onewillburn Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I'm kind of already feeling better about what just happened, but I feel like it's better if I express it in some way rather than just let it possibly manifest in my subconscious. I was looking through some folders of an old e-mail address of mine and came across an e-mail from the ex. It was kind of long, but I didn't read it all. I just caught a line at the end that said "_____, always stay with me. i look at you and see how strong you are and just know that you could be the father of my children. its just instincts." this e-mail was from two year ago. I was NINETEEN at the time. Christ. It hurt to see that and think about all of the things that transpired afterwards. Some of them my fault, some hers. It just gave me a crappy feeling. I deleted the e-mail and came here real quick. I already feel fine, to be honest. In fact, lately I've felt REALLY fine. In the sense that I feel the oh-so-desired feeling of genuine superiority to my ex. I feel like a man who can take control and get what he wants if he wants it. I've learned to focus on my strengths and to never compromise my values in the name of love again, which I believe was my biggest mistake. Anyway, just venting. Feel free to give your thoughts.
pinksunglasses Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 That's great. I'm happy for you. It's really nice to know that things do start to look up and it get's less hard over time. I'm 19 and and this actually helped with some issues I'm debating over at the moment. I'm glad you vented
Author onewillburn Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 Glad I helped. It's good to see new faces around here. Hopefully you won't be here long.
DenverBachelor Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 (edited) Ithat said "_____, always stay with me. i look at you and see how strong you are and just know that you could be the father of my children. its just instincts." this e-mail was from two year ago. I was NINETEEN at the time. Christ. It hurt to see that and think about all of the things that transpired afterwards. Some of them my fault, some hers. Time is a tricky little ****. We see time as linear -- where things most recently past have added weight over things long gone. Time isn't as linear as we perceive it -- but that's how our memory works. We naturally place more weight and emphasis on yesterday than we do a year ago. The funny thing about that is that all those things that happened years ago make up who we are much more than what happened yesterday. And with that, we can't look at events as if one negates another. She loved you and she felt that way about you at one point. That's etched in time and nothing is going to erase that era. It is an indelible experience that you both shared and it's recorded in the great history of the universe. When everything comes to past, it is all in the past. Who is to say the things that happened when we were 3, 14 or 25 are any more or less important than the last thing we managed to do in our life. What we can say is that, in the end, time is more like a great circle of repeating events than a linear transgression of events. What we do today doesn't erase what we lived through in the past. The past was once our future. The future will eventually be our past. That great big thick glass wall of time constantly pushes us from things familiar and into things strange and we're constantly anxious from the forced movement. What a trippy experience to bang on the glass and yell only to have the past shielded from our loudest screams -- yet we're given a front row crystal clear seat of everything we leave behind -- or of things that leave us behind. Edited March 16, 2010 by DenverBachelor
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