my fellow LS cougars...

[desertmoon]

Well that's certainly a novel "definition" of cougar. LOL

 

Urbandictionary has this one as it's number-one definition:

 

"An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her **** together."

 

I think you'll find the quintessence of cougars is their relationship with younger men. It's that relationship that defines a cougar.

 

I like your made-up definition though! Probably a lot of 40-something women who would agree with it.

 

 

Oh? is it made-up? Like I asked before...show me a famous cougar who is not all the descriptions I said?

 

You want cougars to be this sorry state-of-being kind of woman-I suspect you feel insecure for the following reasons:

 

1) If you are man, you hate the idea that there are women who can play your little game BETTER!

 

2) if you are a woman, you hate the idea that you do not have what it takes to be a cougar!

 

Me? I do not qualify being a cougar....but I do not hate those who are! Live and let live-who gives a hoot?

[pyroguy]

I'm 33, and my ideal for a relationship would be a man older than me by a few years or so. I have only ever dated men my age or older. The last guy I dated was 39. He told me early on that his sex drive had diminished somewhat with age, and that was quite a turn-off for me, as my sex drive is high and I enjoy having sex often.

 

Younger sex partners generally have different qualities than sex partners of the same age. In general, younger men have amazing stamina, are often in prime physical condition, are more open-minded sexually (not set in their ways), have an attitude more of fun and lightness, are more expressive of their desire and pleasure, and are usually very sweet and respectful. So, in general, it makes for a hotter experience -- for SEX ONLY.

 

I have never had sex with a man over 40, so I can't really comment on the difference.

 

 

Um, ok, fair enough. When you get married, and your guy turns 40 though, will you be executing him? or just telling him that your lust is all for the younger guys?

 

Do the older women here, who ARE sexy, realize that they also have chinks in the armor too, and that they have a tough comparison to the 18 year-old cheerleader too?- as sexy as you all are.

[Ruby Slippers]

Of course women realize that aging is, in some ways, a liability. In fact, it could be argued that the world is less forgiving of women's natural aging process. If we start to forget, the media (movies, TV, ads, porn) quickly remind us.

 

When you get married, and your guy turns 40 though, will you be executing him? or just telling him that your lust is all for the younger guys?

I was talking about SINGLE women who are being approached by sexy young men. If all a woman wants is to have some hot sex, it's a safe bet.

 

As to your question, certainly not, and I have never been the kind to "trade up". If anything, I'm loyal to a fault. When I'm in love, I don't even check out other men. All my desire and devotion goes to my man.

 

Unfortunately, in spite of what many men say, as soon as they lock down this devotion from the woman, their attention usually starts to wander to other women. I have experienced this from even the most "devoted", sincere guys. And I know that men experience the same thing, which suggests it's indicative of a human tendency, not a male or female one.

 

Women didn't have the freedom to let their minds wander before -- or at least to act on their impulses -- because they relied on men for their survival. Now, we don't have to rely on a man for money/survival, so we have that freedom. And men are angry that women are beginning to have the same freedoms that have enjoyed and abused for... ever.

 

If my man were unable to perform sexually due to age, I am sure I would feel some sadness and disappointment, but I'm not sure how I would deal with it, as I haven't been in that situation before.

 

In the context of a relationship, even though monogamy comes easily and naturally to me, and is in fact my preference, I have seriously considered the idea of an open relationship. I think it's unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill all the human sexual desires for variety and newness. I can imagine that in a relationship that was rock solid, outside sexual dalliances from time to time would be no threat to the relationship -- provided the relationship was open for both participants.

 

I don't know the right answer. But I'm learning every day so I can find it.

[pyroguy]

Of course women realize that aging is, in some ways, a liability. In fact, it could be argued that the world is less forgiving of women's natural aging process. If we start to forget, the media (movies, TV, ads, porn) quickly remind us.

 

 

I was talking about SINGLE women who are being approached by sexy young men. If all a woman wants is to have some hot sex, it's a safe bet.

 

As to your question, certainly not, and I have never been the kind to "trade up". If anything, I'm loyal to a fault. When I'm in love, I don't even check out other men. All my desire and devotion goes to my man.

 

Unfortunately, in spite of what many men say, as soon as they lock down this devotion from the woman, their attention usually starts to wander to other women. I have experienced this from even the most "devoted", sincere guys. And I know that men experience the same thing, which suggests it's indicative of a human tendency, not a male or female one.

 

Women didn't have the freedom to let their minds wander before -- or at least to act on their impulses -- because they relied on men for their survival. Now, we don't have to rely on a man for money/survival, so we have that freedom. And men are angry that women are beginning to have the same freedoms that have enjoyed and abused for... ever.

 

If my man were unable to perform sexually due to age, I am sure I would feel some sadness and disappointment, but I'm not sure how I would deal with it, as I haven't been in that situation before.

 

In the context of a relationship, even though monogamy comes easily and naturally to me, and is in fact my preference, I have seriously considered the idea of an open relationship. I think it's unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill all the human sexual desires for variety and newness. I can imagine that in a relationship that was rock solid, outside sexual dalliances from time to time would be no threat to the relationship -- provided the relationship was open for both participants.

 

I don't know the right answer. But I'm learning every day so I can find it.

 

I knew you would answer like that:D I knew the whole " men have enjoyed it for years" thing would come up. I don't know, women have always swooned for the guy of that time ie., Elvis. Also, the media is just as hard on men as they are on women.

 

Consider the following:

There are no plus sized male models

there is no show about the male equivalent of the cougar (cougartown)

there is, however, a show on cable about the life of a well hung guy

There is now a website dedicated for cougars-and their potential mates

no such website for older guys , is there?

plenty of talk here about all the young guys

oh, and throw in all the married couples on craigslist looking fro a younger guy for the wife.

 

I don't know about the attention thing. I can definitely give my attention to one woman. But, you are right. I guess this is a human tendency.

 

As to your last paragraph about an open relationship, you only have a small chance of that happening. Women just don't understand men. The sexual dalliance you mention would hinder things for a man-they're wired that way. Once you have some hot, porn star-like guy, and your guy KNOWS he cannot compare, it now will always affect the relationship sex. Men are logical thinkers, women are emotional. Men will think, why have sex anymore? I can't provide the same feeling for her, or desire. Women will still feel it's a great thing because of intimacy. For men IMO, if they are not VERY sexually relevant, it's intimacy, schmintacy. If they are, they can be very loving, outside of sex. I think you will find that 90% of your prospects will not be into this. Good luck though!

 

I think most people may have to accept this arrangement in the future, since it seems like everone wants other people besides their mate anyway. I can never get married again, and that's not a shot at my wife or marriage as a concept. It's just like you explain. Women have all this freedom to desire other men, and man are they ever expressing it.

 

I can workout 5-6 days a week, be horny as hell, attentive, and I still don't think it would matter. I honestly think this may be the sad future for most men-unless they look like a playgirl model into their 60's, are hung like Lexington Steele, make good money, but only have eyes for their woman, it's time to retire and stay single.

[Ruby Slippers]

pyro, I do want a loving, monogamous relationship with one man, but that is increasingly hard to find. In a perfect world, my man and I would have a lifetime-lasting relationship, a great family, and all the whistles and bells. But it's not a perfect world.

 

Still, in spite of how I may express my doubts and fears on LS, I'm a determined idealist, and it is unlikely I will give up on my dreams of great love anytime soon.

[St. Nick]

I've been with many many many younger men... they aren't the best in the sack.. they have a lot of stamina.. that's for sure.. but they need the experience.. IMO... but I have to say that they're willing to learn..

 

My best lovers were from 37 to 45... these are the best IMO (for MY experience).. they didn't need the 'instructions'..

This is probably the most hilarious thing I hear from older women: that they have experience and they can teach me things. Me and my buddies were just laughing about this recently how when you tell an older woman you've had sex with another older woman before she might say something like, "Oh, I bet she probably taught you a few things". Yeah, she taught me that the whole cougar thing is pretty overrated, and older women definitely do not live up to the myth that the older a woman gets the better she is in the sack.

 

Any younger dude who bangs an older woman realizes that she's not up to much in bed, and the myth that she could teach a young dude a few things is probably something made up just to give older women some compensation about aging. I say if that were true then society would actually be favoring age in a woman rather than youth.

[bac]

I know many of these guys are a mess, but certianly not all, and as for the sex. I definitely know more now than I did in my early twenties.

 

So, of course men your age will not be interested. Just look at the (unintended) ridicule any older guy gets right in this very thread. It's your right to feel that way, but no older guy will be interested when they are told how much greater younger men are and how great cougarism is.

 

I guess the reality is that:

 

1. All guys in 40s who are capable of an attachment/relationship are taken by other women a long time ago.

 

2. Those guys who are still available for some questionable reason and also somehow valuable are looking for women at least 8-10 yrs younger.

Those men in 40s look at women in 40s like the women are not valuable and are easy. But, when they are with young girls, they do their best for them.

[bac]

This is probably the most hilarious thing I hear from older women: that they have experience and they can teach me things. Me and my buddies were just laughing about this recently how when you tell an older woman you've had sex with another older woman before she might say something like, "Oh, I bet she probably taught you a few things". Yeah, she taught me that the whole cougar thing is pretty overrated, and older women definitely do not live up to the myth that the older a woman gets the better she is in the sack.

 

Any younger dude who bangs an older woman realizes that she's not up to much in bed, and the myth that she could teach a young dude a few things is probably something made up just to give older women some compensation about aging. I say if that were true then society would actually be favoring age in a woman rather than youth.

 

IMO you banged the older women but you have never banged the cougars.

[Alma Mobley]

I like the last one the best!

 

anyho... this thread has been so educational for me... really!

 

But back to my opening post.. I originally thought I might be a cougar because I am in my 40's... independant, confident and feel pretty damn sexy still! and most of the guys that have shown interest in me in the past 10 or so years have all been younger... some I "hooked up" with for a little fun, some I even dated for a while... others didn't get so lucky! And while some younger guys can be hot, now I want a real relationship and don't want to settle for being someone's "cougar"... which is what this 30 yo dude called me the other day. To me it's not a flattering term and does not describe me at all... since I'm not chasing younger guys around, they chase me!

 

tkgirl,

 

I asked earlier how much younger we were talking about since you expressed that you wanted a relationship, not just flings. I wouldn't automatically rule out a younger man for a relationship because of age, but I do think that there are more problems when the age gap widens past 10 or so years.

 

In my mid-30s I was asked out only by younger men (22-30), mainly because that's whom I encountered in social situations, especially since I went back to school for a grad degree. I tended to have younger friends, and most people just assumed I was in my 20s too.

 

Like you, I hesitated about getting too involved with one because I thought age would be a problem. I wanted to meet someone my own age or a little older. I met a handsome young man who was 10 and a half years younger, and he convinced me to try out a relationship ("nothing too intense," he said) despite my reservations. Well, it got "intense" anyway and I ended up marrying him and now we're expecting our first child.

 

So, yeah, don't rule them out COMPLETELY, is all that I am saying. I think that compatibility is probably a big factor in whether it can work or not.

[sumdude]

I guess the reality is that:

 

1. All guys in 40s who are capable of an attachment/relationship are taken by other women a long time ago.

 

2. Those guys who are still available for some questionable reason and also somehow valuable are looking for women at least 8-10 yrs younger.

Those men in 40s look at women in 40s like the women are not valuable and are easy. But, when they are with young girls, they do their best for them.

 

Available for some questionable reason? What is that supposed to mean?

[St. Nick]

IMO you banged the older women but you have never banged the cougars.

As shown in this thread, everyone's definition of cougar is different. For all you know I could have banged older women who fit into every definition of a cougar given in this thread. My definition is an older woman actively seeking sexual relations with a much younger man. That's all. How good she is (or isn't) in bed has nothing to do with it.

[tkgirl]

tkgirl,

 

I asked earlier how much younger we were talking about since you expressed that you wanted a relationship, not just flings. I wouldn't automatically rule out a younger man for a relationship because of age, but I do think that there are more problems when the age gap widens past 10 or so years.

 

In my mid-30s I was asked out only by younger men (22-30), mainly because that's whom I encountered in social situations, especially since I went back to school for a grad degree. I tended to have younger friends, and most people just assumed I was in my 20s too.

 

Like you, I hesitated about getting too involved with one because I thought age would be a problem. I wanted to meet someone my own age or a little older. I met a handsome young man who was 10 and a half years younger, and he convinced me to try out a relationship ("nothing too intense," he said) despite my reservations. Well, it got "intense" anyway and I ended up marrying him and now we're expecting our first child.

 

So, yeah, don't rule them out COMPLETELY, is all that I am saying. I think that compatibility is probably a big factor in whether it can work or not.

 

 

hey Alma! thanks for that... you inspire me!

 

let's see.. as far as how young I'll go? Ideally my age range would be about 35-50... but when I find a guy I really connect with, the age thing isn't that much of an issue for me... like you said, it's all about being compatible and age is pretty irrelavent when it comes down to it. I just wish these kind of "more mature" guys would approach me... instead get these 20 or early 30 somethings that to do... but it's all about sex. I don't want to just "hook-up" anymore and am looking to be in a relationship.. something fun but at the same time we are also good friends that are there for each other. I wonder if I'll ever find that sometimes...

 

I've been thinking about all this way too much though... today I was at the mall and I was walking by this young couple... probably in their early 20's... and I swear that the guy was checking me out! Our eyes met and he smiled... I looked away and when I looked back he was still smiling at me. He actually was pretty cute... I wondered why the heck he was looking at me when he had this younger girl with him. I could have been imagining the whole thing but it was weird...

[pyroguy]

pyro, I do want a loving, monogamous relationship with one man, but that is increasingly hard to find. In a perfect world, my man and I would have a lifetime-lasting relationship, a great family, and all the whistles and bells. But it's not a perfect world.

 

Still, in spite of how I may express my doubts and fears on LS, I'm a determined idealist, and it is unlikely I will give up on my dreams of great love anytime soon.

 

Then you keep that optomism. Pay no attention to me. I've had a very tough year, and what can I say. From what I see and hear, I just don't think many wives want their husbands, and I'm very pessimistic about male-female relationships in the future. That is, unless they are like the open or swinging relationships you mentioned.

[Ruby Slippers]

Our eyes met and he smiled... I looked away and when I looked back he was still smiling at me. He actually was pretty cute... I wondered why the heck he was looking at me when he had this younger girl with him. I could have been imagining the whole thing but it was weird...

A lot of them do.

 

I was in a store the other day and this married guy with his wife and two little kids kept following me around, ignoring his family while trying to sneak peeks at me from down the aisles. It totally creeped me out, and I felt so sorry for his wife.

[pyroguy]

hey Alma! thanks for that... you inspire me!

 

let's see.. as far as how young I'll go? Ideally my age range would be about 35-50... but when I find a guy I really connect with, the age thing isn't that much of an issue for me... like you said, it's all about being compatible and age is pretty irrelavent when it comes down to it. I just wish these kind of "more mature" guys would approach me... instead get these 20 or early 30 somethings that to do... but it's all about sex. I don't want to just "hook-up" anymore and am looking to be in a relationship.. something fun but at the same time we are also good friends that are there for each other. I wonder if I'll ever find that sometimes...

 

I've been thinking about all this way too much though... today I was at the mall and I was walking by this young couple... probably in their early 20's... and I swear that the guy was checking me out! Our eyes met and he smiled... I looked away and when I looked back he was still smiling at me. He actually was pretty cute... I wondered why the heck he was looking at me when he had this younger girl with him. I could have been imagining the whole thing but it was weird...

 

And see, why doesn't this turn you off? a guy, who is phyically with his girl and is playing this game with you. I know, it can be flattering. I've had that eye contact too, and was not positive what it meant. Still, while it can be a compliment, I feel bad for the guy-if it's true. Or, in your case, the other girl.

[bac]

Available for some questionable reason? What is that supposed to mean?

 

I am dating men in 40s online. There are a lot of guys online to meet.

I like to ask questions to get to know a guy better.

For example, the last guy I had the first phone conversation with told me that he was on medications for bipolar and depression.

For example, the last guy I had a sexual relationship with had an antisocial personality disorder.

[Woggle]

A lot of them do.

 

I was in a store the other day and this married guy with his wife and two little kids kept following me around, ignoring his family while trying to sneak peeks at me from down the aisles. It totally creeped me out, and I felt so sorry for his wife.

 

If a married woman were following a man how would you feel? Be honest.

[tkgirl]

And see, why doesn't this turn you off? a guy, who is phyically with his girl and is playing this game with you. I know, it can be flattering. I've had that eye contact too, and was not positive what it meant. Still, while it can be a compliment, I feel bad for the guy-if it's true. Or, in your case, the other girl.

 

yea, that part of it probably would be a turn-off.. but honestly I was more surprised.. that a guy that young, I'm talking barely 20.. would be checking me out, with or without another girl with him.

[Ruby Slippers]

If a married woman were following a man how would you feel? Be honest.

I would find that just as gross and disrespectful. I can't imagine being with my man (and children) and following some guy around the store trying to admire his arms. Even the idea is laughable. You're out with your family -- be with them. If you must ogle the opposite sex, do it when you're out alone.

 

But following anyone around a store to get more of a gander is pretty much creepy, no matter who you are.

[pyroguy]

yea, that part of it probably would be a turn-off.. but honestly I was more surprised.. that a guy that young, I'm talking barely 20.. would be checking me out, with or without another girl with him.

 

Well, it does mean you must be really attractive. Take it as a compliment, I guess. You and Ruby, from your posts, both sound really attractive and pretty cool. Do you have sisters? not for me. I have a hopelessly single friend.

[tkgirl]

 

Well, it does mean you must be really attractive. Take it as a compliment, I guess. You and Ruby, from your posts, both sound really attractive and pretty cool. Do you have sisters? not for me. I have a hopelessly single friend.

 

 

thanks

 

I've been called pretty... beautiful... cute etc... it is nice but I don't think I'm all that, not at all... in fact, I see women/girls much "prettier" but... I don't know, I often wonder if I give off this certain something that makes guys (and lately younger guys) check me out. And something weird about springtime and me... I start to feel more "sensual" so maybe I'm giving off that vibe now too?

 

I do tend to overthink things after a while... I'm going to try to just go with it now.. enjoy that younger guys find me attractive, while staying on the lookout for a good older guy i.e. one that is looking for more that just a fling!

 

oh yeah, and I do have a sister but she's even older than me.... and married! how old is you friend?

[pyroguy]

thanks

 

I've been called pretty... beautiful... cute etc... it is nice but I don't think I'm all that, not at all... in fact, I see women/girls much "prettier" but... I don't know, I often wonder if I give off this certain something that makes guys (and lately younger guys) check me out. And something weird about springtime and me... I start to feel more "sensual" so maybe I'm giving off that vibe now too?

 

I do tend to overthink things after a while... I'm going to try to just go with it now.. enjoy that younger guys find me attractive, while staying on the lookout for a good older guy i.e. one that is looking for more that just a fling!

 

oh yeah, and I do have a sister but she's even older than me.... and married! how old is you friend?

 

Spring definitely does something. So, who knows. My friend just turned 42- I think. Good look in your quest. Where in the country do you live?

[tkgirl]

Spring definitely does something. So, who knows. My friend just turned 42- I think. Good look in your quest. Where in the country do you live?

 

well, I'm 44 but I'm betting your friend wants someone younger? just a hunch sometimes it seems like everything's all out of whack with the whole age/relationship thing... older guys that I would want seem to prefer younger girls, while the younger guys are the ones that seem to be more interested in me... agggh! will I EVER find that guy that's mature, attractive, compatible AND wants me too... for more than just a fling? he's got to be out there, right?

[sumdude]

I am dating men in 40s online. There are a lot of guys online to meet.

I like to ask questions to get to know a guy better.

For example, the last guy I had the first phone conversation with told me that he was on medications for bipolar and depression.

For example, the last guy I had a sexual relationship with had an antisocial personality disorder.

 

Hmm.. well perhaps the more normal ones are the ones who's e-mails and profiles you are ignoring?

[sumdude]

You go cougar girls! Date those 20 something guys! Then there will be more 20 something girls available.