watever12 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Hey guys, I am completely new to this forum, but after what just happened merely hours ago, I searched up "breakup forums" and got to here. I really need to let things out as my boyfriend and I have the same set of friends, and we've made a pact not to get them involved in our issues. But anyway, a few hours ago, my boyfriend and I got into a physical fight. This isn't the first time we've been violent to one another, and I feel like even though we talk things through and promise each other not to be, things always get out of hand from the smallest, tiniest thing. Like today, I was upset he didn't pick up the phone last night because I really needed to get my keys back to get to work this morning. He gets mad and says he didn't do anything wrong and yells at me. So I get mad and get out of the car when it was stopped at the light. He drives off and leaves me stranded (and late to work already). I expected him to come back or call me 10-15 mins or so, but he doesn't, so I call him because there was no way I could've gotten/walked to work from that distance. He comes back and I'm angry he didn't care that I walked off, and you can imagine how things went from there.. he ends up with a scratched cheek and busted lips, and I end up with bruised knuckles and an aching jaw. It's always a cycle.. violence, apology, makeup. Seriously, I know this relationship is bad and very unhealthy and I need OUT. But we've been together for 3 years and I letting go has never been easy (I've tried on multiple occassions, but it never lasts more than a few hours). He always promises to care more about me (because trust me, he doesn't) and it never happens when it needs to. How do I convince myself to let this relationship go? I keep convincing myself to give it another chance, that he will finally care about me and we wouldn't let things get out of hand again. Every time we "breakup," I'm always the one who ends up calling him back. The thing that irks me is, if we ever were to truly breakup, he'd never be the one who wants to get back together .. he just doesn't care enough, and that really bothers me. I keep thinking that it'll change and that I can make him care when I know I can't. I just keep lying to myself
Rearden Metal Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 You've got yourself a poisonous relationship there, girl. First thing you've got to do is take responsibility for being violent towards him. Own the fact that you need to stop that sh*t immediately. Second thing, you need to never see a man again who would physically harm you. For whatever the reason. You need to find the self respect to get out of that cycle RIGHT NOW. Good luck..
carhill Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Welcome to LS So I'm clear, you and BF have violent past and, on more than one occasion after physical violence, he is willing to walk away and not participate in the relationship further and you pursue him? Do you think a loving relationship should be violent? Perhaps a better word for you is 'passionate'....without that passion, you feel unloved? Here's my suggestion: When he doesn't come back, instead of calling him, call a domestic abuse hotline and they will refer you to psychological counseling. You don't have to identify anyone; indicate that you are not in clear and present danger and would like to learn ways of avoiding these types of relationships in the future. Best wishes
LovelyDaze Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Welcome to LS So I'm clear, you and BF have violent past and, on more than one occasion after physical violence, he is willing to walk away and not participate in the relationship further and you pursue him? Do you think a loving relationship should be violent? Perhaps a better word for you is 'passionate'....without that passion, you feel unloved? Here's my suggestion: When he doesn't come back, instead of calling him, call a domestic abuse hotline and they will refer you to psychological counseling. You don't have to identify anyone; indicate that you are not in clear and present danger and would like to learn ways of avoiding these types of relationships in the future. Best wishes Exactly. I just answered a question that preludes the same connotation...ugly drama. It's one thing to go on a merry go round of silly drama of hating each other then loving each other and so on and on....but it's another thing to have blood drawn. No more of this. End it here because it WON'T change. Drama is for plays. Drama is for TV. Drama is for movies. This is REAL life. Love doesn't hurt. Love feels good. Love is compromise. Love is selfless not selfish. As advised, have the strength to call a domestic abuse hotline and get the courage to walk away. Ask yourself if you are happy...hell, are you even content? Your answer will be telling...especially if it comes with a "but" at the end of it...
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