paleblue Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 ok this is messed up trying to be friends with an ex i work with. not trying to be a wuss about it. i have really tried to put it all aside. i even wished her and her new bf the best of luck. but it just always get weird. and i think she tries to screw with me. so it makes me wonder, is it really friends? or is it trying to keep me around in case something goes wrong? i can't tell the difference. we recently broke the ice a after several months. she said she really wants to be my friend. in spite of the fact that her feelings are completely dead towards me and she is sleeping over her new guys place. i put it aside and said ok lets try. i said maybe we can even hang out and do some things like we used too. she said yes. now she has been dating some new guy that lives an hour and a half away for the last couple months. i am dating here and there locally for the last several months. anyways, we have been talking almost everyday the last couple weeks. when she wants attention she will walk by my cubicle acting lost or something stupid, purposely letting me check her out by standing right in front of me. she has absolutely no business reason to even be on my side of the office. she comes over and makes friends with the girl next to me and spends time sitting there chatting. she will initiate conversations with me on a daily basis. so than i get comfy with that and do the same. then all the sudden she will drop off the face of the earth after a week. like when she has other plans. or when its times to start thinking about driving out to see her new bf. so she becomes non-responsive. then i feel like i am some kinda of freak! regardless of my lingering feelings, even if i didn't have any, i dont like being treated like that. i am beginning to feel like it is impossible to really be friends with her. the same thing has happened in the past numerous times. i feel like i am just some kind of plan b or ego boost. and not really friends. i also feel like if things are shaky in her life, thats when she will talk to me. its never when things are going good for her. now i am already hearing her whine about her new bf, she will say - i dont have my hopes up too high because we live in two different places, -trying to stay positive but if it doesnt work no regrets." and crap like that. like she wants sympathy or something. i am the good friend and tell her to keep her head up and stay positive it sounds like things are going well and i am sure you two will make it work out. i mean what else is a friends supposed to do right? but it is wearing really thin. i dont like that she purposely flirts then pushes me away. i would find it hard to jtell her to stop talking to me, but dam sometimes i just want to say enough is enough!
bananaboat11 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Seeing my ex (NOT my LAST catastrophe of a relationship ex) last weekend... and we're CLOSE friends... but she transferred to another uni... rekindled some feelings I had... she was sooo excited to see me too... I hid my true feelings so well. ugh i'm right there with you I'm def not emotionally available yet
rand0m Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 yea, i've made no effort to be friends with the ex, even tho she definitely tried till i told her to stop. you know what else sucks? getting texts/calls from your ex on a saturday night asking if you're going to [common lounge] with our mutual friends. quick response : "yes", makes me hope she won't be there, especially not with her new bf. but, if she is, i'm ready for it. i'm a big boy, i can handle my business.
LovelyDaze Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 It's called "dangling carrots." Your ex is clearly wanting you to pant, drool and sweat over her while she lives her life as she sees fit. She doesn't want you back entirely, she wants you to stick around; at best, as a backup plan. Next time she comes around to talk to you, tell her you have a lot of work to finish and unfortunately you'll have to chat later. You could also get up and leave to make a call on your phone elsewhere, excusing yourself nicely ans walking away. Treat her as if she is unimportant. It will blow her ego up into smithereens and she won't know what to do with herself. If you keep allowing her to treat you this way, she will continue to think you have nothing else going on and that she can use you as a doormat to brush her ego.
confused and broken Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 LovelyDaze is right you are only her ego booster she likes you to drool over her when she needs it when she doesn't then she doesn't she is playing you If you don't like it stop being her friend and playing her games Or you could play your own games but that just gets nasty I wouldn't recommend it try and move on
Author paleblue Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 (edited) thanks guys. i am always whining about her on LS. this is my outlet tho. unfortunately it is impossible to avoid her at work. yes i do get the feelings she shows off until she knows i am interested and then pulls back like ha ha i got your attention - now be good until i want another boost. i dont know how you break that cycle other than just completely stop talking to her, which is not an option. i am increasingly not liking the one way-ness. she can do/say whatever when she wants? but when it becomes inconvenient for her i get the glazed over dead-like response? how is that cool? now in retaliation i just bombard her with emails. i know thats probably immature but i dont know how else to get the message across -i dont like you hitting me up when its convenient for you. if it was just hello here and there - that would be fine - but dont come on strong, flaunt your body in front of me on purpose - then disappear. i dont like it. if i stop talking to her when she gets inconvenienced - that is what she wants! i sensed her becoming annoyed with me friday because she was making plans to go bang her new bf an hour and a half away. a couple weeks ago she couldn't get enough email from me. she has another email waiting for her monday morning. and will prob be annoyed. nothing bad, just doesnt fit into her happy plans right now. i jwrote a bunch of random crap - i can tell you like your bf, stay positive you guys will make it. it can work. rah rah rah. then i went into saying i realize your feelings for me are completely dead, sh*** happens. i know how it goes maybe we will make better friends, and good luck with things and blah blah blah, blahhhhhhh. it's all just a bunch of crap. none of this would have happened if she wasnt trying to dangleacrrots in my face. instead of getting mad and not talking to her i will annoy her to death when i feel like she is being a selfish. i dont even know why i let this bother me. she isnt really all that anyway. pretty yes, but not all that. the last two guys turned her down, one of which is a ex bf. now she has latched onto the first guy that said yes an hour and a half away. he doesnt look like all that either. she still hangs out with guys all the time including another ex bf. i doubt she tells him what she is doing. i almost feel bad for the new guy. this is how she treats guys. and i know that will not work for me. Edited March 14, 2010 by paleblue
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