minniemouse88 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 i've been with my bf for 6 months now. everything in our relationship is seemingly perfect and in general i had full trust in him...but a couple months ago while borrowing his laptop (with his permission), i noticed some history of porn sights. i didn't think much of it at first, it's pretty normal for guys to look at porn. but of course this sparked my curiosity about what kinds of stuff he was looking at. i started sneaking on to his comp more and more, and now im uncovering stuff that i DONT want to see. for example, an huge file with hundreds of pictures of naked girls. not even like porn-star celebrity girls, but just average looking young, naked girls holding cameras up in their bathrooms, that sort of thing. which makes me wonder if these are girls that he meets in chatrooms or other online networking sites, or knows them in real life. i found some topless pics of his ex-girlfriend which were sent to him WHILE we were together. he looks at this stuff pretty much every day. i'm really confused, hurt, and i get sick to my stomach every time i think about this. aside from this, he's never done anything to make me distrust him. i love him so much but i don't know what to do....i don't have any physical evidence of him cheating but i'm scared that any time now something like that will come up. what do you guys think? anyone have a similar experience?
germain Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I doubt he is cheating - there isn't enough evidence to say so. I think the pictures and him looking at them fairly regularly is perfectly normal (doubtful he knows any of them personally). Pictures of his ex? That's debatable, but I wouldn't consider it a sign of his infidelity, unless you know for a fact he received them after you guys started dating and you weren't aware she had done this until now. If that is the case, I would consider asking him about the photos of her, but also realize you are snooping, something he may not take so lightly. (Stop checking his laptop!)
nowomanocry Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 i've been with my bf for 6 months now. everything in our relationship is seemingly perfect and in general i had full trust in him...but a couple months ago while borrowing his laptop (with his permission), i noticed some history of porn sights. i didn't think much of it at first, it's pretty normal for guys to look at porn. but of course this sparked my curiosity about what kinds of stuff he was looking at. i started sneaking on to his comp more and more, and now im uncovering stuff that i DONT want to see. for example, an huge file with hundreds of pictures of naked girls. not even like porn-star celebrity girls, but just average looking young, naked girls holding cameras up in their bathrooms, that sort of thing. which makes me wonder if these are girls that he meets in chatrooms or other online networking sites, or knows them in real life. i found some topless pics of his ex-girlfriend which were sent to him WHILE we were together. he looks at this stuff pretty much every day. i'm really confused, hurt, and i get sick to my stomach every time i think about this. aside from this, he's never done anything to make me distrust him. i love him so much but i don't know what to do....i don't have any physical evidence of him cheating but i'm scared that any time now something like that will come up. what do you guys think? anyone have a similar experience? That's typical malish conduct luv lol I had the same on my comp but never cheated on my girlfriend Don't worry, leave his taplop alone lol - Rather try to sense if there anything wrong when you guys r together....(Real life togetherness). In my opinion, the more you leave the person you love alone the longer the r/s lasts... Trusting hun, it all about trust. Trust yourself & stop making fusses out of nothing TC xx
Karri Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 i found some topless pics of his ex-girlfriend which were sent to him WHILE we were together. he looks at this stuff pretty much every day. If he's accepted inappropriate pictures of his ex girlfriend while you were together, that is already cheating. He may be upset that you were snooping through his things, but you have every right to tell him your concerns if he's still looking at pictures from previous girlfriends. Always follow your gut, if you feel there's something wrong, there probably is.
jujubeesbeth Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 why do guys do this? i think that chatting and web-camming is like cheating and it ruined my marriage because my ex would not stop. he chose that life of flirting and fantasy over the real life he had with me and our two kids. it breaks my heart, and i feel for you.
MadMission Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I made the mistake 25 years ago of chalking up my bf's porn usage to...'all guys do it'....'it's harmless', despite the fact that it did bother me. I did discuss it with my bf. He insisted he wasn't going to stop...and, yup, had that 'all guys do it' mentality. I loved him and tolerated it which was pretty easy given he was very private about it. Fast forward to today...married for 23 yr and 3 kids later...my entire life since I was 17 with this man. His porn usage had a progressive aspect where 'simple' porn was not 'doing it' for him anymore. He began viewing more and more perverse and fringe porn. Over the course of many years, he slowly evolved into requiring the fantasy porn world and his own imagination to get sexual satisfaction. Evenutally, he had a long term affair with a co-worker which really was just an extension of his secret porn abuse crossing over into real flesh as opposed to flat images on a screen. It was just more of the same...fantasy. I always knew he likely continued to view porn...cause 'all guys do it.' But, I had NO IDEA how perverse and addicted he became...that he then NEEDED it...and the ways in which it pulled him away from me and our M. Real sex/intimacy with a real woman didn't do it for him anymore. He was an excellent manipulator and actor and had me fooled into believing we had a good, intimate M. But, he had developed a secret life...of fetishes/crossdressing/a LTA/S&D...which all started with the 'harmless' 'normal' habit of viewing porn. I am not suggesting that all men who view porn eventually become sex addicts. I wouldn't have believed it could happen to my H. But, it did. And between his LTA and continued porn abuse...it has been impossible to repair or restore our M. I have been with him since I was 17. I loved him. He was 'it' for me. I cannot go back in time...to 1985...and follow my gut...the way I should have...and broken up with him while we were dating. Who knows how my life would have played out. But, I could have had my kids with anyone. And, maybe I would be in an enduring, emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a man who mutually loves, cares, cherishes, and desires me. I will never know.
ADF Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Your BF's problem is not that he's a cheater. Your BF's problem is he has an insecure, controlling GF who has no respect for his privacy. STOP SNOOPING. GROW UP. This is a free country. As long as we are not commiting any crimes, what we choose to look at is our own business.
make me believe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 If he is receiving topless/naked pics of his ex while you two are together then he is probably doing even more than that with her, too. OR even if he's not, it's INCREDIBLY inappropriate and disrespectful to you!!! The 100s of naked pics of random girls is creepy and kinda weird (esp since he looks at it everyday), but technically not cheating. The pics of girl(s) that he knows in real life, and has dated, and has slept with is NOT OK. You should confront him about that. He will most likely get pissed at your snooping and try to deflect the issue onto you, and the snooping was wrong, BUT it doesn't make the stuff that you found ok. Honestly, if my bf was accepting & looking at naked pics of his ex, I would dump him.
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