My Story

[my story]

I just ended the affair with a MM last night. I feel horrible and reading the post here does make me feel a little bit better, so I want to share my story also.

 

We met at work six months ago and he was my boss at the time. Up till today, to be fair, I still want to say he is a good person, extremely hardworking, always nice and calm to everyone, smart and funny. Although I liked him as a colleague, I wasn’t attracted to him at all, not to say I had never imagined I would be with a MM in a million years.

 

He started to instant messages me a lot whenever he had time and we talked a lot when we travelled together for work. Then I started to feel something might not be right, I was very careful not to develop any feelings for him and he knew I didn’t want anything happened between us either, but eventually he convinced me we had great friendship. We didn’t even hug each other the first time until about two months later when he visited me at home, but that was it. We didn’t kiss until one month later after that.

 

Long time ago I had come to the conclusion that I didn’t really want to involve with anyone, it only hurts me and I wanted to have full control of my emotion, so this was not easy for me and many times I had wanted to end it. I remember one time after I wanted to discontinue this, he told me when he first met me, he never meant or expected we would be where we were, although he knew from the beginning that I was very special from the start. He was not looking for anything and was totally surprised by it in fact, partly because I was probably once in a lifetime, partly because it had been 14 years with his wife and hadn’t given any thought like he had in all the time he had to me, so if things weren’t going to be between us, he certainly wasn’t going to let something like this happen again, but if something happened with me, he would go with it, to the extend we were both comfortable with it.

 

We started to have intimate relationship about 3 months ago, but he didn’t want to have intercourse because he said he could not. I knew deep down, he was telling himself that if we were not going there, he was not completely cheating, which did not make sense to me, but I respected his decision. He would do a lot of sweet things to me, including driving two hours to see me at 7:30am when I came back from a business trip, sending me tons of emails and text messages while I was away, all meant a lot to me. First he didn't want to say he loved me, he told me he would say that right away if he wasn't married, but eventually he told me he loved me, even though I never said that to him. But at the same time, we never talked about the future and he would seldom mention his wife either. After all, he is married with two young kids he loves to death, I knew I could not make a decision if I were him.

 

A few days ago we finally had sex and I knew right after that he acted strange, with kind of a shame and guilt. A few hours later, he told me over instant message that he felt very guilty and he needed time. I told him I understood. Then we didn’t talk for a few days until last night.

 

I saw him on instant messager, so I said hi. He told me he still didn’t feel right about things. I was very defensive right away, I said I didn’t im you to push you for anything, but it sounded to me that you didn’t want to hear from me again. He told me he just didn’t feel right about things, sorry. I told him things hadn’t been right 6 months ago and he was the one convinced me, now it didn’t seem like he needed more time. He said he waited long enough to have sex to be comfortable, but didn’t realize that would be his reaction. He also said I was a great person, if I wasn’t that great, nothing would have happened, everything he said was how he felt, but it just can’t be, he was very sorry. We chatted for about 40 minute, I just told him that if this makes him feel better, if this makes things easier, if this is what he wants, like how he wanted to start 6 months ago, I will make it easy and won’t be a burden. Then that’s it

 

Sorry for the wordy story, but it’s good to let it out. I know the affair is not right and it is unfair to his wife and his family also, it’s better to end it earlier than later, but I still could not help crying and feeling terrible. Men could walk away from feelings so easily, I wish I could do that. Again, relationship is not for me. I wish this would never happen to anyone.

Edited March 15, 2010 by my story

[BB07]

Hugs to you.......hon. I know it hurts.

 

Think about what you want, what you are willing to settle for or if you are going to settle at all. He'll be back.......and if you prepare yourself for it, you'll be the one holding the reins. You can call the shots, don't let him. Affairs often times put you in such a powerless position, so don't let that happen.

 

 

More hugs to you.......

[Hazyhead]

Also throwing hugs your way My Story. I agree with BB though, he will be back. You need to prepare yourself for how you're going to react when he does. Think carefully about not only what you want but what you want to go through to get that, and what the probability is of that happening. You're already in it and, even though I know it still hurts, you're so right that it's better to end it now than later. Remember that when he comes back to you.

 

Take care of yourself. It will get better.

[my story]

Thank you all, means a lot to me.

 

I didn't sleep much last night and I could hardly control my tears, so I have to take the day off from work. This had never happened to me, everyone thinks I am so strong, but I feel so vulnerable and I hate myself for letting this happened.

[Hazyhead]

Thank you all, means a lot to me.

 

I didn't sleep much last night and I could hardly control my tears, so I have to take the day off from work. This had never happened to me, everyone thinks I am so strong, but I feel so vulnerable and I hate myself for letting this happened.

 

I'm sorry, ms. It's incredibly painful, I know how it feels when the tears just spring. Let them come and don't hate yourself for it. You're not alone, hon.

 

You'll heal but it takes time. Have that end point in mind and you will get there.

[awkward]

I know the affair is not right and it is unfair to his wife and his family also, it’s better to end it earlier than later, but I still could not help crying and feeling terrible. Men could walk away from feelings so easily, I wish I could do that. Again, relationship is not for me. I wish this would never happen to anyone.

 

It's not fair to you either. If the relationship is not right for you, then for your OWN sake stay out of it. Chances are he will contact you again and want to resume where you left off. What will you do?

[ladydesigner]

I didn't sleep much last night and I could hardly control my tears, so I have to take the day off from work. This had never happened to me, everyone thinks I am so strong, but I feel so vulnerable and I hate myself for letting this happened.

 

Big hugs to you my story. I am sorry you have to go through this. I second what the other posters said about him coming back. They always do, especially if you two work together. It is how you handle it when he comes back that will be important now.

 

It feels like you are powerless because he ended things so abruptly, especially after such an intimate act. I too was disposed of as soon as my feelings grew.

 

It's so funny that it is okay for them to have strong feelings and pursue, but as soon as you reciprocate those feelings they run. Cowards:mad:

 

You are better off that this is done and start healing yourself, and as soon as he resurfaces hopefully you will be strong enough to tell him to leave you alone. Take your power back when the opportunity arises. Hell, take your power back anyways by showing him you are okay and are doing just fine without him;)

 

Hang in there!!!

[Heather1]

This is very similar to the beginning of my situation, except I was wildly attracted from the start. We didn't have sex for months after the first kiss, a year after we met. I knew it was because he thought that would be crossing the line, and he thought he could control it. Guys are weird that way, an A starts at intercourse for a guy??? Anyway, he said he was falling for me, etc., everything to lead me to believe he was OK with everything. Hasn't been the same since. I remember that first time & how happy I was, and I saw him walk down the street to his car looking totally ashamed.

 

He's going to come back for you for sure...but here's the deal....it's always going to be that way after sex. That hasn't changed for us at all. We end it, start flirting, get WAY hot for each other again & I feel like he's all in. We have sex & then I get the heave ho & the cricket's. This last time was worse than the others, we haven't talked since. Some of the OW on here have had that at the beginning, and then the MM get over the initial shock & it turns out OK. My OM always freaked out after, and it's really hard.

 

You're in for a rollercoaster. I wish I would have ended it where you are, but I gave him more chances & it really never changed. Each time I was more & more hurt.

[my story]

Before I read everyone's replies, it never occurred to me that he would come back and I still don't believe he would, although it still doesn't make sense to me that why he just realized things between us were not right.

 

As much as I miss him, I really don't want to go through the pain all over again and just like I told him at the beginning, it's only going to get harder. Although we work for the same company, but we don't really see each other at work and I have deleted him from my work instant messager contact list. It will be hard, after all, I had never felt so much love from any man like I had from him, but life goes on, I need to do what's right and I hope I can do it.

[ladydesigner]

I need to do what's right and I hope I can do it.

 

You CAN do it. Believe in the strong woman you know yourself to be. Do not let this man take that from you.

 

 

*Big hugs*

[Heather1]

He's going to come back.....

 

All I can say is, make a plan & stick to it if you don't want to continue. It's REALLY hard to stop!!

 

If you don't have a plan in place (and I don't mean being "friends," cuz that's code for window open), you better buckle up!

[califnan]

Before I read everyone's replies, it never occurred to me that he would come back and I still don't believe he would, although it still doesn't make sense to me that why he just realized things between us were not right.

 

As much as I miss him, I really don't want to go through the pain all over again and just like I told him at the beginning, it's only going to get harder. Although we work for the same company, but we don't really see each other at work and I have deleted him from my work instant messager contact list. It will be hard, after all, I had never felt so much love from any man like I had from him, but life goes on, I need to do what's right and I hope I can do it.

 

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Hello My Story ... These may seem such emty words to you right now ...but not later: Please don't prolong the Agony. Have no further intimacy with him even if he returns ... In your mind, cut it off with him .. it will save you months, years of going through this - only for the same end result ... Read the other stories on here ..

[my story]

Thanks, I understand and I keep telling myself now: it's hard, it's painful, but it will get better.

 

After crying for a whole day, I finally ate something, not a lot, but a good start.

[califnan]

Thanks, I understand and I keep telling myself now: it's hard, it's painful, but it will get better.

 

After crying for a whole day, I finally ate something, not a lot, but a good start.

 

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You're crying and hurting because you feel you have had a great loss ... but you haven't lost Anything .. God has good things for You ..

[Heather1]

make sure you eat! Go for at least a walk (w/ sunglasses). It's a loss, you get to grieve.

[my story]

I will make sure I eat, but not ready to be out of the house yet. My home gives me comfort mentally, I don't have to smile and pretend I am normal. Probably going to take a few more days off. Never thought I would not go to work because of relationship issue.

[my story]

Just got an email from him saying he didn't see me on the work messenger for two straight day, wanted to make sure I am ok and if I want to talk, he is there.

 

Not going to reply, but my tears are coming down again

[Pink_orchid]

Don't cry 'my story' because you are a strong person and have made a big, good, decision although it has hurt you, you should be proud and carry on.

 

Should you feel tearful, maybe come on here and write on here and get support. I just joined the forum today, there's lots of us going through it and I have already had some supportive messages to my thread. I am in tears all the time. I had a job interview today and an hour before it, I was at home in tears, I had to remember that 'the end' was for the best - my story is similar to yours in some ways, mine persued me and did the sweetest things, he was almost obsessed with me at times, and I never thought it would end up like this.

 

Just be strong!