Nikki Sahagin Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I've always thought relationships are a bit of a sham. I always wanted to believe in movies and stories but just felt from an early age it was a construction and not real. I don't easily develop attractions for people either physically, intellectually or emotionally. I am quite naturally cold and easily bored. I love my friends of course and my family but romantically I find it incredibly difficult, even at times unnatural. With my ex I fell madly in love and of course that didn't work out. I'm beginning to think maybe relationships just aren't for me. There's so much pressure to fall in love, get married, have children. I really don't see this in my future anymore. I might be cynical and jaded or I might just be having a realisation about my life. I don't trust any men so I'd rather be alone and occassionally lonely and dissillusioned than out there worrying that i'm being cheated on or lied to or that i'll be left because I honestly think most people will cheat and lie. I don't think this is a jaded view; I think its the real world and the real world isn't nice. There are lots of beautiful things in life but relationships aren't one of them. They are beautiful for a short time and then they become very difficult. I honestly don't know, as much as I sometimes want a relationship, that they are 'right' for me. I would drive any partner mad with suspicion and I would drive myself mad by pretending to be trusting. I know of many 'great' relationships that are all a sham. I think it would devestate me to find out my relationship was rotten at the core. I think with relationships people are battling the tide, hoping their love can stop their partner cheating or lying or hurting them, when it only spurs them on more. I'm starting to think the natural human state is to be polymorous (probably spelt that wrong) and if we perhaps accepted that early, the lying/deceit that often emerges from forced monogamy would end. Where do you guys stand with relationships right now?
teanoranges Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 i always thought relationships were a joke... I always hoped but something inside tells me its just silly dreams. When I met my ex, I thought I was wrong and might as well give it a try. I opened up completely to him (especially after he told me he wants me to come to be more personal with him) only to have him judge me based on my new openness with him!! I never had much faith in males and now even less.... Relationships are as real as they can be, but they will always be fleeting. Love is just a word we use to make the truth of 'lust' sound a little more appealing and meaningful. but its a joke.... it will always end. the grass is always greener... .... but then again, my heart was broken so you never know.
GrayClouds Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Like that disheveled dimwit holding himself up on the last stool of that dimly lit towny bar on the wrong side city running the melancholy mood of the room by blabbing about the should have beens, would have beens, could have beens with a dialect of drunken doggerel and poetic pose. A romantic increasing becomes cynical but rarely truly loose their religion. So let me have my rant, buy me a drink, I will dust myself off , stumble over to that cutie with the British accent standing by the jukebox and, once again give it a go. I may not be a hopeless romantic but still hopeful, specially hith a little help from my good buddy Glenfiddich.
jen_r Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I've always thought relationships are a bit of a sham. I always wanted to believe in movies and stories but just felt from an early age it was a construction and not real. I don't easily develop attractions for people either physically, intellectually or emotionally. I am quite naturally cold and easily bored. I love my friends of course and my family but romantically I find it incredibly difficult, even at times unnatural. With my ex I fell madly in love and of course that didn't work out. I'm beginning to think maybe relationships just aren't for me. There's so much pressure to fall in love, get married, have children. I really don't see this in my future anymore. I might be cynical and jaded or I might just be having a realisation about my life. I don't trust any men so I'd rather be alone and occassionally lonely and dissillusioned than out there worrying that i'm being cheated on or lied to or that i'll be left because I honestly think most people will cheat and lie. I don't think this is a jaded view; I think its the real world and the real world isn't nice. There are lots of beautiful things in life but relationships aren't one of them. They are beautiful for a short time and then they become very difficult. I honestly don't know, as much as I sometimes want a relationship, that they are 'right' for me. I would drive any partner mad with suspicion and I would drive myself mad by pretending to be trusting. I know of many 'great' relationships that are all a sham. I think it would devestate me to find out my relationship was rotten at the core. I think with relationships people are battling the tide, hoping their love can stop their partner cheating or lying or hurting them, when it only spurs them on more. I'm starting to think the natural human state is to be polymorous (probably spelt that wrong) and if we perhaps accepted that early, the lying/deceit that often emerges from forced monogamy would end. Where do you guys stand with relationships right now? I feel like you got in my brain and wrote this. I feel exactly the same way you do. I'm sure alot of people say that, but I honest to god do. Before my recent ex, I had never fallen in love. I would date people but eventually I would get annoyed and brush them off. All my friends would tell me that I would eventually find love, and that it did exsist. When they told me that they loved their SO, I would say "ughh, you don't even know what love is! You just have this small obession with this person and you are confusing it with love." So, I was pretty much known for being anti-love/relationship/loveydovey. My recent ex changed that for me. I actually experienced what everyone was talking about! There was not one thing that he did that annoyed me. I actually loved spending my whole days with him. And, of course, that didn't work out. So, I'm left thinking - I will probably never find another guy who will not annoy me. Quite honestly, I hate men. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. Basically all of my friends are male(weird since I hate guys huh? lol), and I see the way they talk about girls, talk about their girlfriends and it's disgusting. I used to think it was funny, because I didn't care about relationships - but it's not funny. Cheating is not funny, lieing is not funny. Guys are ughhhh. I can't even go to bars in Boston because I see all these frat f**ks and I want to murder them all... Basically, I'll never give my heart to another person. J got it, he broke it, and now its out of commission.
ADF Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 To believe relationships play out the way they do in movies or novels is naive. However, to deny that romantic relationships are real at all is nonsense. I'm sorry to say this, but you sound like a pretty emotionally stunted person who has a hard time feeling empathy, affection or any kind of emotional connection to others. I cannot begin to guess why.
Woggle Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I am the male version and I am married. I don't think I will ever trust another woman after hearing how women talk about their men on this board and seeing utter contempt most women have for the man in their life even if he is loving and faithful. It seems that the love always dies when it comes to women and the better you treat them the more you love them the more they crush your heart. I will never fully open myself up to my wife and if it that causes a divorce so be it because I truly do not care anymore. If we split up I think I can be happy wacking off for life.
kimbop Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I have definitely taken same sh**ty pill of distrust that everyone else in this board seem to have swallowed. I just can't imagine that people exist in the world who consciously hurt the people they claim to love. It's like they have no morals. I don't lie to friends or family so I can't imagine lying to a SO. There's no purpose for it and it only causes havoc in the future. Yes I drank the punch too and the rose colored glasses are permanently off. Are we forming a club?
threebyfate Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Where do you guys stand with relationships right now?I'm really happy in my relationship, preggo and all! There are no guarantees or safe harbours in life, so to me, it's a waste of life when you're unwilling to trust again.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 To believe relationships play out the way they do in movies or novels is naive. However, to deny that romantic relationships are real at all is nonsense. I'm sorry to say this, but you sound like a pretty emotionally stunted person who has a hard time feeling empathy, affection or any kind of emotional connection to others. I cannot begin to guess why. I wouldn't say I am stunted, just selective. If I love someone I give my all but I definately think I am in many ways a lone ranger who likes my seclusion.
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