I'm a complete scumbag.

[SleeplessinCanada]

I see some of the sanctimonious comments on here, but I take a step back and say, look - is he really happy? WILL HE BE HAPPY. People are so quick to say, oh go for counselling, as if that is the magic elixir that will save the day and everybody lives happily ever after.

 

In this guys situation - I don't think his wife is able to have sex. So, should he stay in the situation that element is unlikely to change. Soon, his sacrifice will turn into bitterness and resentment.

 

Having no sex can be perfectly healthy if both parties are fine with that. It's not okay if one person's needs are met at the expense of another. In this situation, no amount of counseling is likely to change the outcome.

 

Masturbation only gets you so far - they call it making love for a reason. For some people it is an important part of life and the bonding process, for others, its not a big deal.

 

When the guy is getting nothing - has no realistic prospects of getting anything - who the hell is anybody here to suggest that he live the rest of his life like that? What, for the sanctity of marriage? So he can say at the end of the day, hey, I beat the statistics, I stayed married - yeehaww, I was miserable in my life but hey, I did it.

 

No, he has to live his own life and none of the pious here are living his life for him. The people that don't care about sex wonder what his problem is; the people that do care about it are stunned he's still there. This is why you probably want to make ensure there is some compatability in that department when you start a relationship.

 

Lack of intimacy can really kill a relationship.

 

The OP mentions that her friends and family think the world of her, and that likely creates some pressure for the guy. But in the end, the friends and family aren't living this guy's life and aren't the ones in the marriage. He has a right to be happy and fulfilled like any other human being.

[carhill]

OP, since you've been around here a long time, have you read JamesM's threads on his sexless marriage? His W has fibromyalgia.

 

Here's my advice:

 

Nix the 20y/o. That's patently unhealthy.

 

Identify the source of your resentments. We know lack of intercourse is one, but I doubt it's the only one. It sounds like you're a caregiver. Are you? If so, get help. Something tells me you work and are at home with W. Nothing else. Is that true?

 

You say you pleasure your W manually and orally. What does she do for you, absent intercourse? Is she paralyzed?

 

Have you had counseling?

[JoyDevine]

This sounds like a medical issue.

I remember watching the movie about Alfred C. Kinsey (the sex scientist). He was large, his wife was small. She had to have surgery, then all was well.