A Year Later

[turnstone]

I can empathise with the feelings that are aroused by encroachment into one's life. For me, as an ex BS, its slightly different of course. Its also different in that after I left my then H, the OWomen made a lot of attempts to find out what I was doing and what I was up to (for reasons that are unimportant here), and it stinks.

 

I got out of the situation using pretty drastic measures, but I also know that their attempts to intrude upon my life would have stopped eventually. Maybe you're just going to have to go with the flow on this one and wait it out.

 

I really admire how you're coming across OP.

[Snowflower]

Thanks all for the feedback. Snow, I'm pissed because I'm human. I have worked hard to maintain nc. We have a lot of common friends whom I've backed off from to maintain distance. We agreed to nc and I've bent over backwards to make it happen. Hard work. Btw this wasn't me looking up ip adresses. This site stamps visitors so I was able to see in front of me her name. She encroached my space. It's disrespectful to me, my wife and her h. Too much hardwork goes into getting your family back. I want her nowhere near me.

 

samprez, Please let it go. If she isn't encroaching further into your life (phone calls, attempts to make face-to-face contact, etc.), then don't worry about what she is doing.

 

As for the common friends that you have with the xMW, perhaps the distance you have from them is part of the fallout of your decision to have an affair. It isn't the xMW's fault that you feel you can no longer have close ties with these mutual friends. You kind of screwed that all up when you crossed the line into an affair.

 

As a fBS, I find your mindset regarding your xMW commendable. I'm glad you are maintaining your distance from her and concentrating on your marriage.

 

BTW, did you tell your wife about the visits on your website? It's part of that transparency thing that helps rebuild trust.

[samprez]

Yes I told my wife. She's not happy and feels since this site includes data about me and contact info and a picture that it's not cool. Shewas upset and for a while went I shared with her it felt like it was a year ago. But she settled down and realized I was asking fir help too. Btw the site visits have continued. It's not cool that xmw is looking at all.

 

I think she knows I can see she's visited. So far I've ignored but if this continues I'll deal.

 

FYI. Snow I'm aware of consequences and so my distancing from common friends is something I chose to do. That was part of my ensuring nc. What I was saying was how amazed I am that she hasn't done the same. No shame. I'm ashamed all of the time. I get the price for what I've done. I have lost quite a bit because of my choices.

[Hazyhead]

I commend you for your solid efforts to renew your marriage and put it first above everything. But, to be honest, it sounds as if you resent the fact the your xAP seems to have gotten away with things far more lightly than you; when I'll bet she hasn't. Why would she give up friends if it was you that initiated NC? That was YOUR choice; is she supposed to go off and bury her head in the sand in the hope that no mutual friends contact her? Good for her for keeping them. I think you should just take her visiting your site as one of the casualties of having an affair and let it go. What difference does it make to you? I don't think it's worth addressing her about; why drum up the past even more just for that?

[samprez]

Wow. Hard group here. There is way more detail then I can explain out here. Her behavior has been to try to stay connected somehow. I am perplexed because of how we ended a how we got to nc. As with everything there is a back story to all of this. Trust me that I have cause to be upset. The one thing I have done is own my part in this. I told my wife about this and had to relive some of the **** from this stuff, and I'm paying big time for my affair.

 

So "she" could do what I asked during nc; which was to disappear. Man this site is tough. I'm doing about 90% of what the consensus out here suggests and then I get ripped because my ap is lurking in my page and leaving a marker? I have done nothing in the year since nc. So yea I'm upset.

 

And no she shouldn't bury her head but she should create some barriers too. Those mutual friends are all men and my life long guys from school. So I think she should have backed off a little. Want to really debate me on this?

[OFGnomore]

Wow. Hard group here. There is way more detail then I can explain out here. Her behavior has been to try to stay connected somehow. I am perplexed because of how we ended a how we got to nc. As with everything there is a back story to all of this. Trust me that I have cause to be upset. The one thing I have done is own my part in this. I told my wife about this and had to relive some of the **** from this stuff, and I'm paying big time for my affair.

 

So "she" could do what I asked during nc; which was to disappear. Man this site is tough. I'm doing about 90% of what the consensus out here suggests and then I get ripped because my ap is lurking in my page and leaving a marker? I have done nothing in the year since nc. So yea I'm upset.

 

And no she shouldn't bury her head but she should create some barriers too. Those mutual friends are all men and my life long guys from school. So I think she should have backed off a little. Want to really debate me on this?

 

Same thing happened to me, xMM was visiting my work webpage as well. And I get marketing reports that tell me where hits come from and for the most part the LS community responded to me the same way, ignore it or accusing me of "liking it". I understand how invasive it feels. But I think part of your growth and healing is to detach from xMW, meaning indifference. I think if you ignore it may go away or it could escalate into direct contact eventually. How would you "deal" with her lurking contact if you want her to stop? Communicate directly with her H? FTR, I contacted my xMMs W and lawyer. XMM hired one to keep my H's mouth shut about the affair and threated to sue him with slander if told people in our community about it even though it was true, xMM wanted to protect his squeaky clean, good guy, family man image, (which is now shot). Anyway, xMM turned it around saying he was keeping tabs on me trying to "protect his family" (pretty lame excuse, since I'm a caterer and my webpage has my picture, food pictures, and pricing on it - it never changes.) Even though I ended the A and sent his W the emails xMM sent from his workplace at the time of disclosure. Xmm a year later, made up stories about me stalking him, etc. Just crazy, unsubstantiated stuff. Truth is most "wonderful people" don't have affairs, that means you & me and xOPs. At the core, we have issues to deal with. If you need to confront, I'd ask yourself what are your goals? Mine was to get xMM to stop lurking, which he has but it also gave him an opportunity to throw some untrue sh*t at my H because he's started emailing my H directly acusing me of mulitple affairs, etc as a way to "save face" in front of his wife for lurking on my site. All pure lies because he got caught lurking a year later. But seeing xMM in this light has helped too. The guy is still choosing a path of dishonestly after all the pain the affair has caused. My take away? Stay far, far away from xMM - it's a no win deal and it's not my problem.

 

Good luck pal.

Edited April 12, 2010 by OFGnomore

[Spark1111]

Yes I told my wife. She's not happy and feels since this site includes data about me and contact info and a picture that it's not cool. Shewas upset and for a while went I shared with her it felt like it was a year ago. But she settled down and realized I was asking fir help too. Btw the site visits have continued. It's not cool that xmw is looking at all.

 

I think she knows I can see she's visited. So far I've ignored but if this continues I'll deal.

 

FYI. Snow I'm aware of consequences and so my distancing from common friends is something I chose to do. That was part of my ensuring nc. What I was saying was how amazed I am that she hasn't done the same. No shame. I'm ashamed all of the time. I get the price for what I've done. I have lost quite a bit because of my choices.

 

Samprez, I guess that is the point I am trying to make: Some people have no feelings of shame or remorse for the pain they have inadvertantly caused others. They avoid consequences so maybe they are never forced to confront the pain they haved caused. They only feel their own pain.

 

They are often selfish and self absorbed. This may be your OW.

 

Did she or you ever tell her husband of the affair?

 

If not, then it is business as usual for her; trawling to see how happy you mtruly are or if you will respond to her visiting, or maybe seeing if someone else may be available to meet her unmet emotional needs.

 

I think sometimes the best defense is to do or say....nothing; to ignore. Few things shout you are no longer important to me than to just ignore any attempts at contact.

 

Or, as in my case, let your wife call her and tell her to back off now. That shows how connected you and your wife are once again. Maybe she will take the hint.

[John Who]

Insight welcome. I mentioned in this thread that "she" hit one of my web sites about 2 weeks ago. She did it again this weekend. This upsets me as I have had zero contact with her including having never looked at anything of hers since we parted ways last year. I feel pissed. Am I wrong? Is this breaking nc?

I feel it is. I have eliminated her everywhere I could online. Btw to visit this page one has to be deliberate.

 

You know my xAP also does this to me after a little over 3 years and she still looks me up on other sites to see what I'm doing and who I'm with she even ask's about me to others who are mutual friends.

 

I get annoyed because why look me up,its been over 3 years I want nothing to do with her,I get disgusted every time I find out she's snooping around my life.

 

Just wondering but is this a common thing for OW to do?

[Snowflower]

Wow. Hard group here. There is way more detail then I can explain out here. Her behavior has been to try to stay connected somehow. I am perplexed because of how we ended a how we got to nc. As with everything there is a back story to all of this. Trust me that I have cause to be upset. The one thing I have done is own my part in this. I told my wife about this and had to relive some of the **** from this stuff, and I'm paying big time for my affair.

 

So "she" could do what I asked during nc; which was to disappear. Man this site is tough. I'm doing about 90% of what the consensus out here suggests and then I get ripped because my ap is lurking in my page and leaving a marker? I have done nothing in the year since nc. So yea I'm upset.

 

And no she shouldn't bury her head but she should create some barriers too. Those mutual friends are all men and my life long guys from school. So I think she should have backed off a little. Want to really debate me on this?

 

Please don't be so defensive. I think you are handling the situation the best way you can under the circumstances. Of course there is a lot that posters here don't know. We can only go by what you posted.

 

FWIW, I'm glad you told your wife and it makes sense that she was upset. But, the fact that you told her continues to rebuild trust and strengthens the bond between the two of you.

 

I think if this type of thing happened to my fWH and his xOW, I would be upset but I would be glad he was telling me. Maybe this whole situation will be another milestone in healing for you and your wife.

 

Good luck!

[Hazyhead]

Just wondering but is this a common thing for OW to do?

 

No!

 

Would not want to impede my life any further by dwelling on him.

[Hazyhead]

Wow. Hard group here. There is way more detail then I can explain out here. Her behavior has been to try to stay connected somehow. I am perplexed because of how we ended a how we got to nc. As with everything there is a back story to all of this. Trust me that I have cause to be upset. The one thing I have done is own my part in this. I told my wife about this and had to relive some of the **** from this stuff, and I'm paying big time for my affair.

 

So "she" could do what I asked during nc; which was to disappear. Man this site is tough. I'm doing about 90% of what the consensus out here suggests and then I get ripped because my ap is lurking in my page and leaving a marker? I have done nothing in the year since nc. So yea I'm upset.

 

And no she shouldn't bury her head but she should create some barriers too. Those mutual friends are all men and my life long guys from school. So I think she should have backed off a little. Want to really debate me on this?

 

Samprez, I wasn't trying to 'debate' with you; I was trying to see it from her point of view as well as yours, after all we only have your side. The issue with your friends is something you just have to come to terms with, unless you want to change things; what would be the point of debating it here? I really do think it would just be better for you to let it go. I'm not saying this to attack you at all, just thinking of the possible consequences, for you, if you challenge her. It would be more of a message to her that you have moved on if you do ignore her. Especially if she knows you can track those who visit your web pages.

[OFGnomore]

No!

 

Would not want to impede my life any further by dwelling on him.

 

No, xOMs do it too. I don't regret my choice by confronting him. I achieved my goals, he's not going to visit again, his lawyer knows and his wife knows. Now, I can go about my work and not get interferance reports that xMM is lurking now or 3 years from now. My H knew all long about the visits. He supported my decision to confront, and xMM must have banked on a false belief that H and I don't communicate. H read all xMMs emails and that reaffirmed what a pathetic liar xMM is . No change, no growth for him. In the end, his life will be his ulitmate price to pay. He can slander away at me.

Edited April 12, 2010 by OFGnomore

[Jilly Bean]

OP, why are you so tweaked because she *gasp* looked a website?

 

If you are so over it, and so into your marriage, then this wouldn't bother you. I get the feeling you're reacting so harshly because the temptation is difficult and is forcing you to think about the other woman more than you would like. Again, if you were over her, and the affair, and so committed to your marriage, then her occasional browsing of your site shouldn't matter at all.

 

And I think you're getting humped because you chose to be in an affair with this woman for some length of time. The level of hatred and disgust you have for her seems to be from you projecting your own remorse and guilt onto this woman. Your reaction to her doesn't seem fair, to be honest. It's a very fine line between love and hate, and I would think so far into your "recovery" or "reconciliation" that you should be indifferent, rather than enraged.

 

Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

[OFGnomore]

OP, why are you so tweaked because she *gasp* looked a website?

 

If you are so over it, and so into your marriage, then this wouldn't bother you. I get the feeling you're reacting so harshly because the temptation is difficult and is forcing you to think about the other woman more than you would like. Again, if you were over her, and the affair, and so committed to your marriage, then her occasional browsing of your site shouldn't matter at all.

 

And I think you're getting humped because you chose to be in an affair with this woman for some length of time. The level of hatred and disgust you have for her seems to be from you projecting your own remorse and guilt onto this woman. Your reaction to her doesn't seem fair, to be honest. It's a very fine line between love and hate, and I would think so far into your "recovery" or "reconciliation" that you should be indifferent, rather than enraged.

 

Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

 

Given the history between people who have been involved in an affair, I think this kind of "snooping" is unacceptable. Samprez has every right to be creeped out. Sure there is no law on the books but it's creepy. Not only that, it's being sneaky, I doubt her husband knows. For me there was no choice but to set boundaries between myself and xMM. And if it's so normal and no big deal I'm sure he'll keep looking at my webpage, especially since his wife and lawyer know that he was doing it? It's a public page afterall. Highly doubt it.

 

Samprez, pm me directly, if you want to respond. I'm done with this thread. It's been infiltrated by scorned OWs.

[Hazyhead]

Samprez, pm me directly, if you want to respond. I'm done with this thread. It's been infiltrated by scorned OWs.

 

Huh, I thought this was a public forum... who knew that those from an OW position were not allowed. Funny. Especially when you were one yourself.

 

Anyway, I don't see how my point of view, or anybody's for that matter, reflects being a 'scorned OW'. My opinion was that he let it go for his sake so as not to dredge up the past. Nevermind, clearly those of a different opinion to the desired one are not welcome so I'm done too. I was commending Samprez for his dedication to his marriage.

[Tommy's Girl]

I have noticed in this thread and others as well when it comes to affairs, most agree it was the lowest time of their lives. I hope anyone contemplating an affair realizes that. I've also noticed that many people refer to the time when they were having the affair as time when they were "delusional." That would make me stop and think before proceeding. I wish I had found this website a long time ago. I've never had a PA but reading eveyone's story might have kept me from an EA as well. I know I would have put more boundaries around my marriage. The obvious truth here is when people tell their A stories, there aren't many "success" stories posted.

[samprez]

I wanted to stop and think before I simply posted an answer. There have been many interesting points of view discussed on this thread. I feel it's important to address some things.

 

First, I am 100% responsible for the affair. I made choices that lead to the situation that I've created for my family. This is something that I can't undo. I can't change the past. What I can do is impact the present and the future.

 

When "she" visited my site, she doesn't do so as an innocent by-stander or a random person. "She" has a sorted history with me. We both made the same choices and damaged our own families and our own person(s). However, I have no control over her and what she does or what her husband knows. I do have control over what I do and how I manage my life. And I have control over how I decide to protect myself, my wife and my family.

 

Her "visits" to my pages are a DIRECT violation of our no contact agreement. No contact as I've seen it defined on this site isn't just constricted to verbal or electronic conversations, physical meetings and texting, it's supposed to include what she did. She broke no contact. It's inconsequential to in what form. She didn't hold up her end of the deal. I have.

 

Her footprint on my site acts as a reminder; a stark reminder of what we did. It puts me at risk and in a bad place. First, I don't want to see her or engage with her in anyway shape or form. Secondly, she forced my hand and I had to bring this to my wife. Let me explain. I hate hurting my wife. The worst thing about the fallout from an affair is the damage you inflict on the people you love, and the hurt that comes with it. When I told my wife about the site visits, I opened up a wound that we have worked hard to seal. All of the reactions are valid, but I didn't initiate contact or visit my xmw's site and cause this chain of events. Yet, I found myself having this awful conversation again with my wife, and watching her react was terrible. I felt helpless again.

 

I am a human being. I made a terrible choice that I have paid for with my integrity and my pain. I have done the only thing I could do which was focus on my family and my work. I have never contacted or engaged "her" because I owed that much to her and her husband. I owed her the ability to disappear. Be distant. Be a faded memory. Be gone. "She" has opted to visit my site, stay in touch with my friends (which puts her 1 degree from me) and essentially not create the distance from me that she should have. She and I are lucky our spouses are still with us...the last thing either of us should do is risk that good fortune with contact.

 

My wife's reaction was appropriate. If she hits the site again, I tell my wife and then I'm to email her and her husband and inform them both that this is not acceptable. I owe that to my wife. The problem with xmw hitting the site is that she now has no control over what happens next and an affair that has been give 2 chances to heal, may become problematic again. She's made another bad choice.

 

Regarding my feelings. I've EARNED the right now to be upset by this. I risked my life once for this silly affair. I have been honorable in my effort to restore my marriage and take care of my family. I have done MC, IC and I have mourned and dealt. Her hitting my site is an infringement on that. It is not cool and I'm going to react negatively.

 

For the BS out here. I know I represent the easy target. No problem with that. But like I said, I need to stop feeling like crap and when "she" appeared on my site, footprint and all, I reacted. I'm human.

[OFGnomore]

I wanted to stop and think before I simply posted an answer. There have been many interesting points of view discussed on this thread. I feel it's important to address some things.

 

First, I am 100% responsible for the affair. I made choices that lead to the situation that I've created for my family. This is something that I can't undo. I can't change the past. What I can do is impact the present and the future.

 

When "she" visited my site, she doesn't do so as an innocent by-stander or a random person. "She" has a sorted history with me. We both made the same choices and damaged our own families and our own person(s). However, I have no control over her and what she does or what her husband knows. I do have control over what I do and how I manage my life. And I have control over how I decide to protect myself, my wife and my family.

 

Her "visits" to my pages are a DIRECT violation of our no contact agreement. No contact as I've seen it defined on this site isn't just constricted to verbal or electronic conversations, physical meetings and texting, it's supposed to include what she did. She broke no contact. It's inconsequential to in what form. She didn't hold up her end of the deal. I have.

 

Her footprint on my site acts as a reminder; a stark reminder of what we did. It puts me at risk and in a bad place. First, I don't want to see her or engage with her in anyway shape or form. Secondly, she forced my hand and I had to bring this to my wife. Let me explain. I hate hurting my wife. The worst thing about the fallout from an affair is the damage you inflict on the people you love, and the hurt that comes with it. When I told my wife about the site visits, I opened up a wound that we have worked hard to seal. All of the reactions are valid, but I didn't initiate contact or visit my xmw's site and cause this chain of events. Yet, I found myself having this awful conversation again with my wife, and watching her react was terrible. I felt helpless again.

 

I am a human being. I made a terrible choice that I have paid for with my integrity and my pain. I have done the only thing I could do which was focus on my family and my work. I have never contacted or engaged "her" because I owed that much to her and her husband. I owed her the ability to disappear. Be distant. Be a faded memory. Be gone. "She" has opted to visit my site, stay in touch with my friends (which puts her 1 degree from me) and essentially not create the distance from me that she should have. She and I are lucky our spouses are still with us...the last thing either of us should do is risk that good fortune with contact.

 

My wife's reaction was appropriate. If she hits the site again, I tell my wife and then I'm to email her and her husband and inform them both that this is not acceptable. I owe that to my wife. The problem with xmw hitting the site is that she now has no control over what happens next and an affair that has been give 2 chances to heal, may become problematic again. She's made another bad choice.

 

Regarding my feelings. I've EARNED the right now to be upset by this. I risked my life once for this silly affair. I have been honorable in my effort to restore my marriage and take care of my family. I have done MC, IC and I have mourned and dealt. Her hitting my site is an infringement on that. It is not cool and I'm going to react negatively.

 

For the BS out here. I know I represent the easy target. No problem with that. But like I said, I need to stop feeling like crap and when "she" appeared on my site, footprint and all, I reacted. I'm human.

 

Be clear on your goals Samprez if you do reach out. You may deal with unexpected fallout as I did but if you're clear on your goals for reacting you'll be able to deal with it. State the facts, what you expect then stay away because she may try to engage you emotionally in a negative way. You don't know what her husband believes about the situation or his reasons for staying so what may make sense to you, a person who is trying to heal and grow, may not be your ultimate result or response by someone who doesn't appear to be in the same place. I feel your pain, I felt like I was confessing to my husband all over again when I told him about xMM's web hits.

 

Good luck!

[wheelwright]

I wanted to stop and think before I simply posted an answer. There have been many interesting points of view discussed on this thread. I feel it's important to address some things.

 

First, I am 100% responsible for the affair. I made choices that lead to the situation that I've created for my family. This is something that I can't undo. I can't change the past. What I can do is impact the present and the future.

 

When "she" visited my site, she doesn't do so as an innocent by-stander or a random person. "She" has a sorted history with me. We both made the same choices and damaged our own families and our own person(s). However, I have no control over her and what she does or what her husband knows. I do have control over what I do and how I manage my life. And I have control over how I decide to protect myself, my wife and my family.

 

Her "visits" to my pages are a DIRECT violation of our no contact agreement. No contact as I've seen it defined on this site isn't just constricted to verbal or electronic conversations, physical meetings and texting, it's supposed to include what she did. She broke no contact. It's inconsequential to in what form. She didn't hold up her end of the deal. I have.

 

Her footprint on my site acts as a reminder; a stark reminder of what we did. It puts me at risk and in a bad place. First, I don't want to see her or engage with her in anyway shape or form. Secondly, she forced my hand and I had to bring this to my wife. Let me explain. I hate hurting my wife. The worst thing about the fallout from an affair is the damage you inflict on the people you love, and the hurt that comes with it. When I told my wife about the site visits, I opened up a wound that we have worked hard to seal. All of the reactions are valid, but I didn't initiate contact or visit my xmw's site and cause this chain of events. Yet, I found myself having this awful conversation again with my wife, and watching her react was terrible. I felt helpless again.

 

I am a human being. I made a terrible choice that I have paid for with my integrity and my pain. I have done the only thing I could do which was focus on my family and my work. I have never contacted or engaged "her" because I owed that much to her and her husband. I owed her the ability to disappear. Be distant. Be a faded memory. Be gone. "She" has opted to visit my site, stay in touch with my friends (which puts her 1 degree from me) and essentially not create the distance from me that she should have. She and I are lucky our spouses are still with us...the last thing either of us should do is risk that good fortune with contact.

 

My wife's reaction was appropriate. If she hits the site again, I tell my wife and then I'm to email her and her husband and inform them both that this is not acceptable. I owe that to my wife. The problem with xmw hitting the site is that she now has no control over what happens next and an affair that has been give 2 chances to heal, may become problematic again. She's made another bad choice.

 

Regarding my feelings. I've EARNED the right now to be upset by this. I risked my life once for this silly affair. I have been honorable in my effort to restore my marriage and take care of my family. I have done MC, IC and I have mourned and dealt. Her hitting my site is an infringement on that. It is not cool and I'm going to react negatively.

 

For the BS out here. I know I represent the easy target. No problem with that. But like I said, I need to stop feeling like crap and when "she" appeared on my site, footprint and all, I reacted. I'm human.

 

I am an xMOW. I fell in love with the guy. Have failed (unlike you) to redidicate to my MP.

 

I have had huge guilt issues about the effects of DDay (or the A if you like) on xMOM's family. I looked up his daughters on a website - I wanted to see they were OK. I went into a panic worrying about them - I don't need any wry comments here thanks. Can do that for myself.

 

I also worry that he is OK. I felt guilty for prying, but immensely relieved to have seen a smiling photo.

 

You sound so sincere in all you say, I'm sure you and your W can cope with whatever is driving your xAP to do this. Maybe she is still in love with you? Maybe she wants to see you are OK to help her move on? Just because you have decided the A was an evil interlude in an otherwise happy life, doesn't mean she has.

 

My H knew about my concerns at the time, and my internet prying. Don't necessarily judge her as continuing deceit. How can you begin to judge someone who you don't even see, and about whom you know nothing of any motives?

 

If it hurts your W, then that is not your xAPs fault.

[bentnotbroken]

Samprez, I haven't posted on your thread before now, but I would like to say I think that you are doing the right things to heal your marriage and to make your wife feel safe. I know many BS would love to have been in that situation. The ow is in my opinion breaking NC, do what you have to do to protect your family and God bless.

[samprez]

Wheel - I think you are beating yourself up too much. You ap caused stress for his own family. You for yours. Your prying under the guise of concern about the kids is your issue; yet, there is nothing yu can do for them. My xmw has kids too. What I've done for them is leave their mom alone. That's all you and I can now do for our ap's. My x didn't show me the same respect. In IC I spoke about how I understood 1 visit. Curiosity. Multiples are not a good sign. Considering how my a ended and the issues for us both I highly doubt my xmw shared with her h that she was checking on me.

 

You said your m ended. Maybe your own guilt and feelings for him got in the way. My xmw infringed. It is not welcomed and it has caused old wounds to be reopened.

 

You're right that I don't know her motives. Guess what? I don't care. I told her to disappear from me. She asked the same. I honors that. She didn't. Let her heal out of my site line.

[samprez]

Just a quick note. She's hit the site more and more frequently lately. It's really interesting. I've not contacted her. I wonder if she's building towards a call/email. I ok. Not impacting me anymore.

[Blindsidedagainalive]

Samprez-

 

You obviously have been doing many of the right things.

In fact, your general attitude about your affair........many...including myself would kill for the remorse you discuss.

 

Although you have been doing many great things in an effort to restore your marriage, affairs carry consequences.

 

Some are bunny boilers, some kill, some stalk.

 

It's an unfortunate fallout of the affair. I understand that you never want to see, think, or hear from this OW. However, she will do what she will do. If she breaks the law, then you can take that up with the police.

 

It could always be worse, remember that.

 

Remember, I am a BS, so my attitude would normally be 'tough ****' you caused this.

 

However, I was so impressed with your remorse, willingness to do the right thing.

 

Also, you need to remove the big scarlet letter you are wearing. Keep working on that my friend.

[OFGnomore]

Just a quick note. She's hit the site more and more frequently lately. It's really interesting. I've not contacted her. I wonder if she's building towards a call/email. I ok. Not impacting me anymore.

 

If it's not impacting you anymore why are you posting about it? I mean if you don't care, why should we?

[OFGnomore]

Samprez-

 

Although you have been doing many great things in an effort to restore your marriage, affairs carry consequences.

 

Remember, I am a BS, so my attitude would normally be 'tough ****' you caused this.

 

QUOTE]

 

Pretty good, grown up attitude and when Samprez doesn't come here to whine about his xOW checking up on him or to report to an anonymous group of strangers on the net that he's "over it". That would be a big signal to me he's hit a new level of growth and healing. Sorry, but there are men on this board and IMO, the men that come here who have cheated come across as whiny little boys to me. W divorced me, xOW is checking up on me, blah, blah. I think this male mid life crisis is so fricking overrated and such a big excuse to mess around. It's a huge smack in the face to men/women who act responsible and exhibit self control and don't have affairs. Seriously, most men don't "freak out" at mid life. My H didn't, Owl hasn't, Dexter, Jeff1962, etc. The men (and women) that do have issues. Plain & simple.