annsumm Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) I had been dating a guy who I am still very fond of for 6 months. The more time we spent together, the more I realised he had deep rooted emotional issues. At first, I tried to help by listening and suggesting counseling etc. However, it began to drain me emotionally. I started to feel that everything was about him and his problems and that I kind of didn't even exist anymore ! I am a fairly confident person and he began to try and put me down a lot, calling me names and criticising me a lot (not in a helpful or constructive way). I also started to notice his aggressiveness, verbally towards me and almost physically sometimes (he once ripped a plastic shopping bag out of my hand when he thought I had ignored something he said!), he was far too confrontational towards other people and was very negative and pessimistic. It got too much for me, so I ended the relationship. That was 3 weeks ago and although I have told him that I no longer want communication with him, he continues to call, text, email everyday, saying he wants to try again (we have split twice previously and I always give in), he misses me, his life is empty, he feels like dying etc etc.. I have tried no contact but it doesn't seem to work. I still have some feelings for him but he needs to get professional help and I don;t want him back. I feel as though I can't move on. I feel guilty because he needs help. I am also starting to feel depressed about the whole situation and really do not know how to deal with it all. Thanks Edited March 15, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
mrkleen Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 You are SO MUCH BETTER without someone like that. Any break up is hard in the short term because you focus on the positives and tend to whitewash the negatives. In time you will start to not only feel stronger and better about yourself, but you will thank you lucky stars for what you have gotten away from . A life on the up and down rollercoaster that is not healthy for anyone. Keep your head up, do something nice for yourself, confide in friends, and DO NOT CALL HIM. You will be fine.
boogieboy Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Its going to take a while before you stop missing him. You need to block his number, or change yours, and disable that email address.
Author annsumm Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 Its going to take a while before you stop missing him. You need to block his number, or change yours, and disable that email address. Yeah I have blocked his email and phone number from my home phone. I can't change my mobile as I am self employed and so many people have that number so I am ignoring his calls and texts. I just need to slap myself round the head and get on with things but its so hard when he is trying to make me feel sorry for him and I still have feelings. Also, I have to go to court later in the year as a prosecution witness. He decided to be the hero one time and confront a couple of drunken louts who beat him up in front of me. I am dreading this.
sadheart2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 iam sorry to say this but this guy sounds a little bit crazy.He sounds like he will come around your place one day and force you to talk.Maybe you should explain him that you dont want to ignore him,but there is no chance for both of you guys. Since you feel he has issues ...who knows what he will do next....i met a guy like this in the past so u never know...
unsaved Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Ann, Wow, you remind me of me and where I was at almost 1.5 years ago. I dated a guy who had many emotional issues too. I fell in love with this person and became so attached that I could not let him go, even when he was treating me in the exact same ways as you. In my case, my ex was also an alcoholic and became very verbally violent during these times. He never physically hit me (b/c he knew better), but he would emotionally hurt me and threaten to kill himself to manipulate me, and many OTHER forms of manipulation that left me screaming and crying and in the worst emotional states of my life. I broke up with him after about 6 months too. BUT, I was NOT strong to keep this going. We ended up back together and I spent the next 1.5 years in pure hell. However, I was so in love with him that I couldn't leave. I kept coming back. It only ended after he ended up leaving me and impulsively sleeping with another girl. Thank God for that, cuz it KEPT me away for good. DO NOT do what I did. You will end up in a never-ending cycle! STAY STRONG and do not go back to him unless he has gotten SERIOUS mental health treatment. I would send him one last message that clearly states, "I will never get back with you until you have had serious mental health treatment addressing your emotional issues and violent tendencies for several months or years." Then, never talk to him again. If you do, he WILL find a way to manipulate you back into his life b/c he DOES know you care about him. I know exactly how you are feeling. But, YOU CANNOT HELP HIM. EVER. You staying with him will ONLY MAKE HIM WORSE and he will never get help. Trust me, I work with individuals like this every day and I dated one. Listen to what everyone else's advice too :-)
unsaved Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Oh, and I'm sorry to make it appear as if I was saying your ex was the same as mine. My ex was probably WAY crazier than yours. And, obviously I had my own emotional issues to deal with since I stayed with someone like that, which you probably do not have. But, still, you HAVE to set appropriate boundaries with soemone like that. If not, they will continue to hurt you over and over and let you get caught up in their emotional mess. THAT is why I say please stick to setting a boundary of him getting and staying in treatment until you are ready to deal with him again. You sound like a very strong person, unlike I was. I know you can do this and it WILL get better. Keep posting and we'll be here to help!
Author annsumm Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 Well, last nights episode has got to me even more. He has now sent pictures of himself when he first got beaten up to me. They show him at his worst so are very unpleasant. Included at the bottom of the pictures were captions 'remember this' and 'does this mean nothing to you?' Then a string of texts claiming that I dont care, I must hate him, he wishes the attackers had finished him off etc etc. I haven't responded. At this point in time, I feel like withdrawing my statement about what happened to him, even though he didn't deserve it, the fact that I witnessed it and made a statement and will have to go to court is making it so that he kind of has a hold on me. I am also dreading that day as I will have to face him after all of this.
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