blind_otter Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I get so frustrated whenever I have to communicate with my son's father. I need help because I need to talk to him, obviously, about issues regarding our son. At this point, by my request, our communication has gone from face to face to phone calls to email. Pretty soon I'll be having him send me smoke signals or something even more remote. Blaaah. The further, the better. I get caught up trying to get him to agree with me. I don't know why I do this, a carry-over from our 5 year partnership, maybe? Inevitably, we end up discussing past arguments, stupidly. His point of view is just completely different from mine. Not slightly, completely. AS in, the order of events gets jumbled, or things that he did completely disappear, and things I did get amplified. Suddenly he becomes a rational vulcan and I am a deranged harpy running around with a billy club. I so desperately want him to just say, "yes, you were a decent human being. Yes, I made some horrible mistakes, too, and I know I hurt you - physically, and emotionally. I am so sorry..." but that will never happen and I must accept that. I have to. I must! He doesn't have to even believe what I know is true. It doesn't matter what he thinks. If I am behaving honorably, and I am staying true to my values, I have nothing to fear, especially the judgment from those who lie to themselves. Not every relationship ends with a happy ending and that is OK. I keep telling myself this, and I see myself strong in my head, even if I am bruised and battered and I feel weak. Everything is as it should be and I just have to alter my attitude so that I can accept that. It's just hard. I wanted to have that storybook ending. Wish in one hand....
Kristine Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 It gets easier, and the contact does get less and less.
threebyfate Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 When you're feeling like this and things just keep degenerating, email is probably best. Try to keep it to point form of what your son needs from his father or what you practically need from him, such as his time, to take care of his son. If the arrangements are loose and he keeps balking, time to define them clearly.
Author blind_otter Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 It's hard. He keeps sending me emails that alternate between "I LOVE YOU" to "What the f*ck is wrong with you, you are insane, you are the reason everything is wrong" back to "Be careful, I care about you." I am not responding to these emails. If he can email me in a rational manner and discuss our son, I am fine with that. All this other stuff is MESSING WITH MY HEAD.
Author blind_otter Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Blech.....barf. grrrrr. This is a temporary state.
nobmagnet Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Blech.....barf. grrrrr. This is a temporary state. Lowly worm does the same. He completely re-wrote the relationship history to qualify his appauling behavior. It seems to be their way of ddealing with it. I found the best way to deal with it was to disregard everything they say. The truth is the truth and nothing he says will alter your thoughts. Keep it to yourself dont share your thoughts with him as he lost that right when he went. You have your son incommon and that is it. I asked Lowly for a list of dates he was having them and he sticks to it. He sometimes tries to thow a pitty party on me but i just change the subject. I understand he will never see myside of things and thats fine by me as he didnt before he left so why on earth would he now he has gone?? Also try to laugh inside if he does come out with silly stuff it helps me! I take pleasure in the fact he can not hurt me anymore:D:D Keep strong and conversations only about your son. Tell him if he deviates that now is not the time to discuss that matter lets get back to the son. Hope this helps Nobby xx
Author blind_otter Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 I need to just not answer the phone and let my answering machine (yes, I am old school like that) pick up the phone. I just have to turn the volume down. When I am having a "wave of rage." Otherwise, like today, when he calls me at 9am whilst driving to his prents after having been on yet another binge drinking episode to act repentant, sad, and repeatedly call himself a loser, I won't end up shouting at him on the phone angrily. Because I guess I do sound like a deranged harpy. It's harder to control your emotions first thing in the morning. well, mine, anyways. I'm so glad he isn't staying here anymore. I used to so love the 48 hour truth serum of his remorse. Now, it's repellant to me. I wonder what finally turned my heart, after all these years? If I knew, I'd write a book and make at least a piddling sum of money...
Lishy Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I have just seen this!!! When did you split up? Wow BO I have been following your story for years! I also seem to remember he was a complete twat before you got pregnant as I remember wondering why you would have a baby with such a man ... I guess it was cos of love I am glad you are away from him even though it is really sad he could not change. BO men never ever take responsibility for what they have done, I have yet to meet a guy who does! Dont expect him to now, be realistoc of what you can excpect from him and dont let him bring you down How are things now? and how did you break up?
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