scipio Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 So about last September she contacted me through fbook basically expressing regrets about not staying with me years ago. A few weeks later I deleted her as a friend because I just wasn't sure about her intentions,..whether she was just getting over a rebound or something,..and frankly I didn't want to deal with it again. It really hurt but it was something I felt I had to do. But lately I've been getting a strong urge to send her a friend request. I really don't want to lose the upper hand in this whole thing though. I don't know what it is about this girl that just drives me crazy. Is there anything such as a girl that can never be gotten over? Is that even possible? Somebody talk me down please.
Andrew1984 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 you probably blew it when you deleted her as a friend...
Author scipio Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 you probably blew it when you deleted her as a friend... Probably,..but I still have the urge to try, and an ominous feeling it won't end like I want it too.
DenverBachelor Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 So about last September she contacted me through fbook basically expressing regrets about not staying with me years ago. A few weeks later I deleted her as a friend because I just wasn't sure about her intentions,..whether she was just getting over a rebound or something,..and frankly I didn't want to deal with it again. It really hurt but it was something I felt I had to do. But lately I've been getting a strong urge to send her a friend request. I really don't want to lose the upper hand in this whole thing though. I don't know what it is about this girl that just drives me crazy. Is there anything such as a girl that can never be gotten over? Is that even possible? Somebody talk me down please. Never get hung up on one girl. You should always have a few in your phone when you're dating. If you're hung up on one girl, you'll lose. Speaking from experience -- nobody wants to be a "player," but that's exactly what you have to be to survive the jungle. Don't get hung up on one chick. No chick is worth it.
WiseOne1 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Never get hung up on one girl. You should always have a few in your phone when you're dating. If you're hung up on one girl, you'll lose. Speaking from experience -- nobody wants to be a "player," but that's exactly what you have to be to survive the jungle. Don't get hung up on one chick. No chick is worth it. As much as I use to HATE this theory, hes 100% correct. Guys use to always tell me that you should always have a backup plan when dating a girl, no matter how great the relationship is going, how long you 2 were together! It does sound mean however, but its the best thing to do, you can still be easily faithfull while in the relationship, but you need to have girls that are interested in your, or that you are interested in..because theres nothing wrong with searching after a break-up.
jen_r Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 As much as I use to HATE this theory, hes 100% correct. Guys use to always tell me that you should always have a backup plan when dating a girl, no matter how great the relationship is going, how long you 2 were together! It does sound mean however, but its the best thing to do, you can still be easily faithfull while in the relationship, but you need to have girls that are interested in your, or that you are interested in..because theres nothing wrong with searching after a break-up. omg. Worst advice ever. If I ever found out my b/f had "backup girls" in his phone/life, he would be dropped like a hot cake. Thats messed up. Does no one believe in true romance anymore?!?! I have no hope for anyone.
DenverBachelor Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 omg. Worst advice ever. If I ever found out my b/f had "backup girls" in his phone/life, he would be dropped like a hot cake. Thats messed up. Does no one believe in true romance anymore?!?! I have no hope for anyone. Oh stop your pouting. Let's get real for a second. What we're talking about is "seeing other people." We're not talking about a committed relationship. We're talking about that zone between the first date and when you both agree its a real relationship. That being said, everyone wants someone else who seems desirable. I don't care what you tell me, you're turned on by a guy who is surrounded by other women. Why? Because psychologically you know that guy has something interesting about him, and as soon as he shows you attention, you're going to put up the BS all the while wanting his attention. If you think for one second that you haven't found a great guy just because he has a lot of chicks numbers in his phone, you're absolutely wrong.
jen_r Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Oh stop your pouting. Let's get real for a second. What we're talking about is "seeing other people." We're not talking about a committed relationship. We're talking about that zone between the first date and when you both agree its a real relationship. That being said, everyone wants someone else who seems desirable. I don't care what you tell me, you're turned on by a guy who is surrounded by other women. Why? Because psychologically you know that guy has something interesting about him, and as soon as he shows you attention, you're going to put up the BS all the while wanting his attention. If you think for one second that you haven't found a great guy just because he has a lot of chicks numbers in his phone, you're absolutely wrong. Oh perhaps I didn't read through this very well. I'm a little out of it, thanks to the bar. Seeing someone is a totally different story. But, if I started to get serious with someone who had backup chicks, that be a big NO-NO. And as far as a guy having alot of girls phone numbers in his phone, thats actually a little bit of a turn off. Makes me think he's a player. I want a guy who isn't in to alot of girls.
Maggotface Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I thought the same thing Jen did. I also think it's a turn off if a man is surrounded by other women all the time. I don't care if a guy has friends that are girls but if we are dating I want to be the only girl he is interested in, if he is interested in another girl in a sexual or romantic way then he should be with her.
sally4sara Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 omg. Worst advice ever. If I ever found out my b/f had "backup girls" in his phone/life, he would be dropped like a hot cake. Thats messed up. Does no one believe in true romance anymore?!?! I have no hope for anyone. Oh I do; that movie was GREAT! When I was just dating, I too would have other options. Not once I was in an established relationship though. That's triflin and cutting it too close to cheating territory. I too would drop a guy flat for that crap because I wouldn't bring that to his life and expect it to make him all warm and fuzzy anymore than it would inspire the warm and fuzzies in me.
Weird Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I would say it is LOGICAL for some to have someone in their life/past that they don't really "get over" and I just shake my head when people say otherwise. Think about it....if you met someone who had all the qualities in a person you want then how does it make sense for someone to just say "oh well there are others" and not still be attracted to them and want them? Now I am not saying one needs to sit there every day crying and should totally pass on any future opportunities with others but to imply that anyone from your past is just someone to brush aside and will be bettered by anyone you meet in the future is silly to me. I'd even go as far to say that probably a good % of people continually have failed relationships because they take the approach where they just say "oh well" about a failed relationship with someone they really connected with and simply figure they will meet others and that the "grass will be greener" and then try and settle but it doesn't work. They do this instead of just put their ego in check and see if the person they really connected with would be open to try things again. Remember, a lot of the time relationships end over really stupid crap or because people just have communication issues...that can be fixed. I just think most people today are too lazy to put in any effort and it often ends up making their lives worse. I bet if more people showed they were willing to put in effort and not just figure any time a relationship fails it MUST mean the other person isn't "the one" that we'd see a lot of former loves reunited. My buddy and his now fiancee broke up for over a year then got back together later because they realized they had nothing really against each other and each had the qualities they want in a partner...that is how it should be more often and their break-up wasn't about anything serious meaning it was more about the communication and other things I mentioned that can easily be corrected if people want that.
Author scipio Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 (edited) This might sound corny ,..but I've always been a 1 woman guy. I've never had the interest or desire to be a "player". If I have somebody in mind the blinders come on. So any other advice besides the Tiger Woods solution? Weird, Really excellent post. You really put things in perspective rather than just follow the conventional wisdom. So my choice I guess is potentially hurt myself or give it a shot because, like you said,..something better might not neccessarily be coming up the pike. Edited March 16, 2010 by scipio adding
WiseOne1 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 This might sound corny ,..but I've always been a 1 woman guy. I've never had the interest or desire to be a "player". If I have somebody in mind the blinders come on. So any other advice besides the Tiger Woods solution? Weird, Really excellent post. You really put things in perspective rather than just follow the conventional wisdom. So my choice I guess is potentially hurt myself or give it a shot because, like you said,..something better might not neccessarily be coming up the pike. Yea, well to answer your question yes!! Yes it is possible to get over someone...there can and will become a time when your able to think about them, without feeling that sour feeling in your stomach, there will become a time that you can even be friends, without wanting me...how do I know?? Because I been through it 2 times before.
Toki Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 That's the way I felt about my ex for a long time, I mean she was my first for most things involving the opposite sex, and we were together from high school through most of college. Had all these great plans of what we were going to do, blah, blah, blah. Anywho, after splitting ways I just didn't think I'd ever find anyone quite like that again, turns out, as all things involving the opposite sex, besides a basic understanding of libido, I don't know jack. After about a year, moping around, trying to understand why all this bad stuff happened, I found someone else that not only got me as a person, but accepted all of me, the good and bad. Which is something I didn't get in my previous relationship, even though I had pretty much put that one at the top mantle and thought I'd never have it as good. I thought about my ex almost every day, I tormented myself for over a year... but I decided one day that I needed to get on with it, and I forgave her, and forgave myself, and the whole picture became so much clearer. I appreciate everything we had, but I'm also glad it's over, and that there is something new and wonderful in my life. I'll never, ever, forget her, but in the end the love was shallow, and weak... and I will not accept that as the crowning achievement of what I could have in a partner. I hope that helps.
Thebob Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 omg. Worst advice ever. If I ever found out my b/f had "backup girls" in his phone/life, he would be dropped like a hot cake. Thats messed up. Does no one believe in true romance anymore?!?! I have no hope for anyone. Because most girls are uptight bitches who don't know what they want and they can change there emotions in a split second. Guys have to do this in fear of a break up going to occur. Girls are happy one second, then can change there mind in a millisecond after that. Emotional creatures you are. Always have to have a backup plan in life and in the dating world. Thebob
McGrupp Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 youll be alright. go **** 10 other women. re-facebook her. be like yo what up! see where it goes. but stay away from the "i need yous" and so forth...
jlr Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 That's the way I felt about my ex for a long time, I mean she was my first for most things involving the opposite sex, and we were together from high school through most of college. Had all these great plans of what we were going to do, blah, blah, blah. Anywho, after splitting ways I just didn't think I'd ever find anyone quite like that again, turns out, as all things involving the opposite sex, besides a basic understanding of libido, I don't know jack. After about a year, moping around, trying to understand why all this bad stuff happened, I found someone else that not only got me as a person, but accepted all of me, the good and bad. Which is something I didn't get in my previous relationship, even though I had pretty much put that one at the top mantle and thought I'd never have it as good. I thought about my ex almost every day, I tormented myself for over a year... but I decided one day that I needed to get on with it, and I forgave her, and forgave myself, and the whole picture became so much clearer. I appreciate everything we had, but I'm also glad it's over, and that there is something new and wonderful in my life. I'll never, ever, forget her, but in the end the love was shallow, and weak... and I will not accept that as the crowning achievement of what I could have in a partner. I hope that helps. Thank you for that. It made me feel better. I get worried I won't find someone else. I think about my ex everyday. We were each others first true relationship, and the longest. Your story gives me some hope that I'll get through it. Thanks.
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