unsaved Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Ok, so, I'm doing NC for going on 2 weeks now. Our relationship has been over for over a month. I haven't had any idea or clue of what he is up to since NC began. I had a pretty good week last week and was in a good mood. I know two weeks really isn't that long, but actually, it has been for me and I already feel like he's becoming just a memory in my life. But over the past 2 days, I have been feeling down in my life. There really isn't anything else I have been thinking about or need to think about with regards to all this. It's all been hashed out or re-re-re-hashed out and I have come to the same conclusions over and over. But I still have this lump in my throat and have thoughts to what he is doing and thinking and feeling. In fact, I feel like I want to talk to someone about him but when I have someone there, I really have nothing to say. It's so strange. I've already said it all. So, why all of a sudden the lull and down feeling? Nothing has seemed to have triggered it. Is anyone else going through this? I really don't like it. Almost as uncomfortable as the beginning. I can't tell if this feeling is me actually recognizing that it's over or if it's just one of my many lows that I will come to experience. Any thoughts? 1
LovelyDaze Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Ok, so, I'm doing NC for going on 2 weeks now. Our relationship has been over for over a month. I haven't had any idea or clue of what he is up to since NC began. I had a pretty good week last week and was in a good mood. I know two weeks really isn't that long, but actually, it has been for me and I already feel like he's becoming just a memory in my life. But over the past 2 days, I have been feeling down in my life. There really isn't anything else I have been thinking about or need to think about with regards to all this. It's all been hashed out or re-re-re-hashed out and I have come to the same conclusions over and over. But I still have this lump in my throat and have thoughts to what he is doing and thinking and feeling. In fact, I feel like I want to talk to someone about him but when I have someone there, I really have nothing to say. It's so strange. I've already said it all. So, why all of a sudden the lull and down feeling? Nothing has seemed to have triggered it. Is anyone else going through this? I really don't like it. Almost as uncomfortable as the beginning. I can't tell if this feeling is me actually recognizing that it's over or if it's just one of my many lows that I will come to experience. Any thoughts? You are doing just fine. Perfect process. Some days you will feel okay, you will even laugh honestly at jokes or feel the sunshine on your face and feel great even...then THUD!!!! The process of healing have good and bad days until the bad days start becoming less and less until there is none. Some days, you WON'T know why you are crying like the 1st day and some days you will be enjoying your day wonderfully! Keep up the good work. You are doing it right after all. Soon...you will be focused on anything and everything else but grieving over your ex.
Rearden Metal Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Hey kiddo... LD is right, you're doing great. We've talked a bit and it's clear to me that you are grieving at a normal pace. For what it's worth, talking to you has helped me immensely in my healing process. Don't be afraid to accept what you're feeling. It's real and it's valid. You're going to feel terrible sometimes, and it might be a long while before it's totally gone. You started listing things about your ex that were negative. Rewrite the list. Add to it. Then ask yourself "Is this what I want for the next 50-60 years?"
Author unsaved Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 You guys are right. I've just hit a down. Just waiting to come out of it, I guess. I think I was looking for a trigger to this lull but I think it was actually triggered by a lack of a trigger, if that makes sense. Nothing is really going on. Nothing has changed. I haven't talked to him in awhile or gotten some FB page update or sign of life from his side of things. All good things, I know. But I guess the awareness of reality is slowly hitting. I'm STILL trying to add to that list. It's just so hard! I'll keep working at it ;-) I've totally been through this before, and not even that long ago. It's funny how it seems so foreign to me. Oh well...This too shall pass. I hope to be on the upswing soon. Thanks LD and RM! RM you're awesome.
Rearden Metal Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 As are you! You're very bright and totally have a grip on things. One thing that's happened to me is that I find myself being upset with myself for having an emotion or dwelling thoughts about my ex. I find it's been helpful for me to "validate" my emotion, or "own it", so to speak. Like, "I'm allowed to have this feeling. It's normal and human. I will name it for what it is (ego, abandonment, failure etc). When I do that, it's like looking at myself in a petri dish. I'm then able to not feel so terrible about my inability to STOP myself from feeling the way I do. Then I just try to let it go. I'm all different levels of successful at that.
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