tkgirl Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 So I guess it's "official"... I am a cougar... I can no longer deny it. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm single and in my mid forties... but I don't feel that old at all and am told I don't look it either. And I get checked out by a lot of younger guys still... honestly it seems they are the only ones that will even approach me lately! I really have no interest in them though.. although at times I am tempted to use the for a little "fun" but then when it comes down to it I won't go there. I want to be in a real relationship and with a guy closer to my own age, but there's not a whole lot of them available. At least not where I'm at. So what do I do now? Try to have a relationship with one of these younger guys? Stay single forever? any advice is much appreciated!
bac Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 It is almost impossible to have a serious relationship with a guy who is much younger than you. It feels great only during first several months. Then you are going to feel pretty bad because you will fall for him, but he will think about younger versions of you. But, sex with a much younger guy is going to be mind-blowing.
ashleigh422 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I say not to exclude them.. the sex definately should be mind blowing.. in comparison to men your own age.. Actually.. if I were you I'd have some fun and keep my eye out for that one diamond in the rough that may be extremly mature and looking for a woman just like you for a relationship
Kristine Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I personally attract older guys, so I'm probably not much help. But I say open up and give the younger ones a try. You may find the right guy for you in the mix. Demi did. Besides sex would be fun to say the least.
CarrieT Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I'm tired of attracting only guys that are a decade younger than me -- I know they only want sex and the "thrill of the hunt." I have had no luck whatsoever meeting anyone my own age --- or, I should say, I have had no luck whatsoever meeting anyone my own age who DOESN'T have children and looking for stepmothers to their kids. I figure my best bet is to wait until I am in my 50s and then hope at least that the guys' children will be entering college.
Kristine Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sorry to hear it, I guess I'm kind of lucky in that respect. So far anyway. Knock on wood. Not all young guys are looking just for the chase. Around age 30 they're looking to settle down, in my unprofessional opinion. That's based on the fact my brother and his friends are about that age when they all settled into marriage and one married a woman 8 years his senior.
Author tkgirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 I'm tired of attracting only guys that are a decade younger than me -- I know they only want sex and the "thrill of the hunt." I have had no luck whatsoever meeting anyone my own age --- or, I should say, I have had no luck whatsoever meeting anyone my own age who DOESN'T have children and looking for stepmothers to their kids. I figure my best bet is to wait until I am in my 50s and then hope at least that the guys' children will be entering college. yep, that's kind of how I feel. The reason I started this thread was because yesterday one of my co-workers told me how this guy I'm friends with at work told her how he'd "definitely be into doing the cougar thing" with me. I knew he was attracted to me (told me so himself) but then when I heard that I was like "well... I guess I'm just a cougar now". It kind of turned me off a bit... Sorry to hear it, I guess I'm kind of lucky in that respect. So far anyway. Knock on wood. Not all young guys are looking just for the chase. Around age 30 they're looking to settle down, in my unprofessional opinion. That's based on the fact my brother and his friends are about that age when they all settled into marriage and one married a woman 8 years his senior. that is a little encouraging.. but I still feel like all these younger guys just see me as some cougar they could "hit" but not want to settle down with. I say not to exclude them.. the sex definately should be mind blowing.. in comparison to men your own age.. Actually.. if I were you I'd have some fun and keep my eye out for that one diamond in the rough that may be extremly mature and looking for a woman just like you for a relationship so I guess all I can do is just go with it and maybe I'll get lucky and end up with an Ashton K of my own!
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Around age 30 they're looking to settle down, in my unprofessional opinion. That's based on the fact my brother and his friends are about that age when they all settled into marriage and one married a woman 8 years his senior. Funny, in my area I know of no guys in their early 30s looking to settle down. Depends on where you are I guess. If the OP isn't banging younger guys she's not a cougar.
Author tkgirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Funny, in my area I know of no guys in their early 30s looking to settle down. Depends on where you are I guess. If the OP isn't banging younger guys she's not a cougar. ok so it's not official.. phew! But when I think about most of the guys I've dated... or whatever! in the past ten years or so, they have all been younger.. some by just a few years, some even more. It seems like that's all I attract... and on one hand I admit it is flattering but deep down I know I want more than just a fling with a younger guy. I'm trying to figure out what I can do to start attracting more "mature" guys that are looking for something more than just some fun. I realize the change has to start with me though... btw.. thanks to everyone that's replied! it does give me a better perspective on things.
Lizzie60 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Nope it's not.. you're not a cougar if you DON'T want anything to do with younger guys.. If you're looking for a serious relationship... younger guys are not really the solution..
tami-chan Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Labels are there for a purpose. It makes it a lot easier and quicker for people to make determinations. But labels are limiting and more often make people assume things about another person without a factual (truthful) basis. So... TKgirl, I would not worry about the "cougar"label...if you meet someone younger than you-just know the expectations of the relationship and if they are all ok with you and the younger guy, then run with it! But I would not go out with a younger guy who believes in the "cougar" thing.
Author tkgirl Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Nope it's not.. you're not a cougar if you DON'T want anything to do with younger guys.. If you're looking for a serious relationship... younger guys are not really the solution.. thanks Lizzie! I was wondering when I was going to hear from you yeah.. I guess I'm just struggling with this whole realization that I am older now (gulp) but I am glad that I still manage to attract (sometimes much)younger guys... and a part of me feels like I should be taking advantage it! but I also know I want more than a fling with one... how do you do it? Labels are there for a purpose. It makes it a lot easier and quicker for people to make determinations. But labels are limiting and more often make people assume things about another person without a factual (truthful) basis. So... TKgirl, I would not worry about the "cougar"label...if you meet someone younger than you-just know the expectations of the relationship and if they are all ok with you and the younger guy, then run with it! But I would not go out with a younger guy who believes in the "cougar" thing. so true... I guess it did feel like I was put into this neat little category of being a "cougar" when it really isn't true.. at least not right now
Satisfaction Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I don't think there is anything wrong with dating a younger guy but you are right if he thinks of you with a label then maybe he is just looking for an experience. Not really good for you! Is there anyway of you expanding your social circle so you can meet different guys?
Lizzie60 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Personally I don't like the term 'cougar' since most of the time, it's not the older woman who goes after the young guys.. it's the other way around.. I have never ever hit on a much younger guy... they've hit on me.. My last ex was 12 years younger.. but it felt like we were the same age.. it all depends.. I guess on the maturity level.. how they 'look'.. in my case, I looked younger and he looked older.. so we were a good match.
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I've dated cougars and they're great. But they have to be easy, that's one of the big reasons younger guys date them. A cougar who plays hard to get isn't much of a cougar.
Author tkgirl Posted March 15, 2010 Author Posted March 15, 2010 I don't think there is anything wrong with dating a younger guy but you are right if he thinks of you with a label then maybe he is just looking for an experience. Not really good for you! Is there anyway of you expanding your social circle so you can meet different guys? yeah, that's my feeling too... I don't really want to be just some younger guys "cougar fantasy" Personally I don't like the term 'cougar' since most of the time, it's not the older woman who goes after the young guys.. it's the other way around.. I have never ever hit on a much younger guy... they've hit on me.. My last ex was 12 years younger.. but it felt like we were the same age.. it all depends.. I guess on the maturity level.. how they 'look'.. in my case, I looked younger and he looked older.. so we were a good match. I hear ya... I would never try to hit on a younger guy and even though I am attracted to them, I wait for them to approach me. But all the ones that do hit on me seem like they are only looking for a "good time" with a hot older broad... and I feel like I have a lot more to offer than just my sexy bod! hey, that rhymed! I've dated cougars and they're great. But they have to be easy, that's one of the big reasons younger guys date them. A cougar who plays hard to get isn't much of a cougar. I'm not playing hard to get, just don't want to end up with a guy like you.. that just wants to get with me because he thinks I must be easy because I'm older. We know what we want, yes.. but we are not "easy"
Johnny M Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Any woman who thinks that she can have a long-term relationship with a much younger man is deluding herself. How many couples like that do you actually know? Such relationships are very rare and those that do exist usually involve men with serious unresolved mommy issues and other psychological problems. 99% of young guys who go for older women are only only interested in sex and think that cougars are easy (which is usually true).
alphamale Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 So what do I do now? Try to have a relationship with one of these younger guys? Stay single forever? any advice is much appreciated! you can give me a call, i'm in a dating slump currently
stepka Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Unfortunately, I think the whole cougar thing got started b/c guys determined that baby-boomer women were more likely to put-out quicker, b/c back in the day, there were so few consequences for easy sex--when I was a young lady dating, every STD we knew about could be treated with antibiotics. I know what you mean though--it seems like more young men go for me, and handsomer ones than I'd ever have dreamed I could get, but like you, I want a real relationship, so I flirt with them for ego's sake, but don't date them. It's fun to think about, but empty sex just doesn't do it anymore.
St. Nick Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I've dated cougars and they're great. But they have to be easy, that's one of the big reasons younger guys date them. A cougar who plays hard to get isn't much of a cougar. Older women have better personalities but are a huge bore in bed. Any woman who thinks that she can have a long-term relationship with a much younger man is deluding herself. How many couples like that do you actually know? Such relationships are very rare and those that do exist usually involve men with serious unresolved mommy issues and other psychological problems. 99% of young guys who go for older women are only only interested in sex and think that cougars are easy (which is usually true). I wouldn't say only interested in sex. Sometimes it's cool to be with a woman who has her stuff together financially and socially and doesn't need to depend on you.
Johnny M Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Unfortunately, I think the whole cougar thing got started b/c guys determined that baby-boomer women were more likely to put-out quicker, b/c back in the day, there were so few consequences for easy sex--when I was a young lady dating, every STD we knew about could be treated with antibiotics. It has nothing to do with the baby boom generation or the 60s. The bottom line is that older women who are into young guys are easy - they simply have to be. What can an older woman offer that her younger, fresher looking counterpart cannot (and please don't say "maturity" )? They only card these women have is easy sex, and they have to play it if they want to attract young guys. To be clear, I'm not saying that all older women are easy. However, women who go for younger guys (a.k.a. cougars) are easy by definition.
alphamale Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Older women have better personalities but are a huge bore in bed.. actually older women are in general much better in the sack.
Johnny M Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I wouldn't say only interested in sex. Sometimes it's cool to be with a woman who has her stuff together financially and socially and doesn't need to depend on you. I wouldn't necessarily say that older single women have their stuff together compared to younger girls. Sure, they have more life experience, but that cuts both ways. Such women usually come with their own set of problems (emotional baggage from failed marriages, kids, etc.)
Lizzie60 Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Must be humiliating when it's the older woman that is turned-off by the younger guy..
Johnny M Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Must be humiliating when it's the older woman that is turned-off by the younger guy.. yeah, I would imagine such a rare occurrence would be pretty humiliating
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