drpepper43 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I found a really nice 1BR apartment nearby, and I put a deposit down. I purposely picked a unit where the move-in date was a ways off (May 10), just in case any last minute heroics come in to play. The apartment is not in the same town where I live now unfortunately, but it is a mere 10 mins away so I'm hopeful this will not cause too much disruption in my kids lives. In the meantime, we continue to work on things, discuss things, and go to MC. I am also going to IC, though my wife has stopped going to hers, which is disappointing. In addition, her IC had sent a request for me to attend my wife's IC session with her, which makes me think she isn't really treating IC like she should... but what do I know. My wife and I have had some talks recently that have just boggled my mind. For example, my wife is a few inches over 5 feet and weighs 235. (She weighed about 170 when we were dating.) Out of pure frustration one day recently, I confronted her about this. How do you think it makes me feel that you have gained all this weight, yet seem so concerned about minor trivial house upkeep and such? Do you not see that I am far more concerned about you and your health than the house, yet there is nothing I can seemingly do to help? Her answer: I didn't realize it affected you. ???? A few days later, I asked her if we could come up with a "contract" of things that we'd be willing to do for each other now that we are gaining a new understanding of each other. I went first and among other things, I pledged about 10 hours a week to additional house work, financial planning, family time, and break time for her, which were things she had been asking for. After a few days, I got hers, which basically said she'd lose 20 pounds and be willing to spend an hour a week on activity with me without the kids. One hour. I was stunned. I really thought the contract idea might be a good way to usher in a new era, but seeing her answer in print basically said to me that she is not really understanding what I am looking for. Lately I am feeling an incredible conflict between doing the right thing for my kids and honoring my vows to my wife, and doing what my heart wants to do and leave. Every day it is a struggle and as the move-in date gets closer, the ping pong effect between these two trains of thought intensifies. On one hand, I know my kids would prefer me to stay, obviously. I am better off financially staying. My wife and I still get along very well on a polite level and a co-parenting level, so I could live with it, at least for a while. But on the other side, while I still think my wife is a beautiful person, my desire is completely gone. We do nothing together and look forward to time away from her more than time with her most of the time. Even fun events with her seem like obligations I need to do in my role as husband rather than opportunities to have fun. Just when I think things are completely hopeless, my wife has gotten up at 5am the last three days to walk a mile before the day started. Which is *entirely* out of character for her. And again, the same problem erupts in my head: I get a huge surge of hopefulness seeing this action on her part, and yet, part of me thinks, she's just doing this to stop me from leaving and the minute move-in day passes, she's going to stop. Does anyone have experience with this? Could she really be changing? Thanks for reading.
Author drpepper43 Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 And in case it was not clear, I am planning moving out in May. This is not meant to be so much a "what do I do?" type thread as much as just wondering if others have been here before and how they dealt with the emotions. I feel like the guy awaiting execution at quarter of midnight in jail, hoping and praying the governor will call. I want a reason to call off the move.
giotto Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 well, you'll just have to wait and see... it might be a genuine effort. Although I doubt it (because I'm and old cynic) and and I'm pretty sure she is doing it to keep you there, there is still plenty of time until May to find out if she means it or not... you can give her a last chance... if she fails this time, then so be it...
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