing women as "the enemy" and painting women in a negative light in their minds. I've got some really great friends who can be the most loyal of guy pals but who often make me feel rather disgusted in how they talk about women. I guess it just comes with the territory. There are exceptions of course and some guys just don't want to or aren't ready to be really close but still try to treat women with respect. The guy you've described however sounds fairly self-serving and yes, "slimy." I'm saying this because i think you may need to be prepared for a rather nasty verbal assault. A lot of players feel entitled to sex and basically throw a temper tantrum when they don't get what they want. You need to be prepared for this guy to try to hurt you emotionally when you break it off. He may call you a slut or tell you you're being childish (even though he's the one having a tantrum). He may say a lot of hurtful things to try to make you feel week and vunerable so you'll continue to put up with him. He also may start being nasty to you in other ways, spreading mean rumors about you or doing other equally immature things. I'm not trying to scare you but just be aware this is a possibility and one which may be very painful since you've convinced yourself you're in love with him. Perhaps the first thing to make yourself understand is that you're NOT in love with him. Love is something that only works both ways. It's something that takes a real understanding between two people who give each other emotional access. He hasn't let you be close enough to actually love him. What you're feeling is a longing for real love mixed with a bit of infatuation. You need to remind yourself of this through the break-up process. You DON'T love him because he hasn't let you. You don't owe him anything and the situation is not your fault. The best thing to do is to tell him plainly that you don't want to continue seeing him. Say it very plainly but firmly. Don't let emotion into the equation. Let yourself remain dettached on the surface no matter how bad you feel inside. He may demand to know why you're breaking it off. Realize that since you've never really been dating, just a booty call, that you have NO obligation to explain to him your feelings. If you want to enlighten him or get some closure, simply say that this isn't the kind of relationship you're looking for and you're not going to change your mind. Finally, once it's done, DON'T ever sleep with him again. Even if it's months later and you just want a FWB relationship, remember that with this guy who can't keep yourself from getting emotionally atatched and it's not worth the effort. Good luck.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Why do you need to tell him anything? Block his phone number and/or ignore his texts/calls. You don't need to communicate with him ever again UNLESS HE speaks to you at WORK. When and if he does, tell him you don't want to know him personally anymore and any further attempts on his part to have sex with you will be considered sexual harrassment. He will for certain not bother you ever again if you tell him this. But I don't think you really want to end it. You have to be honest with yourself and based on all your posts, I don't think you are willing to face the truth. By telling him you're not going to have sex with him anymore, you are hoping he will respond in a certain manner - express some feeling for you, sadness that it is ending, ask you not to end it, etc. He could do all of those things, but he would be lying and still using you.
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