confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I ended a 6 and a half relationship 4 years ago and I know I should be over it by now and in a lot of ways I am but I also think I am also damaged... Every guy I have dated has been distant which is probably why I was attracted to them. My friend caught on to my lonely life (i have been avoiding relationships) and let me know a mutual friend (distant friend for me) had a crush on me... I don't feel the same way I am not attracted to him, but after talking to her decided that it would be nice to have a friend... So she told him I was interested in being friends... Next thing I know he wants to do some dinner/bar thing on Friday night... And I feel like I am being put in a really awkward situation... I was said maybe... I was thinking daytime activities... And now im freaking out because I feel like i am in over my head... I really am not ready for an awkward situation Hard to believe at this point but I have dated guys in the past 4 years but it was mostly just a sex thing they were hot and I wanted to get laid so I didn't mind if they hit on me this time I just wanted a friend and Im terrified of being hit on By the way when my friend told him I was only interested in being friends he said that was what he was looking for too Help Is there such a thing as just friends and if so how do I achieve it
bananaboat11 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Help Is there such a thing as just friends and if so how do I achieve it easily... don't show any interest and continue the awkwardness of the relationship... if he's 'right' in he head, he'll pick up on it and move on with his life. other than that... have some fun? OR... say NO.
Author confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 easily... don't show any interest and continue the awkwardness of the relationship... if he's 'right' in he head, he'll pick up on it and move on with his life. other than that... have some fun? OR... say NO. so there is no friendship then its just a test to see if I will magically change my mind..... And the awkwardness that is because its not meant to be friends or otherwise right???
skydiveaddict Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 (edited) you're "terrified of being hit on"? yet you've spent the last few years having causal sex? How does that work? Edited March 14, 2010 by skydiveaddict
ADF Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Here's a tip: men almost NEVER go out of their way to befried women they aren't attracted to. Almost never. And this is especially true of younger men. Forget about meeting a guy who just wants friendship. Hand around with your male relatives instead.
Author confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 you're "terrified of being hit on"? yet you've spent the last few years having causal sex? How does that work? really strange right? Im not attracted to him.... I'm not terrified of being hit on by a hot guy who knows what hes doing this guy is just not sure what hes doing and not hot
Author confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Here's a tip: men almost NEVER go out of their way to befried women they aren't attracted to. Almost never. And this is especially true of younger men. Forget about meeting a guy who just wants friendship. Hand around with your male relatives instead. wow you totally busted my bubble Especially the "Forget about meeting a guy who wants just friendship" part that sucks I always knew that was true but to actually be told that straight up Well I already know hes attracted to me... but the question is can there be friendship anyways at this point I honestly don't even want to be his friend the whole thing has fu*&ed with my brain so much I guess my next question is this My friend who is concerned that set this up she says I need to go out and see if feelings appear or just go out with guys am I just messed up or just not attracted its not like I never date I sometimes think that maybe there is nothing wrong with me maybe i just havent crossed path with the right guy like the other day I met this guy really cute good conversation didnt lead to anything yet but I felt totally comfortable no awkwardness... so could the awkwardness just be my intuition saying no and the terrified of being hit on by him my intuition also saying no
Confusedguy81 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 If he is making romantic approaches, lay the ground rules with him gently. Sure, he may feel rejected and want nothing to do with you, but he needs to understand the boundaries.
Author confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 If he is making romantic approaches, lay the ground rules with him gently. Sure, he may feel rejected and want nothing to do with you, but he needs to understand the boundaries. thanks there is this part of me that wants to give it a try
Confusedguy81 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 thanks there is this part of me that wants to give it a try Good Luck if you do. Being forward, especially when it has the potential to hurt someones feelings, can be hard. I still have problems doing it but atleast the person knows where I stand.
ADF Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Well I already know hes attracted to me... but the question is can there be friendship anyways Yes, there can be. The fact most guys are attracted to their female friends doesn't need to be that important. Guys see random attractive women every day. They don't go hitting on all of them. Guys just need to get it through their heads that some women they're attracted to are just not going to be part of their dating pool. Once they realize their female friend is just gonna be a friend, they can leave it alone and hang out. All I'm saying is that if a man is ACTIVELY seeking out women, it is very unlikely he only has friendship on his mind.
DenverBachelor Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 You sound really confused. You're placing too much emphasis on this dinner / bar thing, first of all. You don't know his intentions until you talk to him. Instead of stereotyping him and situations, why not just try and relax and have fun? You seem a little uptight right now about everything. For all you know, he may be an awesome guy to hang out with or go clothes shopping with or to catch a movie with, etc. Awkward situations are only awkward because there is something within that situation that challenges our "internal realization of social structures." You really need to just drop the whole, "oh my god, what if he makes a move, what if he tries to kiss me, etc." and just go out and have a good time. Watch his body language and if he's warming up for first base, just use your body language as a barrier. Most men will get it. If he doesn't, just tell him, "I'm not interested but you seem like a cool guy to hang out with." He said he wants a friend only to your friend. So take him for his word and just go out and have fun. You need to lighten up a little and stop putting so much emphasis on relationships and men and figure out just what it is you want. If you want casual sex with hot guys that are distant and will treat you like **** then so be it. You need to figure out who you are first before you start figuring out who you should be with.
DenverBachelor Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Yes, there can be. The fact most guys are attracted to their female friends doesn't need to be that important. Guys see random attractive women every day. They don't go hitting on all of them. Guys just need to get it through their heads that some women they're attracted to are just not going to be part of their dating pool. Once they realize their female friend is just gonna be a friend, they can leave it alone and hang out. All I'm saying is that if a man is ACTIVELY seeking out women, it is very unlikely he only has friendship on his mind. My rule of thumb is to flirt with every woman I come across (whether fat, skinny, tall, short, hot, ugly, old, young) and if she responds positively I will take it to the next level. If she's not my type I will break off the flirting before it gets too hot. I will agree with you. Men don't seek out women purposely unless they like them. However, I did have a hot friend in high school and we were the best of friends. I think the only reason why we spent so much time together was due to the fact that, at the time, I always wanted to bang her in the back of my mind. Guys aren't going to hang out with fat women or ugly women. I think a lot of relationships (not just physical relationships) are constantly on a sexual balance beam. The very fact that a man has a penis and woman has a vagina will always cause some level of tension (unless one is gay).
Author confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 You sound really confused. You're placing too much emphasis on this dinner / bar thing, first of all. You don't know his intentions until you talk to him. Instead of stereotyping him and situations, why not just try and relax and have fun? You seem a little uptight right now about everything. For all you know, he may be an awesome guy to hang out with or go clothes shopping with or to catch a movie with, etc. Awkward situations are only awkward because there is something within that situation that challenges our "internal realization of social structures." You really need to just drop the whole, "oh my god, what if he makes a move, what if he tries to kiss me, etc." and just go out and have a good time. Watch his body language and if he's warming up for first base, just use your body language as a barrier. Most men will get it. If he doesn't, just tell him, "I'm not interested but you seem like a cool guy to hang out with." He said he wants a friend only to your friend. So take him for his word and just go out and have fun. You need to lighten up a little and stop putting so much emphasis on relationships and men and figure out just what it is you want. If you want casual sex with hot guys that are distant and will treat you like **** then so be it. You need to figure out who you are first before you start figuring out who you should be with. I'm tired of casual sex... I've been passing it up with my three year casual sex relationship. It's hard because I want a life partner, but I don't think Ive crossed paths with him, and not being sexually active makes me a little crazed... sometimes I feel like a time bomb lol I dont want relationships based on sex anymore... And I know I need to work out my grief from my past relationship (not based on sex), but that relationship has been over along time and I thought those emotions would just disappear, but they haven't You're right I am really confused lol
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