xpaperxcutx Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 built in me, then I can avoid guys that are looking for a booty call. I'm starting to doubt that the problem is entirely on me simply based on the fact that every guy I have so far met and came across are just either too emotionally retarded or they're looking for an NSA. I've so far came across 3-4 guys that on first appearances are charming and attractive, yet when they tell me they've only recently broke up my head starts screaming " Run away, run away!". I really don't have time to waste on guys who want " to see where things go" because I've been there, done that and know for a fact they're just not ready for a relationship. After a quick reevaluation of myself, I learned I'm going to respect myself first and foremost and to seek someone on the same commitment level as I. Hence the process of weeding and plucking the field and trying to sow my oats, which so far has come up empty. Not that I'm looking to harvest too soon, but I'm wondering, aside from the many guys that complain they can't find a good girl to start a relationship with, why can't I vice versa? Are we just spending too much time on the internet?
Star Gazer Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Where are you meeting these guys? Are you responding to their sexual innuendo? Initiating it?
likestolaugh Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Are we just spending too much time on the internet? The answer lies in this direction...
paleblue Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 i wish i had some radar too! i think it just takes time and a lot of patience! to keep yourself going with the dating in hopes of eventually finding someone you match well with, instead of latching on to the first one that says yes. i have noticed it seems if you dont take a little time to get to know someone first - like jumping right into the sack with someone more often than not it eventually leads to disaster. just my observations. been on several dates myself over the last few months and the up's and down's drive me crazy. coming back to the internet feels like a safe haven!
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Where are you meeting these guys? Are you responding to their sexual innuendo? Initiating it? Usually online or through friends. They're all so formidable in the beginning and I'm usually very flirtatious to let them know I'm interested. I do avoid sexual innuendos until I at least got to know them better. The one I noticed that I don't do enough is ask them about their dating history. Like this last guy I met, he's a year younger than me and last night he surprised me by telling me he just broke up 4 weeks ago and is on the prowl for NSAs.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 The answer lies in this direction... Hahaha, I was referring to being online complaining on LS....
Star Gazer Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I'm usually very flirtatious to let them know I'm interested. I do avoid sexual innuendos until I at least got to know them better. 1. You don't have to be VERY flirtatious to let someone know you're interested. 2. You should avoid sexual innuendos until after a number of dates. Not before or during the first one.
likestolaugh Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Hahaha, I was referring to being online complaining on LS.... ohhh... me too:laugh: seriously though, one has to very careful spending too much time on sites like LS... they are not necessarily an accurate reflection of society.
GoneButNotForgotten Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Also remember a lot of the guys who really would prefer a future with that special someone can be a bit gunshy after they've been burned a few times. It only takes one or two before you start doubting and then they won't pull the trigger unless the signs are so obvious they can be seen from the international space station. It's not that we are quiet and introverted. It's that after a few shots to the heart its harder and harder to put yourself out there and set yourself up for what you've only seen as failure.
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 You know, if you are meeting guys that are charming and attractive then they will be attractive to other women too, so the likelihood that they've just broken up with someone will be higher. This is because they are not going to be single for long. Having said that, it is a warning sign that they might be on the rebound or not looking for anything serious. If you've found that wanting to "see where things go" is a warning sign too, then you are a little wiser, though it can be a genuine way for a guy to let you know he has no expectations of you and doesn't want you to feel pressured. I haven't seen you, but I get the feeling you are suffering from the 'very attractive woman syndome', which means guys are drawn to you because they like the way you look and haven't thought beyond that ... apart from to the undressing stage that is! These men are probably not thinking relationship or long-term, but will flatter with lots of attention in the hope of a short-term gain. Also, confident men will push themselves forwards, gain your attention and be persistent. So you can see that the very men you might want to avoid are the ones who will be there elbowing the others out. It's worth taking a look round at the not-so-confident men who don't find it so easy to approach you. They may be just what you are looking for but not obvious. They may wait for you to show friendly interest before they feel confident enough to respond. I do think the internet attracts the guys who flit from one woman to another and are good at flirting and NSA flings, but not much else. There are some genuine guys though. Look for the qualities you want in a man first rather than the way he looks. I know physical attraction is essential, but someone you consider moderately attractive may really grow on you when you meet him in person. Also, the nice guys may not be so pushy so it's worth looking past the front row, so to speak.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 You know, if you are meeting guys that are charming and attractive then they will be attractive to other women too, so the likelihood that they've just broken up with someone will be higher. This is because they are not going to be single for long. Having said that, it is a warning sign that they might be on the rebound or not looking for anything serious. If you've found that wanting to "see where things go" is a warning sign too, then you are a little wiser, though it can be a genuine way for a guy to let you know he has no expectations of you and doesn't want you to feel pressured. I haven't seen you, but I get the feeling you are suffering from the 'very attractive woman syndome', which means guys are drawn to you because they like the way you look and haven't thought beyond that ... apart from to the undressing stage that is! These men are probably not thinking relationship or long-term, but will flatter with lots of attention in the hope of a short-term gain. Also, confident men will push themselves forwards, gain your attention and be persistent. So you can see that the very men you might want to avoid are the ones who will be there elbowing the others out. It's worth taking a look round at the not-so-confident men who don't find it so easy to approach you. They may be just what you are looking for but not obvious. They may wait for you to show friendly interest before they feel confident enough to respond. I do think the internet attracts the guys who flit from one woman to another and are good at flirting and NSA flings, but not much else. There are some genuine guys though. Look for the qualities you want in a man first rather than the way he looks. I know physical attraction is essential, but someone you consider moderately attractive may really grow on you when you meet him in person. Also, the nice guys may not be so pushy so it's worth looking past the front row, so to speak. Okay well the last three or so guy I've met are all very outgoing, straightforward, and emotionally unavailable, with the latter being the last one for me to find out. What draws me to a guy is his confidence because I get easily bored if a guy is too shy around me and I have to do a lot of work and effort to get them to open up. I don't consider myself attractive but I have noticed I attract alot of sleazy guys whom I avoid at all costs. The few shy guys that I do meet tend to think I'm intimidating when all I'm trying to do is be friendly. I flirt when I am attracted to someone yet I also know know when to tone things down. I'm not attracted to over the top Brad Pitt lookalikes. I have met some moderately attractive people who have mediocre personalities. The one thing I can only complain about is that if a guy cannot engage me in conversation, I immediately shut off and become bored.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 For women with bad radar the best advice I can give is go for the guy that is only half way interesting at first. Also, if part of your personality attracts D bags you may consider looking at yourself and say what about me is attracting these types of guys. Then consider changing yourself to attract the "good" confident and attractive guys.
sid3 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Didn't you say you didn't even want to date at this time because your still a 'party girl' Seems you've changed your mind. Dropping the party girl persona will definetly help in weeding out the douchebags.
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 The internet is the biggest meat market. I love it, but if you're looking to "settle down" it's not for you. If you're looking to weed out the "players" like myself just let them know that you won't be having sex until the 20th date or until you're married or until he's spent $500 on you or whatever. I stop talking with a girl immediately if she says anything like this. The (few) guys who stick around will be just what you're looking for.
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