cdt76 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 After having my life ripped to pieces and then rebuilding it just to have it ripped apart again, I'm thinking about just giving up completely on dating, love, passion and all that BS that goes along with it. I can be perfectly content with just myself, lonely, but content. So does anyone else just want to give it up?
DenverBachelor Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 After having my life ripped to pieces and then rebuilding it just to have it ripped apart again, I'm thinking about just giving up completely on dating, love, passion and all that BS that goes along with it. I can be perfectly content with just myself, lonely, but content. So does anyone else just want to give it up? I'll drag my bloodied heart up to Cupid's doorstep with my last ounce of passion before I give up on love. Giving up is for people who don't understand that life will give you a bloody lip so you might as well taste the blood, smile and keep fighting the good fight.
paleblue Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Yes I do feel like giving up every day, but you know we can’t. something deep down keeps pushing us to march on. I don’t know what it is -but it's there.
unsaved Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 *raises hand*!!! MEEEE! Too bad my body and my heart only pressure me and push me MORE to wanting to find someone else after having my heart ripped to shreds on mulitple occasions in the past 2 years. You would think I would feel totally content with being alone and not having the pains of a relationship. My brain tells me being alone is what is right. My heart and emotions push for me to go do it all over again. Oy. It's funny how our thoughts and emotions can conflict SOOO much. Dammit! :-)
sedgwick Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) I gave up. And yes, I'm lonely, but I'm content. The last heartbreak was so bad I decided I never wanted to risk going through that again, EVER. I am now going on three years totally single, no sex or even flirting. Nobody flirts with me anyway, so in a way it's not like I had a choice, but I basically just withdrew into my apartment after he left. I've now left the country for a year to try to get over him and see if I can be social again. The other night I walked into a bar and walked out, which was a major accomplishment for me. I'm proud of myself but it's going in VERY slow steps. I am fully resigned to never having a lover again. I don't even think of romance as a possibility anymore -- that's just a part of my life that's in the past, and is now for other people. The way I see it, the rest of my life is about figuring out what else I can do with myself! Edited March 15, 2010 by sedgwick
LovelyDaze Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) Of course! But giving up is suicide. If you kill yourself you will NEVER have a chance to be happy. Same as giving up on anything even smaller. If you give up on love, you may just stay in your house moping and yet had you have went outdoors to get your mail, you may have met the love of your life! I have met my ex-BFs in a plethora of ways: the car wash, tag agency, grocery store, work, football game, my best friend's b-day party, and even in the airport rental car company! You just never know. Pretend you KNOW you will live until the age of 90. It is a guarantee that the last week of your life...SOMETHING crappy is going to happen on one of those days..possible a whole sh***day altogether! It's just life. You will have bumps and bruises until you die. DON'T GIVE UP! Leave your heart's door open so the right one can come in when it's time. We may go through 14 MORE bad relationships or we may meet the love of our life and be happy forever! Again, you just never know. We all have to give it our best shot so we can say we really truly tried until the end. Edited March 15, 2010 by LovelyDaze
Author cdt76 Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 So, if by talking and walking and living you've met all these people that come in and out of your life, is it worth the heartache that comes with the eventual loss? I will admit I'm lonely as anyone on this board and I want more than anything to have those electric feelings of someone loving me and loving her but to be devastated like this again is something that I might not be capable of doing. I just wonder what the alternative is. I'm not afraid to be me and girls do find me attractive but something will make me quit looking and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.
sedgwick Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I would like to have those feelings again too, but I'm completely done chasing them. I want someone to do the work to make ME like THEM this time around. I'm tired of feeling like I put in mountains of effort just to be dumped, and I will freely admit I choose the wrong guys, which makes the eventual dumping more probable. If I'm ever going to have another relationship, I need one that is drama-free, where I feel secure that he likes me as much as I like him. I need to figure out if I can find that electricity and excitement with a nice guy, someone who is mature and self-actualized, who takes care of himself both mentally and physically. I want someone sane and driven and passionate and self-sufficient and good in the sack, with a big brain, with no kids, not an addict, and not gay. I'm almost 39, and finding someone like that who's not taken is nearly impossible. I don't mean to sound fatalistic, it's just true. When I was younger I could afford to take a shot on the self-destructive bad boys because the drama was soooo intense and the sex was sooooo good, but once you get over that, you find the playing field is significantly narrowed. So I'm just trying to do other stuff with my life with no expectations of that ever coming along.
Author cdt76 Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 Find a person with all those traits and no kids is almost impossible. I'm not as particular as to the children because I have my own but everthing else you said, I want. I also want the peace I had before. I never questioned what people at work think of me or if they are talking about me or if I'm just being paranoid. I want to experience the freedom of having my own life back without the fear of being seen as lonely or lacking in some way just because I'm not dating anyone. Uhg, it's just too much right now. I can barely even think about it without being drug down into those negative feelings!
Andrew1984 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 ive given up. no desire left at all. Sorry ladies...
USMCHokie Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Yes please. I'm also making T-shirts to benefit the cause...
spriggig Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I'll give up when I'm dead. Til then I'm all in.
DenverBachelor Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 ive given up. no desire left at all. Sorry ladies... One less competitor!
skydiveaddict Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Yes please. I'm also making T-shirts to benefit the cause... When do they go on sale?
USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 When do they go on sale? Still working on a clever graphic with caption...
skydiveaddict Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Still working on a clever graphic with caption... ok but put me on the waiting list
LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I would like to have those feelings again too, but I'm completely done chasing them. I want someone to do the work to make ME like THEM this time around. I'm tired of feeling like I put in mountains of effort just to be dumped, and I will freely admit I choose the wrong guys, which makes the eventual dumping more probable. I am taking a dating "break" and afterward I also will stop pursuing the guy. It seems to get me nowhere. EVEN when the guy was relentlessly pursuing me first, they turn around and back off so I can start chasing them. Next time that happens, I will let him back off.... right off the cliff......
monkeymaid Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 this thread is depressing! i refuse to give up. ...i wont i wont i wont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
skydiveaddict Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 this thread is depressing! i refuse to give up. ...i wont i wont i wont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I still had your enthusiasm. But it's too late for me
spriggig Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 How about this? Give up on pursuit but maintain yourself for yourself. You know what happens then, right? It happens when you least expect it.
Weird Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I wouldn't say I have given up to the point that if this perfect girl (for me of course) came along I'd go for it...but outside of that there is no way I am going to waste my time on the hunt when I can be pretty sure something isn't going to work out and I'll just be left with more memories I do not need. I had some opportunities over the last handful of years with some decent women but I just realized that there is no way anything was going to happen there in the long run so instead of really getting involved with them just to "live in the now" I decided to save myself the drama later on. I am the first to admit though that I am not a typical guy. I like doing the 'loner" thing (watching movies/shows by myself) quite often and am simply not a big social guy. I also think about the things you have to do when being in a relationship and I don't like the idea of having to worry about someone else and what they are thinking and then having stupid arguments. I commend those that still have the faith and keep it up regardless of all the failure they may have had and the general failure that is around them because let's face it....today's relationship world is more failure than success.
worlybear Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I also have days(weeks!)when I feel I want to give up-but quite honestly it's not really an issue as I think everyone in my local area is either in a steady relationship or possibly dead. Where has everybody gone? I 've joined a local drama group and been on a dating website but it would be great just to meet a bunch of people just to chill out with, go bowling, coffee etc... I just would like to re-connect with the human race. Does anyone else have this problem or is it just a british/rural issue?
Always A Lesson Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I had given up too. 3 Heartbreaks in a row, I went into a safe cocoon for 4 years. I had become numb and lost feelings. Well, here comes Mr. Separated, he brings me out of the cocoon gives me false hope and created a relationship that suited him at best. All the while, knowing what I'd been through, I was vulnerable and hungry to be loved. Yep, he took advantage of it, the red flags and lies etc. Problem here is I fell so hard for him. That's what I'm having a hard time getting past it all. I still miss him, even though I know he doesn't think about me. Question is...... will I give up on love??? Absolutely not! I'll be more protective of my heart, am I looking for love... no... I feel love will find me , if it's meant to be. My disposition on life is this... yea, we've all been through heartbreak hell, but what we've learned is worth more than gold, it's insight, wisdom, intuition. We don't ignore red flags anymore, we listen to our instincts. Life is not perfect, but through our pain we're better prepared. Sandra Bullock just got a shocker, her husband was accused of cheating for 11 months, while she was filming. 2 things came to my mind. 1. I "think" Jesse cheater on his prior wife with Sandra to begin with, so their foundation was built on mistrust to start. 2. He was married before to a porn star. I saw it coming, and this knowledge all came from my education from LS. Bottom line, through our pain, we gain insight and knowledge, I think our choices will be better, no need to give up on love. Focus on ourselves and love will find us. This time around we're better informed.
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