What just happened?

[loot310]

Okay...So, I work out at this gym 4-5 days a week and have been for about 3 years. There has been this personal trainer there the entire time that I find very attractive. Actually, she is very attractive and every guy there is aware of her. We are both about the same age and obviously have some stuff in common. I have noticed over this period that she looks at me quite frequently and Im obviously looking back at her. A few months ago, I started going to the gym at 3pm and noticed that she is often working out during this time. Up to this point, she had always been training clients or in her office when I was there, so me having a chance to talk to her is new.

 

A few weeks ago I saw her looking at me (I am muscular, just so u understand *not bragging*). I saw her lifting weights 15 mins later and figured I'd go up and talk to her. She was very rude and gave me a one word answer for every question I asked (2 of them). So, I dropped it. Over the next two weeks, she started to look at me more, like she regretted being rude. So, I approached her again and she was VERY friendly and outgoing. I was so surprised that my mind went blank and I froze like a 15 y/o virgin. After talking for maybe 45 seconds, I basically walked away and could tell that her feelings were hurt.

 

In this convo, she told me that her wrist was injured in a car wreck, which is why it was in a brace. I saw her on the eliptic machine a few days later and asked how her wrist was doing. She seemed flattered that I would ask, smiled and said its better, thanks. So I felt that I had redeemed myself for my freeze.

 

We continued to exchange glances over the next week or so. One time, I smiled at her, she looked at me smiling, then looked to the ground and smiled. About four days ago, she was training a client in the pilates room when I walked by, she looked up at me, smiled and waved. I waved back, but was probably so surprised that she did this that it wiped whatever smile I might of had on my face. Regardless, I did maintain a few seconds of eye contact and waved very obviously.

 

I took this as a fairly overt signal that she was interested in me. She was busy working and took time to acknowledge me through a window and wave - I was stoked. So, today I saw her again on the eliptic machine and asked her how her weekend was and how her arm was. She was very unfriendly and answered both questions with one word. I should have maybe said sorry for interupting your workout or something, but had my mind set on asking her out. I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch or a drink sometime and she half-halfheartedly told me she has a boyfriend. It didn't seem like she really wanted to tell me that, it just came out. Wether it's true of not I do not understand. This was all in the same tone I got when I first tried to talk to her.

 

So, I dont understand what just happened and I guess you could say my feelings are hurt badly. I'm not sure what happened in the four days between when she waved and smiled at me and today. Also, when she has looked at me in the past before this, her looks had intention like she would be walking sideways and turn her head 90 degrees and hold eye contact with me, so Im not seeing things that aren't there.

 

Whats is up with this girl? Is she just moody? Pissed I interrupted her workout? I knwo women dont tell a guy they like they have a bf, but this girl checks out other guys all the time too.

 

Opinions welcome. Should I ask her what her deal is or just drop her. It sucks because she's so hot and I thought we were devolping some rapport and headed in the right direction.

Edited March 16, 2010 by loot310

[D-Lish]

It sounds like you might be seeing things that aren't there. The fact that she was rude the first time you approached her was her signal she wasn't interested.

 

I used to HATE it when guys would approach me while I was working out at the gym. I'm working out, sweating, really not at all the right time to approach a woman.

[desertmoon]

She PROBABLY felt bad for being rude the first time (thinking you were trying to hit on her)---then she decided to be nice (just in case she read your signals wrong)....well, she was right, you were trying to hit on her and is now kicking herself for not going with what her gut was telling her the first time you approached her. Drop her.

[loot310]

Thank you both for the feedback.

 

The eye contact she was giving me is not the type coming from a girl just wanting to be nice to a member (no pun intended). We've been looking at and aware of each other there for 3 years. Also, I don't know how to say this without sounding like an arrogant prick, but I've been lifting weights for 15 years and get alot of attention from women. I've walked right past this girl several times and have seen her looking at certain body parts of mine. I see her checking out other muscular dudes all the time too.

 

If nothing else, she was playing games with no intention of doing anything, which = leading me on. I do sincerely believe she was interested in me though. She could not have been nicer the time I froze up - very sweet girl at that moment.

 

Is it possible that I caught her in a bad mood (I can tell she is moody). Is there any situation a girl would tella guy she has a bf and regret it later? What if I aplogized for interrupting her workout and said "you sure don't act like you have a serious boyfriend."

Edited March 16, 2010 by loot310

[JustLooking123]

 

Is it possible that I caught her in a bad mood (I can tell she is moody). Is there any situation a girl would tella guy she has a bf and regret it later? What if I aplogized for interrupting her workout and said "you sure don't act like you have a serious boyfriend."

 

This might might work only if you can pull it off in a very playful, teasing tone...otherwise you'll piss her off and/or sound like you're pouting.

 

One further theory: Perhaps you first approached her when she was in work-out mode, which is why she was rude at first. She then realized that she was interested. However, some time passed with only eye contact and waves. She got tired of waiting and thought you were just being a flirt, with no intention of asking her out. She mentally checked out and moved on, hence the rudeness in the later interactions. Just an idea.

[desertmoon]

Thank you both for the feedback.

 

The eye contact she was giving me is not the type coming from a girl just wanting to be nice to a member (no pun intended). We've been looking at and aware of each other there for 3 years. Also, I don't know how to say this without sounding like an arrogant prick, but I've been lifting weights for 15 years and get alot of attention from women. I've walked right past this girl several times and have seen her looking at certain body parts of mine. I see her checking out other muscular dudes all the time too.

 

If nothing else, she was playing games with no intention of doing anything, which = leading me on. I do sincerely believe she was interested in me though. She could not have been nicer the time I froze up - very sweet girl at that moment.

 

Is it possible that I caught her in a bad mood (I can tell she is moody). Is there any situation a girl would tella guy she has a bf and regret it later? What if I aplogized for interrupting her workout and said "you sure don't act like you have a serious boyfriend."

 

We want to see what we want to see!

 

Plus she already said she has a boyfriend-doesn't that mean anything to you?

[loot310]

We want to see what we want to see!

 

Plus she already said she has a boyfriend-doesn't that mean anything to you?

 

 

HAA - If you want to see what you want to see than don't let us catch you looking at us. Most guys interpret that as you being interested and you're bound to get hit on.

 

Im not sure how to take the bf comment. She did the smiling and waving to me well after I had hit on her a few times. You'd think if she wasn't interested she would not be doing that. Then she tells me has a bf today. That's so misleading that its offensive - like she planned it to hurt me feelings.

 

I will talk to her again.

 

Heres the bridge burner option:

 

B) Tell her she shouldn't be gawking at other dudes and holding eye contact with them, smiling and waving at them AFTER they have hit on her a few times if shes not available?

 

I sooo feel like telling her that tomorrow.

Edited March 16, 2010 by loot310

[desertmoon]

HAA - If you want to see what you want to see than don't let us catch you looking at us. Most guys interpret that as you being interested and you're bound to get hit on.

 

Seems like a personal problem.

 

Im not sure how to take the bf comment. She did the smiling and waving to me well after I had hit on her a few times. You'd think if she wasn't interested she would not be doing that.

 

So a woman can't be friendly without it being interpreted by guys like you, as "interested in me as a lover"? wow...dangerous world out there!

 

Then she tells me has a bf today. That's so misleading that its offensive - like she planned it to hurt me feelings.

 

You know she is not responsible for YOUR feelings and for how you interpret the way she looked at you.

 

 

Tell her she shouldn't be gawking at other dudes and holding eye contact with them, smiling and waving at them AFTER they have hit on her a few times if shes not available?

 

I sooo feel like telling her that tomorrow.

 

oh my---good idea!

 

C'mon dude, you sound like you are an attractive guy, why are you letting this woman get to you? Ok, maybe she is a tease..so what? Next!

[loot310]

I'm actually more confused and intrigued by this than I am hurt, to be honest.

 

The thing is, I asked her how her weekend was and how her injured arm was before asking her out and she was very unfriendly answering those two questions. So its not like she wasn't unhappy before I asked her out. The last interaction I had with her before today was her smiling and waving at me through a window while training a client 4 days ago. I would have considered her behavior rude even if I was some random woman she was friendly with.

 

I should have also pointed out that I have an ongoing rift with some of the other PTs there that I know she is friends with. I don't know why this would be an issu all the sudden now though.

[Wallace1]

I'm actually more confused and intrigued by this than I am hurt, to be honest.

 

The thing is, I asked her how her weekend was and how her injured arm was before asking her out and she was very unfriendly answering those two questions. So its not like she wasn't unhappy before I asked her out. The last interaction I had with her before today was her smiling and waving at me through a window while training a client 4 days ago. I would have considered her behavior rude even if I was some random woman she was friendly with.

 

I should have also pointed out that I have an ongoing rift with some of the other PTs there that I know she is friends with. I don't know why this would be an issu all the sudden now though.

 

 

I would've pocketed the asking her out part after she was giving the unfriendly vibe to your initial questions. You could have reasonably expected her to be friendly in the near future.

 

Also, stop being hung up on it, your confusion is likely that you simply misread her vibe. As others have said, she could just as easily have been friendly to someone she sees regularly at work.

[loot310]

I would've pocketed the asking her out part after she was giving the unfriendly vibe to your initial questions. You could have reasonably expected her to be friendly in the near future.

 

Also, stop being hung up on it, your confusion is likely that you simply misread her vibe. As others have said, she could just as easily have been friendly to someone she sees regularly at work.

 

Yeah, I know I should have not asked out after getting the bad vibe. No do-overs.

 

I'll just ignore her from now on. She's a waste of my time.

[desertmoon]

Yeah, I know I should have not asked out after getting the bad vibe. No do-overs.

 

I'll just ignore her from now on. She's a waste of my time.

 

'atta boy!!!!!

[boogieboy]

I'm actually more confused and intrigued by this than I am hurt, to be honest.

 

The thing is, I asked her how her weekend was and how her injured arm was before asking her out and she was very unfriendly answering those two questions. So its not like she wasn't unhappy before I asked her out. The last interaction I had with her before today was her smiling and waving at me through a window while training a client 4 days ago. I would have considered her behavior rude even if I was some random woman she was friendly with.

 

I should have also pointed out that I have an ongoing rift with some of the other PTs there that I know she is friends with. I don't know why this would be an issu all the sudden now though.

 

I believe youre more hurt because you built up all these expectations and cant believe she might not actually be attracted to you.

 

She has a bf, case closed! Might it have occured to you that she might be using you for her ego boost? maybe staring at you to GET you to talk to her, just to turn you down, so she can brag to someone? There are people like that.

 

Maybe you just want the one that doesnt approach you, since you usually have it so easy with women in the gym?

[loot310]

Might it have occured to you that she might be using you for her ego boost? maybe staring at you to GET you to talk to her, just to turn you down, so she can brag to someone? There are people like that.

 

 

Yeah, this is what I have thought for a while about her. She does love the attention and emits a sexual vibe. It pisses me off cus I did flirt her, she kept being nice to me (flirted back IMO) and then I get shat on yesterday.

 

Like I said, her tude yesterday would have been offensive to a an old lady, and this was based on her answers to my first two questions b4 asking her out.

 

She acts bi-polar.

[loot310]

A humorous development - thought I'd update this to show what a f'd up situation this now.

 

This girl has been absent the last two days since I asked her out. She's always there at the same time so this is kind of odd timing. I happened to drive by the gym late last night and saw her thereo on the machine, so it seems like shes moved her hours back, and I would assume avoiding me has something to do with it, if not everything.

 

Here's where it gets funny. I start a new job tomorrow and will be forced to start lifting after work during her new hours, so I'm sure I'll look like a SUPER stalker. WTF, not much I can do about it, just totally ignore her.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

figured I'd go up and talk to her. She was very rude...

 

I approached her again...

 

today I saw her again on the eliptic machine and asked her how her weekend was and how her arm was. She was very unfriendly ...

 

I...had my mind set on asking her out. I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch or a drink sometime and she half-halfheartedly told me she has a boyfriend.

 

So, I dont understand what just happened...

 

 

 

... and, you never will

[Tnerforireyeh]

Your first mistake was asking for advice here. 95% of the women here are real bitter ball busters and won't give you a straight answer, as you've already witnessed.

 

Second, one of two things, either 1) you've totally misread her signals or 2) the girl is a loon. Sadly, you picked a bad time to ask her out when she was in one of her bipolar moods. You can't fixate on an action with people because it might not be the right time, you have to be supple. That was the only real mistake I saw. If you'd asked her when she was in her psycho happy state, you might have done better.

 

But really bro, the gym is full of taken women and gym hoes, you know the ones I'm talking about. Don't waste your time picking up chicks there, I've never heard of a guy being successful, except of course with the gym hoes, but those you won't be perplexed about.

[loot310]

Your first mistake was asking for advice here. 95% of the women here are real bitter ball busters and won't give you a straight answer, as you've already witnessed.

 

Second, one of two things, either 1) you've totally misread her signals or 2) the girl is a loon. Sadly, you picked a bad time to ask her out when she was in one of her bipolar moods. You can't fixate on an action with people because it might not be the right time, you have to be supple. That was the only real mistake I saw. If you'd asked her when she was in her psycho happy state, you might have done better.

 

But really bro, the gym is full of taken women and gym hoes, you know the ones I'm talking about. Don't waste your time picking up chicks there, I've never heard of a guy being successful, except of course with the gym hoes, but those you won't be perplexed about.

 

Funny you would say that about the women here. I posted the same thing on bodybuilding.com and got 95% male responses, so that evened it out a bit.

 

Heres the thing about meeting women at the gym. I'm really into health, taking care of myself, etc. Its almost like a religion to me, so I would love to meet a girl that has the same values. That said, I know alot of women do not like being hit on at the gym, cus they sweat, feel dirty, etc. Most women aren't brave enough to enter the free weight area in my gym anyway and interrupting them on cardio machines is not good.

 

This girl still appears to have changed her schedule to avoid me, which is crazy if true. I'm sure we'll cross paths again soon.

[bac]

Continue talking with her and being friendly. She is emotionally up and down, so there is a chance that next week or so she might break up with her BF.

Let her know that you are available to go out with her if she has a window.

[seibert253]

Stop wasting all your time wondering about this and that with her, and all the what if's.

She blew you off, told you she's got a BF, dude not to be an azz, get the hint.

 

I'm sure there's plenty of other chicks worth your time and attention.

 

NEXT.

[loot310]

Continue talking with her and being friendly. She is emotionally up and down, so there is a chance that next week or so she might break up with her BF.

Let her know that you are available to go out with her if she has a window.

 

I asked her a couple nice questions before asking her out and she was an unprovoked bitch then, so I've decided to ignore her for a while, if not permanently. I saw her today and avoided eye contact at all costs.

 

Stop wasting all your time wondering about this and that with her, and all the what if's.

She blew you off, told you she's got a BF, dude not to be an azz, get the hint.

 

I'm sure there's plenty of other chicks worth your time and attention.

 

NEXT.

 

This happened a week ago and I haven't been worrying about it too much. I don't agree with completely dropping the girl though. I'll ignore her for a while then she must show me something positive, then maybe I'll approach her again. She's way too fine to drop over that.

Edited March 22, 2010 by loot310