EyeSpy Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Hello all, I am in a exclusive relationship. I love her and she me. We have both been single for some time. We do not live together. She likes girls night out which I have always been good with in the past. The problem is once it was a wine party and an ex- suitor(?) attended. The only man there and not gay. I only found out when she showed pics on phone and I saw him. When they go out it is to a club and (she loves to dance) and gets really drunk and dances all night. She brought home a rose one night. One of her deal breakers is jealousy. Which yes I was and still am. The rose was in a glass of water for over a week before it disappeared.... I always thought girls night was hanging with the girls, no men allowed. She is a beautiful woman, I know men will flirt and hit on her, which I am ok with. I love her but dont think this behavior is appropriate. Yes I suck at dancing but have repeatedly asked her to work/teach me which has never happened. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.
craw Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 does she dance salsa? take up salsa lessons and you can surprise her day, when you take out to dance.
lora22 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 It's difficult to stay with any certainty, without more information about your relationship, but consider the following: there is a difference between having healthy boundaries and respecting those, and jealousy. Is it possible that this "jealousy as dealbreaker" thing is just an excuse to keep you in your place while she goes and does whatever she wants, even if it's disrespectful or makes you uncomfortable? Pretty much no one likes obsessive or unfounded jealousy. That's a given. I also think that it's kind of a given that eyebrows would be raised over a single straight man (or just a man, period, really) attending a so-called 'girls' night'. If you feel that her behavior is inappropriate, you need to communicate with her about it. Not to be rude, but from the tone of your post I'm guessing that won't happen - because here you are saying that you're uncomfortable with her behavior and feel disrespected, but (basically) you're afraid she'll throw the jealousy card in your face and dump you. She may break up with you. But do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel disrespected and uncomfortable? Easier said than done for most people, I realize that. Maybe you and she just have incompatible boundaries and values.
D-Lish Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Did you mean that she actually brought home a rose that some guy gave to her in the club, put it in water and kept it on display in her place???? But she tells you jealousy is a dealbreaker for her?
Jeff1962 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Good luck with this one. Sounds like she is in total control in this relationship. I get the feeling you will grow to resent her.
Author EyeSpy Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 does she dance salsa? take up salsa lessons and you can surprise her day, when you take out to dance. No salsa, just country. Took a couple of lessons, at A.M. seemed to get no where and was costing a fortune.
Author EyeSpy Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 It's difficult to stay with any certainty, without more information about your relationship, but consider the following: there is a difference between having healthy boundaries and respecting those, and jealousy. Is it possible that this "jealousy as dealbreaker" thing is just an excuse to keep you in your place while she goes and does whatever she wants, even if it's disrespectful or makes you uncomfortable? Pretty much no one likes obsessive or unfounded jealousy. That's a given. I also think that it's kind of a given that eyebrows would be raised over a single straight man (or just a man, period, really) attending a so-called 'girls' night'. If you feel that her behavior is inappropriate, you need to communicate with her about it. Not to be rude, but from the tone of your post I'm guessing that won't happen - because here you are saying that you're uncomfortable with her behavior and feel disrespected, but (basically) you're afraid she'll throw the jealousy card in your face and dump you. She may break up with you. But do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel disrespected and uncomfortable? Easier said than done for most people, I realize that. Maybe you and she just have incompatible boundaries and values. Thanks to all for posting. We have talked a couple of days ago about it. She says she tries not to do anything that would make me jealous. I think it is normal for everyone to get jealous sometimes. Not over the top green monster though. She did kind of throw it in my face saying she knew I was jealous of him for no reason, nothing ever happened between them. I believe her. Yes the rose stayed there for over a week. We are talking and seeing each other a little, but it is very tense. So only time will tell. I do love her, want to grow old and live life with her. I was just looking for a differant perspective on this whole thing. Didnt want to make something out of nothing if that is what most girls nights are like. Not what any of the other women in my life have ever said girls night was. If so guess after all these years I really dont like girls night and think it is not as healthy as I use to. It will either change or the relationship will for sure. Again thank you one and all.
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