kimbop Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I'm no longer with my ex. That's for sure, but he finally came clean about why he treated me worse than someone with leprosy all last year when we were "suppose" to work things and try again. He cheated on me. With someone he didn't have any feelings for. He knows that I shouldn't forgive him, and I'm not. He swore after we broke up for the final time that he never cheated on me. Recently when he came to pick up some tools he left, he finally broke down and told me the nitty gritty. He looked like crap and bawled like crazy. He cried how he ruined his life and his future because he always imagined me as his future wife. Now I just can't help but pity him. My love for him is no more. It diminished to non romantic levels understandably, but I just can't get over the fact that he disrespected me so much as someone whom he claimed to be his best friend. I'm so worried that he inflicted this baggage upon me to distrust most men I encounter. I never had this nagging distrust and fear of abandonment, and I want to find a way to wipe this jaded perspective away. Does it ever go away when a relationship ends so disastrously?
paleblue Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sorry that happened to you. it is an awful feeling to be betrayed like that. unfortunately it will always be in the back of your mind. but now that it is would you not want it there? glad you have been able to move on and are not hung up on any feelings of love for him. that is the biggest hurdle to get over. just keep in mind not everyone cheats. i have never cheated on any of my gf's : ) never have, and am pretty sure i never will!
nowomanocry Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I'm no longer with my ex. That's for sure, but he finally came clean about why he treated me worse than someone with leprosy all last year when we were "suppose" to work things and try again. He cheated on me. With someone he didn't have any feelings for. He knows that I shouldn't forgive him, and I'm not. He swore after we broke up for the final time that he never cheated on me. Recently when he came to pick up some tools he left, he finally broke down and told me the nitty gritty. He looked like crap and bawled like crazy. He cried how he ruined his life and his future because he always imagined me as his future wife. Now I just can't help but pity him. My love for him is no more. It diminished to non romantic levels understandably, but I just can't get over the fact that he disrespected me so much as someone whom he claimed to be his best friend. I'm so worried that he inflicted this baggage upon me to distrust most men I encounter. I never had this nagging distrust and fear of abandonment, and I want to find a way to wipe this jaded perspective away. Does it ever go away when a relationship ends so disastrously? Hey Kim He's the one who lost a person like you, he lost and he's the looser The baggage are all those values like pride etc. that we are stuffed with in our lives that make you feel so bad. Ever generalise this experience to all men, on LS there are a quite a lot of us who had more or less the same heartbreak. Talk to other men here and you will see. So come on, get over it and accept that this has nothing to do with gender. As a male, I believe that there are loads of good girls like you out there, the problem is bumping into the right person of your life. To that only one...That's a bit of luck eh? Believe me, you will come out of this stronger hun. Keep your spirits up and don't let this bad experience ruin your life. TC xx
Author kimbop Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wish it was easy to trust the male gender. I know there are honest, trusthworthy ones out there. It's finding it that's the problem. And at my age, it seems that they're all married or taken. I guess it doesn't help that when I go to my favorite bar where my good friend bartends, a lot of rich, older (like middle aged) MARRIED men try to pick me up. And there are women in my position who would take them up on that offer. What the hell is wrong with people? I had one guy who tried to hide the fact that he was married until I got it out of him. Then he described how wonderful his SIX freakin children are and how great his wife is. Wow. The world is full of cheating scum.
DenverBachelor Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wish it was easy to trust the male gender. I know there are honest, trusthworthy ones out there. It's finding it that's the problem. And at my age, it seems that they're all married or taken. I guess it doesn't help that when I go to my favorite bar where my good friend bartends, a lot of rich, older (like middle aged) MARRIED men try to pick me up. And there are women in my position who would take them up on that offer. What the hell is wrong with people? I had one guy who tried to hide the fact that he was married until I got it out of him. Then he described how wonderful his SIX freakin children are and how great his wife is. Wow. The world is full of cheating scum. What do you expect? You're not looking in the right places for what you want. Of course you're going to find dishonest people in a bar. Older guys that go to bars do so for two primary reasons -- to pick up women and to get out of the house. What you are saying is akin to walking into a church and proclaiming the world is full of religious people or walking into a prison and realizing the world is filled with serial rapists and murderers. What do you want? If you want a stable relationship with a sincere guy than start going to places that you like -- go to art shows, etc. All relationships require maintenance and if you didn't know he was cheating on you for a year, you bare some of that responsibility. The signs are always there but if you don't see them or choose to ignore them or sweep them under the carpet, it is going to catch up to you and destroy the relationship. It isn't YOUR duty to tell him not to cheat, but it is your duty to know what is going on with the relationship and to pay attention to the subtle signs that it is weakening in some areas. Everyone wants what they can't have and desires something to give their life some added dimension. The problem is that a lot of people go into relationships not for the adventure and ride but just for security and to keep from being alone. If you can't be happy alone, you're not going to be any happier over the long-term being with someone else. You should focus on your goals and your talents and pursue your interests and keep busy. It doesn't matter what your interests or hobbies so long as you engage yourself and complete yourself as a person first. Your ex made a mistake, but in the end, we're all just human. People make huge mistakes and unfortunately there isn't any mechanism in life that we can use to just take back those massive F ups. The only thing we can do is learn from the mistakes and to realize the world is so big that we can make hundreds of mistakes but still go on to the next day and start fresh.
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