kis Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Wondering how often your partners get mad at you. Or you get mad at them. My husband gets mad at me often. Sometimes several times a week. It gets sooo old. Not big issues. But just repetative. He will get mad go watch TV in the other room and the next day act normal. So how often does this happen in a normal marriage?? please share.
RobM Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I have no idea what a "normal" marriage is but for us, a couple times a month at most.
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 How long has this been going on? Him being angry with you? It could be, he knows about your affair..He can sense something is 'off' and feels your emotional distance. Maybe you are giving off a certain energy and he's picking up on it and reflecting how you feel towards him? Just a thought to think about it. When was the last time you and your H went out on a date night? When was the last time you two connected and had fun, had intimacy?
EnigmasMuse Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Can you give us a few examples of things he gets mad at you about? If this is often and acts like things are fine the next day, and minor like you say, then maybe he needs some counseling. Or perhaps anger management. Could be a control issue or maybe a personality flaw. The best thing to do is probably read up on or get some info on how is the best way you should react. He might be doing it for attention. But until you tell us what he is getting mad about, I have no clue. Sorry, I just read the part WWIU was referriing to, about your affair. An affair or not, he needs to learn some better communication/coping skills.
linwood Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Wondering how often your partners get mad at you. Or you get mad at them. My husband gets mad at me often. Sometimes several times a week. It gets sooo old. Not big issues. But just repetative. He will get mad go watch TV in the other room and the next day act normal. So how often does this happen in a normal marriage?? please share. Not often in mine and when it does it`s because I`m being an idiot. I don`t stay mad long because I eventually realize that I`m just being an idiot. I often even apologize for being an idiot at these times.
Mr-T Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I never get mad at my wife, I love her far too much.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Not often in mine and when it does it`s because I`m being an idiot. I don`t stay mad long because I eventually realize that I`m just being an idiot. I often even apologize for being an idiot at these times. You really should think more highly of yourself. Do you truly believe you're acting like an idiot and deserve for him to be mad at you? Or have you been made to feel like you're an idiot for just about everything you do/say?
del88 Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 It's hard to say what is normal since every person and relationship is different. sounds like he get annoyed easily and a lot, but just needs some space and then he's okay rather quickly. at least he doesn't hold grudges or try to escalate things. You may feel like you're walking on egg shells b/c he's angry so often.
Manchester Man Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 My wife and I get into fights every week or more, the best response now is distance emotionally than usually get over it. I don't think a great marriage means you never fight.
troggleputty Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Wondering how often your partners get mad at you. Or you get mad at them. My husband gets mad at me often. Sometimes several times a week. It gets sooo old. Not big issues. But just repetitive. He will get mad go watch TV in the other room and the next day act normal. So how often does this happen in a normal marriage?? please share. You had an affair on your H which you haven't disclosed to him, right? It sounds like you're in the process of blame-shifting...trying to attribute your marital difficulties to your husband getting mad at you, impliedly for no reason at all (since you don't explain why he gets mad at you). The obvious question you need to answer is "What is going on immediately before he gets mad at you?" I.e. what is the stimulus that is resulting in him being mad? "Not big issues." But you don't say what they are. You're probably just generally treating him with disdain and disrespect in various ways...in your actions...in your tone....in your attitude....and it creates a level of heightened tension leading to quarrels. This would be pretty typical in your situation: cheating wife who hasn't told her h about the affair. By the way why are you asking about what is typical in a "normal" marriage? If you had an affair, and have not told your h, (or even if you have), your M is not "normal," it is seriously dysfunctional. If you were happy in your m you wouldn't have had an affair. So: what are you doing that is angering your h so much?
troggleputty Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I have went thru the same exact thing you are going thru. It started four years ago. So confusing and overwhelming at first. couldnt even be in his presense without getting hot allover. Had never experienced this before. We did both feel the same way. both married. It never led to sex. It has been alot of fun, flirting and cant wait to see each other every day at work. That butterfly feeling in your stomach. We still talk to each other everyday at work. I dont believe it ever hurt my marriage in any way. I do have one problem when I have sex with my husband the OM alway pops into my mind. I cant seam to stop this. Do you do that? OP you posted this earlier today. You are actively in an affair with an OM, right now, at least an EA. "I don't believe it hurt my marriage in any way" is a crock. Why don't you stop your affair and concentrate on your m, maybe the fights will stop.
Author kis Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 OP you posted this earlier today. You are actively in an affair with an OM, right now, at least an EA. "I don't believe it hurt my marriage in any way" is a crock. Why don't you stop your affair and concentrate on your m, maybe the fights will stop. Acually his being mad at me so often and his irrational mood swings are the reason the Emotional affiar started in the first place.
troggleputty Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Acually his being mad at me so often and his irrational mood swings are the reason the Emotional affiar started in the first place. OK, so what you're saying is your affair partner entered into the affair with you because of your h's irrational mood swings?
BlackLovely Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I never get mad at my wife, I love her far too much. This is completely ridiculous. Getting angry with your wife doesn't mean you don't love her. In any relationship, romantic or otherwise, people get angry with each other. I think it's abnormal that you NEVER get mad at your wife.
BlackLovely Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I think this "emotional affair" BS, is just a term developed by self help book authors, to earn more money. Who among us discusses everything with their spouse? How can we expect our partners to meet every emotional need? This is way too much pressure on one person. I'm sure people discuss certain issues with their friends that they don't share with their spouse. So what?? IMO, an affair occurs when there is physical contact. I wouldn't like it if I knew my husband was crushing on another woman, but I also know that he's married and not dead. I do not seek to control his fantasy life and I don't want him trying to control mine either. OP, I agree that your husband might be picking up on your emotional distance or may even know about the affair. I wouldn't pay too much attention to the "what are you doing to make him angry" nonsense. That kind of logic is what abusive bullies use, to rationalize why they hurt others.
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Acually his being mad at me so often and his irrational mood swings are the reason the Emotional affiar started in the first place. SO you are blaming your husband moods on your choice to cheat on him? I guess if he cheats on you one day and uses the 'excuse' or 'justification' "Well, you have really bad PMS and are moody...That's why I cheated on you" YOU will be OK with his answer? Stop blaming your H for your actions. If your marriage sucks and you're miserable, TALK TO HIM and sort it out or GET OUT and divorce. Nothing is ever going to change or be fixed if you just go on doing what you're doing now.
Author kis Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 SO you are blaming your husband moods on your choice to cheat on him? I guess if he cheats on you one day and uses the 'excuse' or 'justification' "Well, you have really bad PMS and are moody...That's why I cheated on you" YOU will be OK with his answer? Stop blaming your H for your actions. If your marriage sucks and you're miserable, TALK TO HIM and sort it out or GET OUT and divorce. Nothing is ever going to change or be fixed if you just go on doing what you're doing now. Acually I dont have to sit around and wonder what it would feel like if my husband cheated on me. As a matter of fact he has. Not just one affiar but three. Two of which he left me the other woman and then begged to come back. The third he swore was not physical but just a internet thing. Yes it was the worst times of my life. Gut wrenching pain.
Author kis Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Acually I dont have to sit around and wonder what it would feel like if my husband cheated on me. As a matter of fact he has. Not just one affair but three. Two of which he left me the other woman and then begged to come back. The third he swore was not physical but just a internet thing. Yes it was the worst times of my life. Gut wrenching pain. And when he choses to get mad at me over such small nonsense. It makes me wonder if A. He sometimes thinks of his other women and wishes he had chose her or. B. Maybe he has entered into another affair.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Kis, Sorry you are having troubles. It sounds like your marriage is toxic..your H has had multiple affairs? and your all hot and bothered for some married guy at work? to top it all off your H sounds like he has anger issues... If you haven't already and you actually want to save your M I would go to MC asap. To answer your OP my H and I fight about once a month..but its not usually ignore each other for hours afterwards kinda fighting. Good luck
JackJack Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Cheating by both of you, and his mood swings...so what would you like to do about this? You can't control his mood swings, he may very well have some kind of issue that needs to be addressed. Has he been to see a doctor or counselor for these mood swings? The real question is, are you willing to continue to put up with mood swings that bother you?
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 And when he choses to get mad at me over such small nonsense. It makes me wonder if A. He sometimes thinks of his other women and wishes he had chose her or. B. Maybe he has entered into another affair. It could be that he KNOWS about you and the MM and is waiting for you to come clean. Two wrongs don't make a right, him cheating the past doesn't justify or excuse what YOU are doing now. You know the pain an affair brings on, so why enter one, even though it's an EA, why not just leave your H and divorce? Even more so since it seems like you have no intention of fixing your marriage and reconnecting with your husband.
MichelleZB Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Back to the OP's problem-- No, your spats don't seem all that healthy and could eat away at a relationship. I'm not going into the reasons for your fights right now--I'm not the one in your marriage and I don't know why you guys are bickering so much. I bet you'll be able to talk about that a lot better, though, when you can work out some better fighting strategies. Think of it like boxing or something. You and your husband are throwing some punches at each other, for whatever reason. And what you are lacking is the appropriate padding required to throw a few punches without damaging what's underneath. You need to put padding on each other when you fight, which is a weird way of saying that you need to have a lot of respect for your partner, and that respect stays in place even when you disagree. If you are in a place in your marriage where the respect is damaged, too, you and your husband need to agree to act as if you do have respect for each other even before you feel it. That can heal a lot of ills. Walking away and giving the silent treatment during a disagreement (something your husband does) is not a fair way to fight. It is hurtful and disrespectful of the other person. But, at the same time, sometimes people need a little bit of time and space to cool off when they're angry. So you need to agree on a "time out" policy of some kind. Next time you or your husband get that itchy, restless feeling of not being able to handle a disagreement, this is the script: "Honey, I'm feeling kind of angry right now and I don't know if I can deal with this argument. I'm calling "time out" and I need to go to the living room, watch some TV, and cool off." The disagreement, at that point, must immediately be put on pause. No more parting shots. No more final points. It's just a cooling off time, because you two will get through this, but for now, you need time. You'll find this way of dealing with disagreements way less hurtful and your husband may feel like the pressure is off. That deals with the whole "storming off" problem. But I don't like your other problem, that your husband seems to be picking things to get mad at you about at random and blowing up. It sounds like he's got some stuff bottled up, and I think you two need to talk about that. It can't continue forever. He must know that neither of you can stay in a marriage where you're walking on eggshells, waiting for him to blow. Your dynamic has to change.
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