tripswelove Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I am seeking for a DIY divorce advice. I can't afford an attorney. I need to save the $ for my son's private therapy. He is in a much deeper trouble than I am in. 1. I will have a free-self help divorce session from Pasadena Court. I heard the volunteers are attorneys. Is it real? It sounds too good to be true. 2. I have collected assets/credit/debt papers. How details do I have to prepare for? I know my husband set aside money in a separate account but I don't have access to it. How can I tell the court about this? He owns a property prior to our marriage. He is still paying the mortgages on that house (with rental income). Do I have a share to it? Also, he works for the county and therefore doesn't pay SSI taxes. He has 457 or some kind of pension plan. Will the court figure it out for me if I have any share of his pension plan? I have no idea what the figures are for on his papers. 3. I have one 15 years old son, married for almost 16 years. The main reason of this divorce is about my son. I have compiled a long history of his father's mood swings and retreat (days of silence treatment and pretended nothing happened afterward) At one time, he even kicked my son's tummy. I reported to the regional center and no paper was filed since there was no bruise. After that my husband did go to the 'anger management' class. After that incidence, my son started viewing gay-pornography since then. 1/2 year later, he was molested by my husband's brother and I reported to the police. However, the police couldn't do a thing because the 'offender' lives in a foreign country. The 'offense' was touching my son's tummy in a locked bathroom. We suspected worse case than merely touching. The 'locking' action was creepy enough. After my husband found out that I reported to the police, he wanted a divorce from me. Even though he didn't file, that broke my son's heart completely. 4. I did wrong by staying in the marriage because my son wanted to stay in his house. I now know I can't do that anymore. Therefore, I need a sound advice. Your advice will be greatly appreciated if it can save me money. I will do all the research myself and try to do it the best way to diminish the trauma to my son. 5. Please pray for us. Thank you.
OrangeKin Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Hello, wow it's really messed up to hear what happened to your son.. I'm really sorry. Frankly it pisses me off that a grown man would kick a child in the stomach. I'm sorry I can't help with a majority of your questions but I did find a wealth of FAQs online that was specific to my state, you could probably do the same as well. As for the volunteer attorneys.. I know it sounds incredibly sketchy but I am going to have to look into them because I can't afford $100+ and hour.. I would say look into it more, see if it is true and maybe do an initial consultation with one to see if you feel comfortable and confident working with this person. (And check their references of course!) Please let me know how things pan out.. I wish you luck
tnttim Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 My only advice to you is divorce doesn't magically solve all your problems, or make the past disappear. Divorce is not a solution, it's another problem. You will still have to deal with ex, and his interactions with your son. IMO divorce is the last thing you should do, and only after you have exhausted all your options. Have you? Please read some post divorce threads on here. You will see many stories about how things got worse after a divorce. If this advice scares you, then I've made my point.
unsureLP Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I have no advice, but wanted to offer you and your son some virtual support. *hugs*
BearMox Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 If your aren't fabricating or exaggerating that son was molested and your husband was complicit then you should be able to get a restraining order easily in most states. However if you haven't been through any counseling you owe it to him if your husband hasn't been abusive or violent. The only way to be successful in a "DIY" divorce (called Pro Se) is to become an attorney really. That is to say, you need to study hard. For books, get Krantzler and Belli's book "Divorcing". Its a very level headed and intelligent dummy guide that will get you up to speed quickly on many issues. The legal advice comes from a very good divorce attorney who practices in California. As far as enabling yourself to go Pro Se, you'll need to read through and understand the last decade of caselaw in your state that applies to the issues in your divorce. You can find this easily at google scholar and findlaw. You'll need to figure out and understand the complete set of paperwork that is a divorce in your state. Which forms to file and at what times, every one of them. Read through the forms and utilize free resources at your courthouse to answer any of your questions on them. Once there you need to be able to make a Judges job easy and determine what is equitable so that your divorce details are ironed out in the first or second mediation meeting. To do this, you must provide proof why you should get the custody you desire as well be agreeable on what the calculator will spit out in terms of child support and alimony. From what you've written it looks like its up to you to provide proof.(burden of proof). The best form of proof these days are emails, trackable, timestamped, easily established. Keep a log of day to day activity including where you son spends his time and with whom. Get records and track all finances. You really just want nothing hidden and everything in the open. Most family courts will appoint free mediators. Prepare yourself as I mentioned above and you'll be successful.
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