Dreams with ex interrupts sleep

[just1guy]

So my ex left me a few days before Christmas after two years, without any notice, and eventhough I feel alot better on the outside, I still feel hurt and angry at times.

 

Well, let's just say that Jan was pretty good, then Feb came around and it was total hell. I've been NC the whole time, but did break it one day during early Feb (sent email to ex), when I found out that she already had a new boyfriend by the end of Jan. For almost two weeks after that, I had trouble falling asleep, then I'd wake up throughout the night when she would pop in my dreams. Needless to say, my days were pretty rough due to the lack of sleep, yet I still made it through work and gym. I talked to a friend who is a nurse and she recommended that I should see a therapist back in Feb or at least look into over the counter medication to help with sleep.

 

Fast forward to March, and I'm falling asleep a lot quicker, almost normally now, but still will wake up when she enters my dreams. I'm alot better and feel that I'm about 85% to my normal self, but don't know what to do about this sleep issue. Everyone says time will heal, but sometimes I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

 

I've read threads on dreams about the ex, but none that I remember involve a sudden break from sleep. Anyone have any experience with this? I'm starting to hate sleep, when during the beginning of NC, I hated being awake.

Edited March 16, 2010 by just1guy

[mella]

I've had terrible problems with sleep since my breakup of almost 10 months ago. Mine did not always involve dreaming necessarily, but just inability to remain asleep, waking up multiple times, and having trouble going back to sleep after waking up. The only thing that kept me sleeping through the night (and even Ambien wouldnt do it) was Trazedone, a relatively inexpensive prescription. I have heard of people taking Melatonin, as well, but I have never tried it. You can get that at GNC or similar places. I know how disruptive lack of sleep can be on most everything, and I hope you find what works for you very soon. Just look at it as a temporary thing to get you over this hump, it won't be forever...best wishes.

[Andrew1984]

i often wake up thinking about my ex. sometimes im not even dreaming about her, ill just wake up and think why am I awake? then seconds later she comes to mind. probably because we slept in the same bed for over 3 years and i miss her.

[just1guy]

I've had terrible problems with sleep since my breakup of almost 10 months ago. Mine did not always involve dreaming necessarily, but just inability to remain asleep, waking up multiple times, and having trouble going back to sleep after waking up. The only thing that kept me sleeping through the night (and even Ambien wouldnt do it) was Trazedone, a relatively inexpensive prescription. I have heard of people taking Melatonin, as well, but I have never tried it. You can get that at GNC or similar places. I know how disruptive lack of sleep can be on most everything, and I hope you find what works for you very soon. Just look at it as a temporary thing to get you over this hump, it won't be forever...best wishes.

 

 

I have Melatonin. It does help with the sleep once you are in deep sleep, but it doesn't help you fall asleep faster. I've stopped using it because I've overslept my alarm with it and I can't afford to be late to work.

 

But this sucks because I think there's some deep scars that she F'd me on and the sleep is what's keeping me from really moving on. This whole sleep ordeal is the only thing that gets me emotional when I talk about getting over my ex because I can't control it like I can when I'm awake, especially when my mom asks if I am still losing sleep over her. Everything else I can deal with pretty well...damn she messed me up bad.

Edited March 16, 2010 by just1guy

[D-Lish]

Chances are that the more you worry about the dreams, the more you'll generate the dreams you are trying to avoid!

 

I have anxiety, so I have major trouble sleeping, I often can't stay asleep long enough to get to a dream state.

 

As much as you may feel alright during your waking hours, your sub-conscious believes otherwise if it's still manifesting in your dreams.

What you sucessfully repress during the day isn't letting you get away with it at night.

 

Maybe you need to allot some more conscious grieving time to this to avoid it surfacing in your sleep.

 

What are you thinking about just before bed? Have you tried reading as a means of escape?

[DenverBachelor]

I'll offer you a flip-side to these dreams.

 

When my ex and I first broke-up, I had really crazy dreams -- most of them involving her coming up to me and apologizing and rubbing my back. Some were slightly sexual in nature, where she would walk by an open door in the hallway naked and then stop and smile and keep walking. Very symbolic.

 

It has been about a half a year now, and when I have dreams about her now, they usually revolve around notions of healing and not reconciliation. We would talk for a while and discuss the past and occasionally I would have a dream where we kissed and she would smile and mention how important the friendship was to her. Some of the dreams revolved around a new relationship between each of us where we went back with completely different attitudes from the previously failed experience.

 

In the end, the mind is very powerful and your subconscious is able to bring things to the surface that, in my opinion, would help you to heal. I would not avoid dreams of your ex because it is the minds way of cleansing the multitude of feelings that are still jumbled up in your head.

 

Just give it time and try to focus on the message and you will probably see that, with time, your dreams of your ex are more therapeutic than anything else. Remember, when you share a lot with another person, there is an essence from them that will always be a part of you. Who is to say that the person in your dreams is completely just your mind's eye or some remnant of their soul that is trying to reach out and help you heal -- regardless of all the bull**** that occurred during the end of the relationship

Edited March 16, 2010 by DenverBachelor

[just1guy]

Chances are that the more you worry about the dreams, the more you'll generate the dreams you are trying to avoid!

 

I have anxiety, so I have major trouble sleeping, I often can't stay asleep long enough to get to a dream state.

 

As much as you may feel alright during your waking hours, your sub-conscious believes otherwise if it's still manifesting in your dreams.

What you sucessfully repress during the day isn't letting you get away with it at night.

 

Maybe you need to allot some more conscious grieving time to this to avoid it surfacing in your sleep.

 

What are you thinking about just before bed? Have you tried reading as a means of escape?

 

I feel like I've grieved quite a bit from Jan to Feb, but then one day late Feb, I told myself to quit that crap because she obviously wasn't crying for me, so why should I cry for her.

 

I will say that throughout the day, whenever I get a thought about her, I get pissed and pretty say to myself "Get that B* outta your head." or something do the extend of "I hate that B*" and remind myself of all the crap she did.

 

Right now, I've been reading a couple of books to figure out what I need to do to get out of my funk, "Feeling Good" by David Burns, and I just started "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. So I will read before I sleep for about 15-30 min.

[D-Lish]

I feel like I've grieved quite a bit from Jan to Feb, but then one day late Feb, I told myself to quit that crap because she obviously wasn't crying for me, so why should I cry for her.

 

I will say that throughout the day, whenever I get a thought about her, I get pissed and pretty say to myself "Get that B* outta your head." or something do the extend of "I hate that B*" and remind myself of all the crap she did.

 

Right now, I've been reading a couple of books to figure out what I need to do to get out of my funk, "Feeling Good" by David Burns, and I just started "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. So I will read before I sleep for about 15-30 min.

 

Reading is helpful to unwind before bed. I read books that help me escape before I go to sleep- sometimes it helps me sleep better.

 

I suspect that even though you don't want to grieve, when you fall asleep at night your sub-conscious disagrees:(. But I also think that you should act the way you want to feel- so if you act as if you are getting over her, it will happen quicker.

[leoine]

Been broken up NC for 3 months. He's hasn't asked me how i'm doing at all - but I've kept NC. I've had a rather strange experience.

 

In the first month - I was grieving / crying and generally sad and I found sleep was something that I could escape to a 'happier world'. Like, I'd totally forget about uni, life etc and be having much fun in my dreams - I don't remember what they were particularly about but I wasn't dreaming about him and the break up wasn't in the dreams - it was like I'd totally forgotten about it.. However - I hated waking up. Waking up was the worse as the fact of being broken up just came back. I suppose i missed being next to him etc. Waking up in the morning was like BACK TO REALITY.

 

Then in the second month - I'd caught news that he was mostly moved on with a girl. we have mutual friends, so it was hard not to end up hearing/knowing something. WELL that didn't do me anything - because for 2 weeks after - I'd have dreams of them enjoying their time together, being couple-ly etc. There were other times that I couldn't fall asleep at ALL and like pretty back emotions in the first couple of weeks of breaking up. THAT was the worst.

 

Now its the 3rd month and I've gotten much of my life back without him. I'm busy and I actually get tired enough at night to just fall asleep so fast. I've not had any horrible dreams or not be able to sleep at all - so life's getting goood.

 

But on random days - i just do get overwhelmingly sad or some random reminder really upsets me - I do find that I might find it harder to sleep.

 

I guess, for me, a good night's sleep is to be TIRED and then think positive thoughts - I'm accepting the fact that we're not going to get back together - so i say to myself to bring me good dreams that will make me love me and help me find the one out there who is meant for me. (corny, i know!)