spookie Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 i accidentally said "i love you" this morning. we were having sex, and he said, tell me you love getting fcvked, and it just slipped. i corrected myself immediately, "i mean, i love getting fxcked," i said... but still, i know it freaked him out a little. he skipped a beat...er...thrust. i am falling in love with him. its making me insecure and needy and lonely where i was never lonely before, and i hate it, but i cant helpo it. but after three months, he hasnt technically asked me to be his gf (tho we were exclusive). and he has said he does not want to get married (which he amended to "for a couple of years" when i probed. and his exgf's friends told me he left her cause he dint want to commit. he makes me happy, and treats me really well. if actions mean more than words, then our r is perfect, as far as i am concerned. but im falling for him... and instead of butterflies, i feel anxiety. i dont want to emotionally invest unless imsure its not a mistake. thiughts?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Spookie, why are you scared? I think 3 months is a good time to officially ask him about " exclusivity" rather than waiting for him to pop the question. Relationship shouldn't make you anxious, they should be stress and care free. The question is, do you want a relationship with him or even a relationship in general? If you want a relationship with him, there are a few raised red flags especially on the issue of commitment. If you want a relationship in general, then ask him, and if he says no, then you walk away and find someone who's ready.
paleblue Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 being he does have commitment issues you could be wasting your time. sorry dont mean to rain on your parade. but there is a history there. i guess you might want to consider finding out sooner than later if he is interested in you or not. i know you cant just stop seeing him at this point since you are falling for him, but it is already making you feel anxiety. you could really wind up hurt down the road if you wait. or you could wait and see if he changes for you but i am of the opinion most people dont change. just my two cents.
D-Lish Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 My thoughts are- rid yourself of the crazy and go with the flow.
ashleigh422 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Things happen.. words slip out.. if he isn't mature enough to discuss it with you, then he probably doesn't care... I can't image having someone say that to me and pretending it didn't happen... it should be the "in" for the convo on where you stand.
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Actually, I don't think you need to say anything to him at the moment. He noticed what you said. He'll be mulling this over at some level. What happens next is the telling point. Just be yourself and do something to take your mind off this whole thing. Go and visit friends or family or take a trip to somewhere. Do this so you won't be weird with him and you won't be watching him to see how he's going to react. Let it sink in with him and let him miss you a bit too. It is scary having someone say they love you if you are not expecting it or if you are not yet in the same place. It doesn't mean he'll never be in that place, just that there is some adjustment time needed. What you did was entirely natural and spontaneous and you have nothing to blame yourself for. If you can't be natural with this man, then what is the point of being with him anyway? He is either going to react positively after a while or start to pull away in ways that will be obvious to you - not being around so often, not responding to calls so rapidly, and so on. Although what you said was inadvertent, you tripped a switch. I think you'll find out soon enough if it switched a light on or off. I hope it works out for you and that he's worthy of your love.
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 i am falling in love with him. its making me insecure and needy and lonely where i was never lonely before, and i hate it, but i cant helpo it. This is why it sucks for men when the women they're screwing "fall in love" with them. Few things are better for a man than a girl who lusts for you but doesn't love you. You get hot sex and none of the clingy, needy mess.
Els Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 'but im falling for him... and instead of butterflies, i feel anxiety. i dont want to emotionally invest unless imsure its not a mistake.' How would you define a mistake, spookie? What do you want, commitment-wise, from a relationship? I honestly think 3 months is far too early to speak of marriage for people of our age (you're 23-25, right? forgot your exact age ).
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