I got caught cheating. Want her back!

[iamlegend008]

Me and this girl have been dating exclusively for about 4 and a half months. I know she wanted something more serious but wasn't ready to take on the label of being her boyfriend yet. I whispered a couple times that she was my girlfriend to her. Ever since I did that she began referring to me as her boyfriend. So I guess we were boyfriend-girlfriend for the span of 2 weeks before I cheated on her.

 

So last Saturday (over a week ago) I went to a party. There was another party a couple blocks away where I told my girlfriend I would meet her. I ran into a girl who I have hooked up with in the past. We were both pretty drunk and ended up going back to my place. I cut all contact with my girlfriend the rest of the night. She ended up coming to my house late night to see what I was doing. She knocked on my door for a minute and I didn't answer. I figured she'd go away but instead she went into my roomates room and went into his bathroom which connects to my bedroom also. She opened the bathroom door to find me on top of another girl. We were fully clothed and nothing happened other then kissing.

 

I didn't chase after her, which really pissed her off. I didn't really make an effort till a couple days after the incident to try and speak with her. I went to her house and told her that I was really sorry, I'm a dick etc. She rejected me and basically told me to get lost. I left her house.

 

Following Saturday I made another attempt to talk to her at my friends party. I told her that i'm in love with her (something i've never told her before) and even shed a couple tears trying to let her know that I really do care about her and miss her. I also brought her a dead rose I gave her a couple months ago that she kept on the dashboard of her car for a couple months. I found the rose on my lawn the morning after she caught me cheating but I kept it. She didn't give me much of a response and i went home. The following night (last night) she agreed to speak with me again. We ended up sitting in her car from 11 o'clock till past 2 in the morning just talking about things.

 

I really do feel awful about what I did and truely believe I could never allow myself to hurt her like that again. I hope she gets that. She said she can't look at me the same and isn't ready to get back together with me as she thinks what I did will always be in the back of her head. She said she can't even see herself sleeping in my bed anymore. She also told her parents, all her friends and all my friends about what I did to her.

 

What should I do? At this point i'm miserable and just waiting for her to make a descicion on whether she can ever trust me again and allow herself to be with me again. I have never been the type of guy who spoils girls or even chases after them. I have money and was thinking about buying her jewelery or something so I can give that to her next time she decides to speak with me again. I poured my heart out to this girl and the thought of being rejected is not a good feelng.

 

She also lives directly across the street with which makes it difficult.

Any help would be appreciated.

[mrkleen]

You are an immature idiot and deserve whatever you get. Being drunk is no excuse for your ignorant, selfish behavior. Your girlfriend deserves better.

[sally4sara]

Me and this girl have been dating exclusively for about 4 and a half months. I know she wanted something more serious but wasn't ready to take on the label of being her boyfriend yet. I whispered a couple times that she was my girlfriend to her.

 

You lie to make her easier to manipulate.

 

Ever since I did that she began referring to me as her boyfriend. So I guess we were boyfriend-girlfriend for the span of 2 weeks before I cheated on her.

 

So last Saturday (over a week ago) I went to a party. There was another party a couple blocks away where I told my girlfriend I would meet her. I ran into a girl who I have hooked up with in the past. We were both pretty drunk and ended up going back to my place. I cut all contact with my girlfriend the rest of the night.

 

You left her waiting at a party while you stood her up for immediate gratification with another woman.

 

She ended up coming to my house late night to see what I was doing. She knocked on my door for a minute and I didn't answer. I figured she'd go away but instead she went into my roomates room and went into his bathroom which connects to my bedroom also. She opened the bathroom door to find me on top of another girl. We were fully clothed and nothing happened other then kissing.

 

you can't do this and claim you love the person you're doing it to.

 

I didn't chase after her, which really pissed her off. I didn't really make an effort till a couple days after the incident to try and speak with her. I went to her house and told her that I was really sorry, I'm a dick etc. She rejected me and basically told me to get lost. I left her house.

 

Following Saturday I made another attempt to talk to her at my friends party. I told her that i'm in love with her (something i've never told her before) and even shed a couple tears trying to let her know that I really do care about her and miss her. I also brought her a dead rose I gave her a couple months ago that she kept on the dashboard of her car for a couple months. I found the rose on my lawn the morning after she caught me cheating but I kept it. She didn't give me much of a response and i went home. The following night (last night) she agreed to speak with me again. We ended up sitting in her car from 11 o'clock till past 2 in the morning just talking about things.

 

I really do feel awful about what I did and truely believe I could never allow myself to hurt her like that again. I hope she gets that. She said she can't look at me the same and isn't ready to get back together with me as she thinks what I did will always be in the back of her head. She said she can't even see herself sleeping in my bed anymore. She also told her parents, all her friends and all my friends about what I did to her.

 

What should I do? At this point i'm miserable and just waiting for her to make a descicion on whether she can ever trust me again and allow herself to be with me again. I have never been the type of guy who spoils girls or even chases after them. I have money and was thinking about buying her jewelery or something so I can give that to her next time she decides to speak with me again. I poured my heart out to this girl and the thought of being rejected is not a good feelng.

 

She also lives directly across the street with which makes it difficult.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

My advise is to leave her alone and try to be a better person for someone you haven't already crapped all over. You don't love her, you just get your kicks out of manipulating people.

[single-n-lonely]

this is what my ex did, pretty much. except we had been together for much longer.

 

i will never forgive him for it. well, i forgive him, but dont want to have anything to do with him for my own sake. work on yourself first.

 

good luck.

[LovelyDaze]

Wow.

 

What another great insight on the perspective into the mind of a cheater.

 

I will say this. I think it is admirable that you seem to be truly sorry for cheating on your GF and misleading her to believe that you were ready for an exclusive relationship.

 

Your GF should be applauded. She is doing what most of us advise and that is little to NC. She obviously thinks very highly of herself to not accept such reckless behavior from someone that supposedly is her SO.

 

Do this: Give her some time to cool off. Some real time. THEN, contact her to have a real, brutally honest discussion on EVERYTHING you just told us. Admit you were wrong. Don't blame the other girl and certainly don't blame your ex GF..she did nothing wrong.

 

Also, take that separate time to evaluate if you are really ready for a committed relationship with anybody. If so, and your ex fits the bill. Tell her that YOU will do all you can to fix what you broke to regain her trust.

 

I can not promise that she will accept what you would offer. If not, leave her be and love her enough to let her find someone that she CAN trust.

 

Good luck.

[Silver_star]

Me and this girl have been dating exclusively for about 4 and a half months. I know she wanted something more serious but wasn't ready to take on the label of being her boyfriend yet. I whispered a couple times that she was my girlfriend to her. Ever since I did that she began referring to me as her boyfriend. So I guess we were boyfriend-girlfriend for the span of 2 weeks before I cheated on her.

 

So last Saturday (over a week ago) I went to a party. There was another party a couple blocks away where I told my girlfriend I would meet her. I ran into a girl who I have hooked up with in the past. We were both pretty drunk and ended up going back to my place. I cut all contact with my girlfriend the rest of the night. She ended up coming to my house late night to see what I was doing. She knocked on my door for a minute and I didn't answer. I figured she'd go away but instead she went into my roomates room and went into his bathroom which connects to my bedroom also. She opened the bathroom door to find me on top of another girl. We were fully clothed and nothing happened other then kissing.

 

I didn't chase after her, which really pissed her off. I didn't really make an effort till a couple days after the incident to try and speak with her. I went to her house and told her that I was really sorry, I'm a dick etc. She rejected me and basically told me to get lost. I left her house.

 

Following Saturday I made another attempt to talk to her at my friends party. I told her that i'm in love with her (something i've never told her before) and even shed a couple tears trying to let her know that I really do care about her and miss her. I also brought her a dead rose I gave her a couple months ago that she kept on the dashboard of her car for a couple months. I found the rose on my lawn the morning after she caught me cheating but I kept it. She didn't give me much of a response and i went home. The following night (last night) she agreed to speak with me again. We ended up sitting in her car from 11 o'clock till past 2 in the morning just talking about things.

 

I really do feel awful about what I did and truely believe I could never allow myself to hurt her like that again. I hope she gets that. She said she can't look at me the same and isn't ready to get back together with me as she thinks what I did will always be in the back of her head. She said she can't even see herself sleeping in my bed anymore. She also told her parents, all her friends and all my friends about what I did to her.

 

What should I do? At this point i'm miserable and just waiting for her to make a descicion on whether she can ever trust me again and allow herself to be with me again. I have never been the type of guy who spoils girls or even chases after them. I have money and was thinking about buying her jewelery or something so I can give that to her next time she decides to speak with me again. I poured my heart out to this girl and the thought of being rejected is not a good feelng.

 

She also lives directly across the street with which makes it difficult.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

She will never trust you again. Even if she gets back with you, she will do it because she WANTS to trust you...but she wont ever trust you again, and the relationship will fail. You have hurt her badly...you have no one to blame but yourself. Learn from this.

[torranceshipman]

You gave her a dead rose?!

[Twenty-ten]

If you get her back you will only do it again in the long run. You clearly don't respect yourself or your now x girlfriend, so you should just let her be. Getting her back is a challenge but once you get her you will be lose interest again so don't bother her if you really feel bad.

[chocha_mocha]

Yeah, buy her some bling, that will get the image of you ready to do the dirty with another woman out of her head:bunny:

 

So you managed to shed some tears to let her know how sorry you were Most people cry because they feel the need to, not to manipulate a situation. And to leave her at a party wondering where you are and then letting her stand outside your room pretending your not there AND not even contacting her for two days??? I'm sure you're not such a bad guy but seriously, you love this girl? Sorry but thats a joke, a very bad one at that!

[txsilkysmoothe]

Sometimes in life you don't get a second chance - tough lesson to learn.

 

Some people can never get over cheating - tough lesson to learn.

 

But I'm not convinced that you really love this woman based on how you worded a number of things. Plus, you didn't want her to be your "g/f," only whispered it to her? And you took a big risk - you did this right across the street? You had to know she would come looking for you, no? Maybe you wanted out........

[amymarieca]

Sorry to say, but you don't really deserve a second chance with her. To me, there is never an excuse for deceiving someone. Let me ask you this: would you have felt awful about this had you not been caught by her?

 

You weren't ready for a relationship, and that's fine, but you should not have lead her on in the way you did. This is a very bad bump in the road, especially after only 4 months! You should both cut your losses and move on. Do her a favour and stop contacting her so that she can get over this and move on. I don't think she should forgive you or take you back, because then you will have gotten away with it.

 

As for yourself, in the future, always make sure you are honest about your intentions with someone. Show that you respect peoples' feelings and don't make a stupid mistake like this again.

[whichwayisup]

You messed up badly.. Back off and allow her time and space to figure out if saving a 4 month 'relationship', is worth it. To be honest, it sounds like you were playing games with her..Then you cheated on her.

 

So, what is it that you love about her? And, how much is this about your ego?

[Template]

Dude,

Tell us the detail in which your x-gf left and you didn't chase after her. What did you do? Keep on making out with that girl. Some details are being conveniently left out. (This is rhetorical, as we don't really need to know.) From what it seems, is that you really didn't love her at all, at least none of your actions before this incident shows it. If you really care for her, DON'T cause her any more pain. Don't be a reminder of the pain you caused. In other words, LEAVE HER ALONE. You speak of money, and buying her things to try and make up, but personally, I think that's really disrespectful to her. You cannot BUY anyones love.

 

If you want to play the field, then do so. There's nothing wrong with that, but at least be a man, and admit to the women and to yourself. I've met waaaaaaay to many women, that's been hurt by guys like you, and they find it hard to trust men ever again. That's not fair to the true MEN in the world, who has a woman's best interest at heart, as we are being punished for guys like you. You think you feel bad just because you hurt her that night. How about if she now hurt herself any more chances at happiness in the future.

 

Finally, I think you feel bad, not because you cheated. It's because you got caught. It's a lesson YOU have to learn, as you already taught your ex, one to many more than she needed to experience.

[iamlegend008]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I understand what I did was horrible

LovelyDaze,

How long is real time?

 

Torrance,

Yes I gave her a dead rose. It's the only rose i've ever given her.

 

Chocha,

I didn't get tears out to tell her how sorry I was. I don't do a good job of expressing my emotions. I've been single for 2 years and haven't allowed myself to get this close to a girl. I've been with plenty of girls and know I still could get other girls. I don't want other girls though. I want her. She wanted to be my girlfriend and the thought of having a girlfriend scared me. Rather then telling her I was scared,i made a stupid mistake. I've been known to be a dick. I figured if I ignored what had happened I could move on and forget about her. I can't do that though. I didn't even know I was capapable of ever caring about someone as much I realized I cared about her.

 

whichwayisup,

I don't know what signals love. I enjoy her company. She makes me happy. The sex was amazing. I am attracted to her. I like the way she looks at me. I like her laugh. I like the way she would smile at me for no reason.

Maybe i'm not in love. Maybe I should move on and continue my quest for getting laid as much as possible without sex meaning anything.

Ya I messed up.

I'm not going to contact her anymore and hope she does well.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

i still feel like ****

[Silver_star]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I understand what I did was horrible

LovelyDaze,

How long is real time?

 

Torrance,

Yes I gave her a dead rose. It's the only rose i've ever given her.

 

Chocha,

I didn't get tears out to tell her how sorry I was. I don't do a good job of expressing my emotions. I've been single for 2 years and haven't allowed myself to get this close to a girl. I've been with plenty of girls and know I still could get other girls. I don't want other girls though. I want her. She wanted to be my girlfriend and the thought of having a girlfriend scared me. Rather then telling her I was scared,i made a stupid mistake. I've been known to be a dick. I figured if I ignored what had happened I could move on and forget about her. I can't do that though. I didn't even know I was capapable of ever caring about someone as much I realized I cared about her.

 

whichwayisup,

I don't know what signals love. I enjoy her company. She makes me happy. The sex was amazing. I am attracted to her. I like the way she looks at me. I like her laugh. I like the way she would smile at me for no reason.

Maybe i'm not in love. Maybe I should move on and continue my quest for getting laid as much as possible without sex meaning anything.

Ya I messed up.

I'm not going to contact her anymore and hope she does well.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

i still feel like ****

 

Good to hear. Its too bad she had to experience that traumatizing event (you making out with another girl) and had you not been caught you may still be lying to yourself and her. She deserves to be out there and healing from this...you deserve to learn from your mistakes and find someone who you want to be with..who you wont whisper your commitment but come forward to her with it, and honor that commitment.

[ladydesigner]

If you cheated after 4.5 months I think you need to take a step back. Maybe you are not ready for commitment. Let her go. She sounds strong and mature enough that she is ready for a committed relationship. Personally I would not go running back after that. There wasn't much time invested. Cut your losses. You sound very young as well. If you are ready to be in a committed relationship you will take things more seriously next time.

 

Sorry you are going through this.

[LovelyDaze]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I understand what I did was horrible

LovelyDaze,

How long is real time?

 

Torrance,

Yes I gave her a dead rose. It's the only rose i've ever given her.

 

Chocha,

I didn't get tears out to tell her how sorry I was. I don't do a good job of expressing my emotions. I've been single for 2 years and haven't allowed myself to get this close to a girl. I've been with plenty of girls and know I still could get other girls. I don't want other girls though. I want her. She wanted to be my girlfriend and the thought of having a girlfriend scared me. Rather then telling her I was scared,i made a stupid mistake. I've been known to be a dick. I figured if I ignored what had happened I could move on and forget about her. I can't do that though. I didn't even know I was capapable of ever caring about someone as much I realized I cared about her.

 

whichwayisup,

I don't know what signals love. I enjoy her company. She makes me happy. The sex was amazing. I am attracted to her. I like the way she looks at me. I like her laugh. I like the way she would smile at me for no reason.

Maybe i'm not in love. Maybe I should move on and continue my quest for getting laid as much as possible without sex meaning anything.

Ya I messed up.

I'm not going to contact her anymore and hope she does well.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

i still feel like ****

 

"Real time" is when SHE is ready. Not yourself.

 

By e-mail, voicemail or text, Ask her when it is okay for you to talk. It has to be whenever she is okay with hearing more of what you have to say.

 

If she doesn't respond to you, then again...let her be so she can be happy and fall in love with someone she can trust.

 

Whatever happens, be sure to learn from this so you can treat the next girl in your life right.

Edited March 16, 2010 by LovelyDaze

[Dexter Morgan]

What should I do?

 

leave her alone, you've done enough to her.

 

let her move on and find someone that won't eff her over.

[Tnerforireyeh]

Hey bud, feel free to ignore all these flamers. Chicks get upset when they catch you cheating but they will almost always take you back if do a few "grand gestures."

 

I've never had a girl break up with me permanently for cheating, and I've cheated on my share fo' sho'.

 

A girl would much rather date a cheater than a 'nice' boring guy. It means other chicks like you too and that always makes women more keen on you, even when they're hurting inside.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing. Buy her flowers and stuff, tell her you love her, etc. etc. Just don't go overboard--stay rational and don't overspend. If you make promises make sure that they're vague or they're way off into the future. Like don't promise to get engaged the next day or something.

 

No worries bud, you may feel bad but there are way worse things you can do to a woman than treat her bad... like treat her too well. (Guys who know chicks for real will agree with me.)

 

If you can get her to somehow blame herself at least a little for your cheating you are golden. That's grand master stuff, though. Women are often excellent at it.

Edited March 17, 2010 by Tnerforireyeh

[bentnotbroken]

Hey bud, feel free to ignore all these flamers. Chicks get upset when they catch you cheating but they will almost always take you back if do a few "grand gestures."

 

I've never had a girl break up with me permanently for cheating, and I've cheated on my share fo' sho'.

 

A girl would much rather date a cheater than a 'nice' boring guy. It means other chicks like you too and that always makes women more keen on you, even when they're hurting inside.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing. Buy her flowers and stuff, tell her you love her, etc. etc. Just don't go overboard--stay rational and don't overspend. If you make promises make sure that they're vague or they're way off into the future. Like don't promise to get engaged the next day or something.

 

No worries bud, you may feel bad but there are way worse things you can do to a woman than treat her bad... like treat her too well. (Guys who know chicks for real will agree with me.)

 

If you can get her to somehow blame herself at least a little for your cheating you are golden. That's grand master stuff, though. Women are often excellent at it.

 

 

You have the emotional maturity of a snail on Ritalin

[samsungxoxo]

I'm not going to waste my time labeling you names like many posters did. I don't understand why the need to if you're not even going to give advice (so what about your bad experience, you're now dealing with the SO's story not yours). If you flamers aren't going to be helpful then how about writing nothing.

 

If you want your relationship to work out then you would have to give her space and if she decides to give you another chance... be honest all the time and give her access to your email, cell phone, passwords, etc...

 

Since you recently mentioned your doubts about loving her then maybe you weren't ready for a committed relationship. There is nothing wrong with casual relationship but let the women know that you want nothing too serious. I was a bit scared too the first time I was in a serious relationship with my b/f but got used to it.

 

As for now, I think NC would be a good suggestion so we both know what you want in life. Lastly, if both of you get back together don't bring her a dead rose again.. that's kinda offensive to a woman esp. if you're trying to reconcile and cheating was involved.