Nexicon Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) So about 3 weeks ago my highschool sweetheart friends me on facebook. We get to chatting and things are really getting hot. Meanwhile, im married for not even 2 years, the sweatheart knows this, but my wife is an alcoholic and has just recently emptied half the bank account on gambling. Its time to move on im thinking. My first love and i have always had a special bond, but over 28 years things just kept getting in the way. I tell my wife i want a divorce. She tells me she loves me with all her heart and wants me to help her get better. She went to aa in the past but failed a couple of times and has been drinking for 25 years, i knew this when i married her. I had left her on her own to get better and really made no attempt to help her. My sweetheart is chatting with me one night telling me about her life and her 2 young sons and says i have to tell you something, I have herpes. At the time i said that doesnt matter, my heart was exploding at thought of being back together with her. So i leave for a few days to stay with a friend and end up booking a plane ticket to go see my first love. Had about 12 hours to myself over the weekend and start thinking about what im doing. Ditching my house, my wife and all the things i had for my first love with herpes and 2 young boys. I still really loved my wife but just didnt want to deal with the alcoholism and knew that i really didnt do my part to help her get better. Ultimately i chose to stay with my wife, i just didnt like the baggage my first love was coming into the relationship with. I knew that i had to do my part in my marriage and make a strong effort to help my wife. If after this, it didnt work out, i knew i could leave the relationship with a clear conscience and maybe then start over. I know my ex girlfriend will be crushed that im not coming to see her, but i am compelled to give my wife a good shot at getting better. I know the risk is high that she will relapse and i may have blown a chance to get my first love back, but i feel im doing the right thing. What do you think? Edited March 15, 2010 by Nexicon
linwood Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I think both your choices suck but you have a responsibility to make an earnest effort with your marriage.
arumm Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Sounds like both you and the old sweetheart are looking to escape your situation. Two wrongs don't make a right. However, I don't think staying with your wife is a good idea either...as long as you enable her alcoholism, she will contintue to be one...it might take you divorcing her to face her addiction and deal with it properly (I've faced an addiction before so I can say this with honesty that you aren't responsible for her or making her better...you're just enabling). Sounds like you need some time away from any relationship and focus on your own healing. Most spouses of alcoholics develop serious issues themeselves to deal with living with an addict, usually in teh form of co-dependency. You should look into infor for al-anon, families/spouse of alcoholics and codependents anon.
Rearden Metal Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 troll alert Has to be. A decent effort, though!
Silver_star Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 at least you wont have herpes...unless you cheat on your wife physically this time. Just because your wife is having problems doesnt mean you should leave her, what if you had a serious problem would you want her to leave you? You should feel like an ******* for your behavior over the last little while, and appreciate what you take for granted
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