XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months. He is the love of my life. I have loved him for more than 3 years, but we never dated. We both have had feelings for each other. Before he and I got together, I had two relationships, each lasting about 8 months or so. We live around 2 and a half hours apart. We hadn't seen each other in years when we decided to meet up once again because we had a wonderful friendship and because we finally told each other how we felt. I went to meet with him and we went to a concert. We stayed the weekend together. After that, we decided to be together. He asked me to be in a relationship with him, and that was all that I wanted. I started becoming weary that he had something that he was hiding from me. It was instinct. I think many men or women will know what I mean. I felt like he had cheated on me. I had met the girl whom I thought he had cheated on me with in August. During that time, he and his family went to a concert and his brother and football friends went, too. This girl went there with her boyfriend and she was being really flirtatious with my boyfriend. At the time (and never make this mistake, anyone. ALWAYS follow your GUT), I thought that I didn't want to be the "jealous girlfriend" so I didn't say anything. I pretended to like the girl and she even told my boyfriend that she thought I was really sweet and nice. She talked to me for a long time that night. I asked my boyfriend about her around December, because I randomly had that sinking feeling. He finally told me that in September, he had cheated on me with her. She had given him oral sex. My heart dropped. He told me that it was something he tried to store away, tried to forget about, and that he didn't want me to have to deal with what he had done. I screamed on the phone, cried on the phone, and called him a f**king *******. I told him I thought he was a terrible person and that I hated him and for him to never talk to me again. I told him he could go and **** any other chick now, that I didn't care, and that I would go out and do what I wanted. I said to never call me again. Unfortunately, all that night, I couldn't sleep. I felt sick. I had to take melatonin to sleep, I took around 3 of them. My heart was racing all the next day. Even before I found out about this, even before we had gotten together, I had never felt so strongly about someone in my life. I thought I could be a stronger person, but I couldn't. He called me that night and he was crying, saying how terrible he felt and how he felt like such an ass. Well, he should. He should feel like an ass for breaking my heart, I thought. He told me he would do anything for me, that he was going to quit drinking and going out and that he deleted his Facebook and would never talk to her again. Ever since that time, we talk all the time. He drives to see me all the time. In the beginning of our relationship, we didn't have frequent visits. We E-mail each other 3 times a day, long E-mails, we talk on the phone for hours every night, we see each other all the time. He never goes out with anyone anymore, even though I do not tell him not to. I know that he doesn't because we spend a ridiculous amount of time on the phone talking on the weekends and he writes me letters now. Whenever I am with him, and if we are out, if we see his friends they always ask him why he has fallen off the face of the Earth and why he doesn't go out anymore. He tells me he only wants to go out with me. He is very intense about this relationship. He is very ready to tell everything, to always reveal what he is doing, to show me anything I need to see, to contact me and visit me whenever I need him. He told his Mom and his family about what he did (I know this because his Mom brought it up to me once and his brother did, too. They know I have trouble with the thought of being around this girl), and has told them that if she is ever around and even if we are with his family, we will leave. We are going to the same concert we went to with his family again this coming August. He told his Mom that we would not be going if she were to come again. He sat down and told his brother the same thing. They understood and made sure that there would be no tickets ordered for her and her boyfriend and that she would know she wasn't welcome. I understand that he is trying to do everything he can, but I really can't forget what happened. I would be more concerned if he wasn't backing everything up in actions. He is going above and beyond what I would ask him to do. I do not tell him to not go anywhere. He doesn't want to. He has never been one that liked to go out a lot but now he never does it. But still, I can't forget about what happened. I think about it and I want to cry. I have brought it up to him but I stifle it, too, because I do not know what to do about it. I am going away with him and his family for spring break at the end of March. I feel like I can't bring anything up about it until after that trip, because I do not want anything to go awry before that point. A part of me tells me that this is too much emotional work for me and that I did not deserve to feel as devestated as I feel right now. I am very glad I know. I HATE living in the dark to things and it pisses me off that I did not know about this right away. I am going to the gynocologist, because I think it was really irresponsible for me to not know about what happened. It's my body and I don't want someone I trust to toy with my health. But I love him so much. I do not know what to do. Edited March 14, 2010 by XxBacktoBlackXx
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Review all your previous threads, where you have unfortunately completely disregarded all advice from all members posting - then decide for yourself what you should do.....
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Thanks...all of those threads were about other relationships. But thanks for the help.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 I really am open to advice. And I just want someone to talk to about it. I don't have any friends around here.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 I am just wanting a listening ear or some advice.
shadowplay Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I think you should break up with him. Your relationship will forever be tainted by what he did. Also, you can't trust him. If he cheated once, there's a good chance he will again. Right now he's pulling out all the stops because he feels guilty and doesn't want to lose you, but once some time passes he will most likely stop trying as hard. The bottom line is whether he cheats or not again you will never be able to fully trust him. Based on your posting history, you put up with too much from guys in general. You can easily find someone you feel as strongly about who will never cheat on you. Let this guy go.
TaraMaiden Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Thanks...all of those threads were about other relationships. But thanks for the help. I know. It's just lather, rinse and repeat. You need to address why you gravitate towards men who treat you like this. It's not them, it's you. Like Shadowplay says, you need to find someone who will treat you better. But first, you have to decide that you deserve this, for yourself.
Confusedguy81 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 There is never an excuse for cheating. You should dump him. If you condone that behavior, he will just do it again
phineas Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I don't see how you could think he feels the same about you now. He let another woman suck him off. honestly, a good person in a relationship doesn't let other chicks (especially chicks with boyfriends he knows) give him oral sex. Also, if she put his wang in her mouth you can rest assured she let him put it elsewhere. I don't know many women that would just pleasure a guy like that & not want anything in return for herself.
lordWilhelm Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 You probably should not have given him a second chance knowing that you can't trust him. But, you did. And from you're saying it seems like he really has turned things around. So, if you really do love him and do want to give it a second shot then you should try to keep your suspicions from poisoning your relationship -- if he's being upfront & open with you those are good signs. If he breaks your trust again though, make sure you don't yo-yo yourself back in an unhealthy relationship -- at that point just call it quits and move on.
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