New Again Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 How much do you include your SO when making social plans that don't involve him/her? Some of you may remember that in my last relationship I was getting pretty annoyed at my then-bf's inconsideration when making plans - both that included me and those that didn't. So now in my new "relationship" I'm trying to get back to "normal" - and I'm not sure what to do. I don't mean like a one-night-away-from-SO kind of thing, but like a weekend or something. Feel free to answer generally. But also, my specific situation is that we've both been pretty busy recently and haven't seen each that much. Over the next couple weeks we'll see each other a lot more. But then in a few weeks I will be going away for 2 weeks on business. The weekend before I go away I was invited to a bridal shower that I'm not sure I want to go to (I'm torn). Is this something I should talk to him about so that he knows what I have going on?
Crazy Magnet Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I would say something along the lines of "Hey, I was invited to this bridal shower at X time on X day and it will last X amount of time. I'm on the fence about going because [insert reason here]. [Plus I want to spend more time with you before I leave (if that's true)] Did you want to hang out and do something during that time, or did you have other plans?" I'm at the point in my relationship where we assume we will be spending all weekend together. We actually spend almost every evening together at this point doing different stuff. I usually start telling him about options for the weekend on Wednesday or Thursday when the invites start popping up. Such as "Hey, so and so invited us to go here, these guys invited us there, and then there's ABC going on on Friday. On Saturday, chickadee wants us to do this. Did your friends have anything going on that you rather do? Did you want to do any of these things or did you have something else in mind?" I am super blunt girl. This approach may not be for everyone.
Author New Again Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 I would say something along the lines of "Hey, I was invited to this bridal shower at X time on X day and it will last X amount of time. I'm on the fence about going because [insert reason here]. [Plus I want to spend more time with you before I leave (if that's true)] Did you want to hang out and do something during that time, or did you have other plans?" I'm at the point in my relationship where we assume we will be spending all weekend together. We actually spend almost every evening together at this point doing different stuff. I usually start telling him about options for the weekend on Wednesday or Thursday when the invites start popping up. Such as "Hey, so and so invited us to go here, these guys invited us there, and then there's ABC going on on Friday. On Saturday, chickadee wants us to do this. Did your friends have anything going on that you rather do? Did you want to do any of these things or did you have something else in mind?" I am super blunt girl. This approach may not be for everyone. I used to be exactly like this. My last relationship and this guy I'm currently are making me second guess my approach to this. If it were just a one-day thing I wouldn't think twice about it, I would probably just go, but the shower is in my home town, 7 hours away, so it'll be a whole weekend thing (for one afternoon of the actual event). This is also the only reason I'm not completely sold on going right now. My last SO (2yr+ relationship) didn't handle plan-making this way, and the guy I'm currently dating doesn't seem to either. At best I'm jumping the gun by discussing this with SO, and maybe he doesn't expect it yet... At worst I'm being petty by being hesitant to discuss this with current SO, because I feel like he's the type to not discuss it with me if he were in a similar situation, but drop it on me last minute that he was going away for the weekend.
Wallace1 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I think once you get to the point that its assumed you spend every weekend together, CrazyMagnet's way is my preference, but before that, I'd simply expect to be in the loop. For a long weekend like that, I would say the best option is making clear that you'd like him to come, but that its not going to offend you if he doesn't. A bridal shower 7 hours away can be a bit much for a new relationship depending on the individual, so leaving the option is best IMO.
Author New Again Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 I think once you get to the point that its assumed you spend every weekend together, CrazyMagnet's way is my preference, but before that, I'd simply expect to be in the loop. For a long weekend like that, I would say the best option is making clear that you'd like him to come, but that its not going to offend you if he doesn't. A bridal shower 7 hours away can be a bit much for a new relationship depending on the individual, so leaving the option is best IMO. I suspect that this is the correct answer, so I also suspect that I might be feeling a little petty. Boo. I definitely would never under any circumstances invite him to come with me, as he is obviously not invited to the event itself, so essentially I would be asking him to just spend time in the car with me. He would say no anyways, but if by some bizarre chance he accepted I would feel guilty.
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