stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I am kinda new here and you may not have read my OP. Basically I found out in Jan that my W was having an affair with a co-worker. She got him the job in August and the affair happened in Dec while on a 8 day business trip to Alaska. They were the only ones on the trip. She partially planned the trip. The company regularly sends people out of town. I am considering telling the HR dept or CEO about what is happening. I have 2 days of screenshots of chats they had at work after I confronted her. I should be getting the divorce papers next week. We have nothing together in both our names. Should I say anything? Im curious what you guys think. If anyone has been in a similar situation and told the boss I would be curious what they think or what happened. I have no clue whether they have a policy against it or not but I doubt they would like it, especially since they regularly send people out of town.
califnan Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 No. It would expose the affair ... but what good would that do .. The affair happened because of your wife and the OM . Not because of the company ... And especially, since you are going through the divorce, she will need her job. And you do Not need to take care of her financially.. Her company will probably find out about it eventually anyway ..
Author stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 I dont think I have anything to worry about as far taking care of her financially. We were only married just under 2 years. She made more money than I did and now I have quit my job and moved a couple of states away. Currently staying on a buddies couch. Plus the paperwork will be here next week and once its filed and the 30 day waiting period is over we are through. Why should I care about what she needs anymore?
califnan Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I dont think I have anything to worry about as far taking care of her financially. We were only married just under 2 years. She made more money than I did and now I have quit my job and moved a couple of states away. Currently staying on a buddies couch. Plus the paperwork will be here next week and once its filed and the 30 day waiting period is over we are through. Why should I care about what she needs anymore? ---------------- Sorry stillfallin, I had forgotten your story ... I hope you can recapture your job, and your Life ..
Disintegration Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Your W planned to cheat with her coworker, she premeditated it, she knew what she was doing when she planned on going with just herself and the OM. If you know for a fact that you wont be financially obligated and you feel the need to let her boss know then go right ahead. Maybe one or both will get fired. She certainly wasn't thinking about you when she went and cheated. I bet they both saw it as a mini get away vacation. Yet it was on the job, therefore let the company know, whether they have rules against it is another thing.
Author stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Califnan, no need to apologize. Getting my job back is prolly out of the question since I would have to move back there. Plus it wasnt that great of a job anyway. I got $1.08 in 4 raises over 3 years and one position change. Worked a good bit of overtime and went on call for a week every 21 days.
Author stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Your W planned to cheat with her coworker, she premeditated it, she knew what she was doing when she planned on going with just herself and the OM. If you know for a fact that you wont be financially obligated and you feel the need to let her boss know then go right ahead. Maybe one or both will get fired. She certainly wasn't thinking about you when she went and cheated. I bet they both saw it as a mini get away vacation. Yet it was on the job, therefore let the company know, whether they have rules against it is another thing. Yeah thats what I was thinking as well. I know if they do go on another trip it would definitely be like a get away vacation. Dont know if anyone would get fired or not but I know if I was the boss the new guy would definitely be gone.
califnan Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Califnan, no need to apologize. Getting my job back is prolly out of the question since I would have to move back there. Plus it wasnt that great of a job anyway. I got $1.08 in 4 raises over 3 years and one position change. Worked a good bit of overtime and went on call for a week every 21 days. -------------------------- Have perseverence .. these are difficult financial times (job and sales wise) .. Our company has been going down in the last years .. we all had to take paycuts ... In this day - if you are lucky enough to have a job, you are lucky enough ..
jnj express Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 You want her to keep working----In the divorce settlement, there will be more community assets to split if she is still working----also since you are not working and she is---you should ask for alimony----so say nothing, and keep her working
Author stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Well Im not planning on trying to get any alimony. Part of me doesnt want to make her angry and the other part could care less. I know if she found out I told her work she would hate me forever and in her mind be justified to treat me like crap.
Bryanp Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 If the OM is married or has a girlfriend, I hope you exposed the affair to them. In addition, it would not be a bad idea to be checked for STD's.
sally4sara Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 You want her to keep working----In the divorce settlement, there will be more community assets to split if she is still working----also since you are not working and she is---you should ask for alimony----so say nothing, and keep her working Normally I'm opposed to alimony unless a spouse is left via infidelity and was a SAHP to the kids, and unable to achieve educational and occupational instruction that would enable them to find suitable employment. But in your case, she did cheat and you are unemployed. Tax her butt and get some alimony out of her! If she balks at the idea you can always clue her in on the evidence you have and who you can share it with......
bentnotbroken Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Is the guy married? If he is I would tell the wife.
Author stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 The OM did have a girlfriend that he moved out there when he got the job. They have a baby together (about 1 I think). I told her not long after I found out and she left. I have emailed her quite a few times but not lately. The last email I told her to not let him take advantage of her and to take him to court for custody and child support. She hasnt responded since then so I dont know if I got too personal with her or what. If I tried to get alimony then I would have to get a lawyer and Im pretty sure she would fight it.
sally4sara Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 The OM did have a girlfriend that he moved out there when he got the job. They have a baby together (about 1 I think). I told her not long after I found out and she left. I have emailed her quite a few times but not lately. The last email I told her to not let him take advantage of her and to take him to court for custody and child support. She hasnt responded since then so I dont know if I got too personal with her or what. If I tried to get alimony then I would have to get a lawyer and Im pretty sure she would fight it. Even if she knew you could inform on her at her job with evidence?
Author stillfallin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 She should already know that. I gave the screenshots of the chat to the girlfriend. She might not fight it but she has 3 kids, 1 lives with her and she is paying child support to the other 2. I doubt I would get very much anyway.
sally4sara Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 She should already know that. I gave the screenshots of the chat to the girlfriend. She might not fight it but she has 3 kids, 1 lives with her and she is paying child support to the other 2. I doubt I would get very much anyway. Well then damn dude, I'd just be glad to be free of the mess it sounds this woman's life has become. She is her own punishment. No wonder she seeks out strange on the side; they don't know who she really is.
Lizzie60 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 No.. I would leave them alone.. The company would probably do nothing about it anyway...especially if they are both very good worker.. it probably would make you look more like 'loser-trouble-maker'.. What they do after work... is not the company's business.. Move on..
Author stillfallin Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 Well they did this while on a business trip so I wouldnt really call that after work. I understand what you are saying tho and you are right I should just move on. Im sure she already considers me a loser-trouble-maker anyway. I guess a part of me just wanted her to face real consequences for her actions.
seibert253 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 You want her to keep working----In the divorce settlement, there will be more community assets to split if she is still working----also since you are not working and she is---you should ask for alimony----so say nothing, and keep her working ^^^^^ This She didn't care about your feeling when she went on her "trip". Why should you care if she has to pay you cash. Just my .02
fooled once Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I am actually torn on this. I think I would send an anonymous letter to HR and the CEO, letting him know that his employees are having relations while out of town on a business trip. Not sure if they would care - UNLESS one of them is in a supervisory position? The other part of me says let it go --- she will get what she is coming to. You have to just trust and believe that those that willfully and maliciously hurt others and act immorally will get what they deserve in the end.
FryFish Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Totally tell. You have faced ALL the consequences of HER cheating and she has not... yet.
Lizzie60 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Well they did this while on a business trip so I wouldnt really call that after work. I understand what you are saying tho and you are right I should just move on. Im sure she already considers me a loser-trouble-maker anyway. I guess a part of me just wanted her to face real consequences for her actions. Huh???? are you her father??? honestly.. you don't own her.. seriously dude.. don't become one of those 'bitter-forever' poster... This could be your chance to 're-do' your life.. for the better...
Samantha0905 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 No.. I would leave them alone.. The company would probably do nothing about it anyway...especially if they are both very good worker.. it probably would make you look more like 'loser-trouble-maker'.. What they do after work... is not the company's business.. Move on.. I agree. Why? Move on.
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