Moody men.

[t0ri]

I adore my boyfriend, but he can be quite irritable and moody at times. I swear he has male PMS.

 

I've never dated someone who is moody, and who gets irritated over small things. For example, today. Yesterday was the first day in at least a month that my bf and I did not hang out. We text throughout the day, but didn't speak on the phone. He just called me and we spoke briefly before I asked him what his plans for the day were. He said he had none, and I said I didn't either. He then became very short with me, and said he'd call me later. I asked if he was annoyed, he said yes but he "didn't know why," then we hung up.

 

A few minutes later he text me saying he got bugged because he had been alone all day yesterday and when we finally spoke on the phone, I didn't seem in too big of a hurry to hang out with him today, and he didn't know what my plans were (although I just told him I had none, and last night I told him I wanted to see him today).

 

I text him back saying sorry, I had no plans, was just hanging out at home and didn't know if he'd want to meet up soon or? Then he responded saying, "Well you don't know what it's like to have nobody to talk to. Otherwise you'd understand."

 

His roommate went out of town yesterday, so he was home alone because I decided to spend time with my family last night. His last text really baffled me. He has people to talk to, including me, and he could have hung out with other friends last night but didn't. I responded saying I didn't quite understand where that was coming from, and asked if he just felt like that because he had been by himself for awhile, and said that he has me to talk to! He responded with "nevermind." Now what?

 

Is he being moody or am I just being insensitive? This was just a small example of him getting irritated with me over something that I'd have no idea what it was unless he told me. How do you handle moody SO's?

Edited March 14, 2010 by t0ri

[Confusedguy81]

have him see a shrink to see if he is bipolar. Being angry at you and not knowing why shows clear mood swings. The other potential answer is he is just trying to lay a guilt trip on you. It just sounds like he needs to man up to me.

[Barky]

It just sounds like he needs to man up to me.

 

I'm not sure what this statement means but the dude does sound like he's a little.. unbalanced. If the story you're telling is complete.

 

A bit of a red flag fo' sho'.

[Confusedguy81]

I'm not sure what this statement means but the dude does sound like he's a little.. unbalanced. If the story you're telling is complete.

 

A bit of a red flag fo' sho'.

 

By manning up I mean he should look at himself and stop being wishy washy with t0ri

[Confusedguy81]

From what little we're given I don't see bipolar, although the way he's acting there was kind of how I was when my ex left and we talked.

 

well if he isnt bipolar, then he is just a jerk. Before I became medicated for bipolar and depression I did similar things ie pity me pity me guilt trip guilt trip cuz it made me feel better when the girl felt like crap or at fault for something.

[OnlyJake]

I dated a guy who acted exactly as you described (we had dozens of 'conversations' like that), plus many other similar issues.

 

Turned out he had Borderline Personality Disorder and refused to get help.

 

I couldn't deal, and broke up with him.

 

As for your situation, you are not being insensitive, your bf is the problem.

 

He's manipulating you and making you validate your feelings for him.

 

*Borderlines have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, which is one reason we would have "situations" like the one you described.

 

I'm not saying your bf is BPD, but it wouldn't hurt to think about where he might be coming from (insecurity), and how it affects you, or how you're NOT going to let it affect you, and act accordingly.

Edited March 14, 2010 by OnlyJake

[lora22]

Mood swings are just mood swings. They are not necessarily indicative of mental illness, psychological disorder, etc. Yes, it's true that mood swings are commonly associated with mood disorders, and bipolar disorder is the classic example of such. (Does this mean all women who have PMS are bipolar? I think not.)

 

However:

 

Personally, I do not believe that what the OP is describing is just mood swings. A mood swing is bf is happy and rapidly/all of a sudden gets sad.

 

IMO, what the OP described is NOT a mood swing.

[paleblue]

maybe he was just having a bad day. make him some cupcakes

[lora22]

It's closer to a moody swing or the blues than any type of disorder. Plus it's from her perspective, maybe something happened to him that bummed him out and he hasn't told her.

 

Frankly it's not nearly enough info, at all.

All I'm saying is that there's more to it than the OP's bf was feeling moody.

 

Agree that more info is needed.

 

maybe he was just having a bad day. make him some cupcakes

I'm tempted to say that that type of behavior should never be rewarded; however I'll leave it at, after my experience with an emotionally abusive bf (reminiscent of the type of behavior described by the OP), I will never reward such behavior, and if it's a pattern of behavior, I won't put up with it.

 

Regardless of what his deal is, he needs to get himself under control.

[lora22]

Okay, here's what you need to do.

 

If you've read my other posts, you'll know that I went through about a one-1.5 month period in my relationship where I was off and on moody with my ex.

 

You NEED to sit down and have a frank and honest discussion about what is causing this. Get to the root of the problem. Do not stop until you get answers.

 

I can't speak for him...but I was getting moody because of several factors:

 

1. I was getting a bit bored with our relationship and little things she did annoyed me because our relationship was going a little stale.

 

2. We were very different people, and that made me a little unsure about how much she wanted to be with me. Sometimes, when she'd want to do something, I'd agree to it because I felt like she wouldn't want to be with me if I didn't do certain things with her, but then I'd get despondent because I didn't really want to do them.

 

3. I'm not a giant attention-hog, but there were a few times where I felt like she didn't pay much attention to me or just didn't care very much and it frustrated me.

 

My moodiness ended after a little while. I most certainly don't have BPD or any other disorder. Here's the thing - I didn't realize fully how much my moods were bothering my ex until she got really upset over it, and at that point she wanted to dump me b/c she didn't see it getting better (we got into a huge fight the night before). I convinced her to stay, and I forced myself to turn my mood around, which was actually pretty easy.

 

Like I said, the problem was I didn't realize how much it was bothering her.

 

So please, talk to him. Again, I don't know what he's like, but solving this problem might be easier than you think.

 

I haven't followed your posts, and you clearly know yourself and your situation better than I do. I'm only commenting on your post in case another perspective helps the OP. I'm not picking on you.

 

To me, everything you wrote comes down to you felt insecure. Your gf validated your insecurity by getting upset over your behavior. Since she validated you and/or you feared losing her, you straightened up.

 

That is not a healthy dynamic.

[lora22]

That's a bit of a stretch to call that emotionally abusive.

 

I agree that more information would be needed to state that the OP's bf is emotionally abusive. Please read more closely, because that is not what I was saying.

 

However, it is clear that he is forcing the OP to validate her feelings for him. This is a hallmark of emotional abuse. Perhaps this is not a pattern of behavior with the OP's bf. Perhaps he is just feeling insecure or something. For sure, more information is needed.