angelj Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) I posted about this guy last month sometime... Either way, its pretty clear things are over. We live an hour away from each other, he came on super strong...relationship serious exclusive talk early on...had an amazing first date that extended into the next day...told his friends and family about me...but never secured a second date. Yes he may be an hour away and work 9 days out of the month (which = conflicting schedules) but 9 x out of 10, working on his new house, working on his boat or drinking scotch with his buddies always factored in before me. I invited him to an NBA game (on me) and his response was oh that would be great I would love to go if I don't have to work! I had to finally REMIND him about the game a week later because tickets were being purchased and his response was "oh I'll let you know by today" I didn't hear from him until 10 pm the following evening. By that time I had forgotten about him. His response: "hey cutie, I am so sorry I forgot to tell you I am actually working the 18th. So sowwyy" Really? I wasn't born last night. Regardless of if he actually forgot, if I was as much a priority as he was on my things to do list, I would've had an answer the first week I asked. I was pretty pissed so I responded the next day and said, "ahh, well your loss. I would've appreciated a response a bit sooner however" to which he instantly responded with "I am so sorry I meant to tell you sooner I am so sorry" I finally wrote back and said "its cool. Just making sure we are on the same page!" and he said "yup" and that was it. That was a few days ago. I Guess I am ranting because the first 4 weeks of talking were intense and completely initiated by him. He even found me via social networking sites after we had a 2 day fling at my best friends wedding a year ago...that he was in on the groom's side. Good morning texts...pouring the compliments on...so excited for me to relocate next month because I will be closer to him...which turned into I wish we were hanging out...to backing off with texting...to texting me hammered about being vulgar in the bedroom with me...hammered = drinking almost an entire handle of scotch and I am going to take a good guess and say he did that alone. I frequently joked about how we never get together and he always replied with a "but you're working...but I wish I was there...but I wish I didn't have to work" I wish, I wish, I wish...really? I even game him an open invite on another night when he had been drinking and texting me to mention how I was house sitting and he was welcome to stop by and visit and he said it sounded amazing. what did he end up doing that weekend? shooting pool and getting hammered with his buddies. Do we sense a drinking problem here? I guess his age and accomplishments imply that he is far more mature than he really is. I think hes just a drunk douche bag that hasn't healed from his previous 2 year relationship that was headed for marriage until she broke his heart. Could I have perhaps been a quick rebound? Beyond pissed. Edited March 13, 2010 by angelj
Barky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I might have to take some lessons from this guy. How old is he?
Lucky555 Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 wow. I think u need to move on. This guy is not taking things too seriously. Hes not being too involved with you either. What a waste of time. Its sad to see people do this...its too bad he was not honest and said he doesnt want to invest much of himself in this relationship....i think the exclusivity was just for sex. He really doesn't sound like he wants more. I feel for you i am currently recovering from having my heart broken from a guy that did that same as yours...had the exclusivity talk...then he didn't want to invest much time. He was always "too busy" as the guy you describe. IN the beginning the guy was not busy...he said he would make time. but obviously it was just to see what he could get.
sagetalk Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sounds like you have the hots for him pretty bad. If this kind of behavior didn't work, men wouldn't do it. It works. You think about him constantly, and he just goes about his regular life having fun. If you want men to stop treating you like this, then you have to start dropping them when they do. I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.
LovelyDaze Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 This guys sounds like my last dating disaster. He was an old schoolmate that saw me on FB & asked to be added as a friend. We admitted that we never really talked in school..just kind of knew OF each other, you know. So we start dating and he lays it on thick with the multiple texts,calls, e-mails and FB posts to make me smile and/or laugh. Then when I start agreeing that we should take things to the next level(i.e. exclusivity, sex, not dating others, etc) he backs clean off by saying he's busy doing this or that during the weekend. We never got to have sex but my emotions did slowly start to get involved and that's when I realized I had to end it quickly. Silly games are for kids. When someone shows you who they are..believe them.
mortensorchid Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sounds like he's a real Player. I was with one of those not too long ago. Whole thing lasted six weeks, then he slowly but surely backed off. I took him to a party to meet my friends and I was so excited about it because he seemed to get on with everyone and blended in when so many before got all uptight and intimidated by my friends that they ran away or turned their noses up to them. Then, nothing from him. Life is too short honey. Unfriend / delete him from your life and move on.
tami-chan Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sorry you are going through this...but don't be "pissed" anymore...like your signature-"let go". Some people are courageous enough to tell us the real deal, others just hope that they will not be asked to explain and therefore just sort of, "disappear" and still others treat this whole dating thing like a game. I am not an expert on dating ( very far from it, actually)...but I would just chuck it to his loss for not getting to know you better! So, your attitude should be "Next!".
LovelyDaze Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sorry you are going through this...but don't be "pissed" anymore...like your signature-"let go". Some people are courageous enough to tell us the real deal, others just hope that they will not be asked to explain and therefore just sort of, "disappear" and still others treat this whole dating thing like a game. I am not an expert on dating ( very far from it, actually)...but I would just chuck it to his loss for not getting to know you better! So, your attitude should be "Next!". tami-chan, you(or any of us!) may not be a dating expert, but that reply was just about perfect! I think dates and/or exes disappear with little to no explanation because they DO know that they are not being fair. It takes guts to tell someone how you feel whether it is negative or positive. If anyone you date chooses to leave their spine in the dresser drawer at home, forget about them. All we dumpees should understand is that the dumper/disappear artist made a CHOICE to leave us and that should be that. Ball is in their court. When they get the courage to admit what happened and that they honestly want to work on things with the dumpee, then perhaps you can give it a shot if you feel they are being genuine. Just be mindful of any red flags.
Author angelj Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 Ah! Yes! You guys are all so awesome! This rant brought on the responses I was looking for! I can't thank you enough. I agree with everything each person said. I just needed a few days to be pissed off. Girls (and possibly guys alike) may agree that once in a while you realllly get your hopes up and when you realize its not going as planned, you feel a bit angry. I definitely did not waste time dwelling on this dude. I definitely did get sucked in rather fast and totally had the hots for him, but I overlooked some red flags. I guess we are all guilty of that once in a while. I was glad I told him his loss about the game and then deleted his phone number. I turned my phone off this weekend and spent some great time with my brother's family and my best friend and myself. It felt good to step out of the box and realize I had something unhealthy brewing and it felt really good that I recognized it early enough before it got dragged on for a few more months... Those types of relationships are totally toxic. It is a shame, however its just another speed bump in the road of dating. Speaking of coming out with genuine feelings - an ex that totally crushed me a few years ago popped up out of the woodwork the other day with some serious, heavy feelings and apologies that were extremely genuine and sincere. It was nice to instead hear "Im sorry" to hear I made some bad judgment calls in the past and looking back now from where I am in my life, I realized that my intentions were always good for you even though it did not seem that way. I can't apologize to change anything but I truly am sorry" I'll post about this guy eventually, its something interesting to think about and I would like to share it with the Loveshack family - simply because I think some others may have gone through something similar and may have some insight or feelings. But the reason I brought THAT up was to say that "Im Sorry" and "I love you" are words that end up sounding so empty sometimes because they are often tossed around and toyed with, lacking any meaning whatsoever. Just like the "Im sorrys" and "I wishes" and "I miss you" from the guy I mentioned above. Over the anger, just had to get mad. Getting angry is a good thing, its one step away from being sad and depressed and one step closer to being happy and healed Thanks again, I greatly appreciate all input from anyone willing to share. Very surprised and pleased with the responses...you guys rock.
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