IM5150 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Please read my other post but this is a general question to all the women out there. I'm trying to understand what goes on inside a womans head to not be interested in sex? I think for a guy, we will have sex whenever! I don't care if I'm half asleep, if my girlfriend wants sex, I'm always ready. I know it takes more for a woman to be in the mood but I'm going on 3 weeks with my girlfriend and still no sex. What I do know about her is this: 1. Long hours at work causing her to be very tired. 2. Stressing about her career. 3. Stressing about family and life in general. 4. Sleeps way too much! What are other causes?
Silver_star Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Please read my other post but this is a general question to all the women out there. I'm trying to understand what goes on inside a womans head to not be interested in sex? I think for a guy, we will have sex whenever! I don't care if I'm half asleep, if my girlfriend wants sex, I'm always ready. I know it takes more for a woman to be in the mood but I'm going on 3 weeks with my girlfriend and still no sex. What I do know about her is this: 1. Long hours at work causing her to be very tired. 2. Stressing about her career. 3. Stressing about family and life in general. 4. Sleeps way too much! What are other causes? There could be several excuses and reasons why shes not in the mood (i dont know what hre frequency for having sex was originally)...but overall if shes in a relationship with you she should understand that both of you have needs...if its been 3weeks i would bring it up, and ask her why shes been avoiding sex...tell her you love her and you want to be intimate with her and its bothering you, she should understand and tell you whats been bothering her.
donnamaybe Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Unless my guy has just said something hurtful and made me feel very unloved for some reason, the ONLY reason I wouldn't wanna would be 'cause I was ill.
OnlyJake Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I pretty much always feel like having sex. Certain things can make me not feel like having sex with YOU, however. "You" being a general you referring to whomever I am dating at the moment.
Citizen Erased Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 In my last relationship I was bored and uninspired and the sex became dull, he was the only one getting off on it. Not his fault, guess how I feel about someone ties into my sexual need for them. Now, nothing short of a really bad illness will keep me away from him.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Please read my other post but this is a general question to all the women out there. I'm trying to understand what goes on inside a womans head to not be interested in sex? I think for a guy, we will have sex whenever! I don't care if I'm half asleep, if my girlfriend wants sex, I'm always ready. I know it takes more for a woman to be in the mood but I'm going on 3 weeks with my girlfriend and still no sex. What I do know about her is this: 1. Long hours at work causing her to be very tired. 2. Stressing about her career. 3. Stressing about family and life in general. 4. Sleeps way too much! What are other causes? With all honesty, I think this depends on the woman and the state of the relationship. The only way to figure this out is to actually sit her down and talk with her about it.
boogieboy Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Another reason a woman wouldnt want to have sex is because you ask for it, but give her no mental foreplay. If she is avoiding you, then she isnt attracted to you anymore. You need to talk to her about it, then back off, and go get your own life so she can miss you. She has to miss you to be attracted to you again.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) In my past long term relationships and my past marriage, the sex dwindled as the familiarity with each other rose. We would get to the point where there was no mystery about each other anymore: we would share a bathroom, we weren't concerned about body functions/smells around each other (farting, feet, body odor, etc), were casually naked/dressed in front of each other (presenting nakedness in a non-sexual context), we knew each other inside and out, and there wasn't the urge to 'fix up' for each other anymore: basically we would become roommates/best buddies and would be so close that the spark that drives sex just died. I honestly do think that there is a such thing as being TOO intimate, and when you reach that level the sex plummets. I would use 'work' and 'stress' as excuses. It was a lot easier to blame it on that than being truthful and saying 'the attraction/spark is dead'. The guy I'm with now? Not repeating any mistakes I made about becoming 'buddies/roommates' and I can be dead stupid tired and under a ton of stress and when I lay next to him, I will still want him. Now, another option might be a 'bait and switch' type: where your partner is indifferent to sex in general and will give you really hot sex in the beginning and will cut it off or dampen it down to nearly nothing once the deal is sealed and she knows you aren't going anywhere. I should probably add as well, that when I was cheating or thinking about it in my past relationships, the sex would dwindle. I wanted that mystery, excitement, etc. and when it was within sight, I'd let the sex go to nearly nothing because nothing is worse than having a craving for something and you have something in front of you that won't satisfy that craving. Hate to throw cheating in there, but that can also be a cause. Edited March 15, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
sally4sara Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 When I feel taken for granted by my partner on a regular basis. When my partner doesn't practice good grooming habits. When I'm feeling ill. When I have a partner that never lasts long enough for me to finish or doesn't care for my enjoyment. I'm glad I have a partner who cares about these things.
shadowplay Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) The main one is Boredom with my partner along with reduced attraction and occasionally feeling unattractive for some reason like if I've gained a few pounds I think women usually like sex when they're with somebody new and then the novelty may wear off after a few years if the couple doesn't try to keep the passion going. This doesn't apply to men because they obviously have a constant desire for sex. But with women the physical and emotional are entangled so if you lose they lose the emotional attraction, the physical attraction also disappears. Edited March 15, 2010 by shadowplay
Lizzie60 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 My theory : Take a woman AND man both living in a stressful, with career, mortgage, kids, etc.. etc.. Some men I know helps a LOOTTTT at home (my son-in-law for example).. and they're still ALWAYS ready for sex.. the woman.. nope.. she's tired... has no 'drive'... sex becomes a chore.. etc.. etc.. My thoughts: methink it's all about hormones.. testosterone must 'boost' the libido like crazy.. while the female hormones do not act that way. It's mostly physical IMO... a woman could be head over heels in love with her partner and will have almost zero libido.. If the hormones would be more 'balanced' gender-wise.. it would be more 'equal' between the partners.. Just my theory..
make me believe Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 If I don't want to have sex with my boyfriend I am probably EXTREMELY tired. Stress/work doesn't affect my sex drive. In fact I'm likely to want to make love to him in times of stress because the connection calms me and makes me feel better. The only thing that would make me go three weeks without having sex with my bf is if I was losing my attraction to him or checking out of the relationship emotionally. Three week is WAY too long to blame on stress/tiredness.
shadowplay Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 a woman could be head over heels in love with her partner and will have almost zero libido.. I disagree with this. It's impossible for me to be head over heels and not want to screw his brains out. It is, on the other hand, possible for me to love but not be in love with a guy and have little physical attraction to him. As an addition to my last post, I don't think a sexless relationship is inevitable after the initial mystique has worn off. It just means you need to maintain some healthy boundaries in the relationship to keep up the mystery.
harmfulsweetz Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 It can be a number of things. A lot of women (not all, mind) need emotional stability to have sex with a person, what I mean by that is, that in order to want sex, they need to feel secure and happy with the person they are with. Stress in their work life, personal life etc can have a knock-on effect on anyone's sex drive IMO. In my last relationship, the sex dwindled because I just wasn't that into him anymore. I no longer wanted it, with him. Bad as that sounds.
shadowplay Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 In my past long term relationships and my past marriage, the sex dwindled as the familiarity with each other rose. We would get to the point where there was no mystery about each other anymore: we would share a bathroom, we weren't concerned about body functions/smells around each other (farting, feet, body odor, etc), were casually naked/dressed in front of each other (presenting nakedness in a non-sexual context), we knew each other inside and out, and there wasn't the urge to 'fix up' for each other anymore: basically we would become roommates/best buddies and would be so close that the spark that drives sex just died. I honestly do think that there is a such thing as being TOO intimate, and when you reach that level the sex plummets. Great post -- I think this gets at the heart of the matter. People forget how important it is to maintain those boundaries, even in a living situation.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I just went back and reviewed all of the past threads about this situation. IM, if you don't have a plan in place of what to do when this ends, you will want to think seriously about it. The questions you are asking yourself now about the sex are likely the same questions that the man she was cheating on with you was asking himself as well. I think you want to see the best in this girl, and that you want to save her from herself but I don't see anything except a pattern that seems to repeat in her life. She looks for the knight in shining armor to save her, without doing anything to save herself. Until she is ready to face some very real and very serious digging into her own psyche and her past, your relationship with her is doomed.
OceanTropic Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Ah. The mother of all questions. She's either stressed, hormonal, hungry, or she has already gotten herself off. Or she's not attracted, which I doubt would be the case if she is your girlfriend or agreed to go home with you.
bac Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Please read my other post but this is a general question to all the women out there. I'm trying to understand what goes on inside a womans head to not be interested in sex? I think for a guy, we will have sex whenever! I don't care if I'm half asleep, if my girlfriend wants sex, I'm always ready. I know it takes more for a woman to be in the mood but I'm going on 3 weeks with my girlfriend and still no sex. What I do know about her is this: 1. Long hours at work causing her to be very tired. 2. Stressing about her career. 3. Stressing about family and life in general. 4. Sleeps way too much! What are other causes? Estrogens decrease libido. So, in general, there is less libido in girls than it is in men. You should increase her libido by emotional, mental and physical stimulation. Stress and depression will decrease libido a lot because she would think about her problems instead of sex. Thinking about anything but not about sex will decrease sex drive. Even cooking a great dinner for you will make her much less sexual because all her thinking will be about cooking. Sleeping too much, doing nothing, having no problems, having vacation and stuff like that will increase her sex drive a lot. Because a woman thinks about sex only when she has nothing more to think about.
LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 For me? Self-respect. I don't care if other women feel free to have as many partners as the day is long. I want to get to know the guy and establish a friendship before having sex. That's just me and it's not everyone's M.O.....just mine.
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