lora22 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Here's the deal; I'll try to be brief: I have a BF, relatively new relationship. In a couple weeks one of my guy friends (we briefly had a FWB thing going on years ago, but I decided it wasn't for me and ended that aspect of the relationship) is coming to town for a weekend & wants to meet up. Our initial conversation took place via text message. He texted me b/c I hadn't replied to his text saying that he was coming (I never received it). He told me when he was coming, but otherwise wasn't forthcoming with details (like why/what he was doing, and who he was coming with - we have a lot of mutual friends, so I was curious if it was anyone I knew). We spoke again about it online a day or 2 ago. He brought it up, saying something like he wants to meet up, but is worried my BF might hate him. I didn't make the connection that he meant b/c we had hooked up (it was so long ago, and it was such a tiny aspect of our relationship) and was like why would he hate you? You're so amicable and easy-going. To which my friend relied "I guess he doesn't know our past, so he wouldn't." I told him that my BF does know that we had hooked up at one point. My friend then mentioned that a woman he's hooked up with (that I knew about; he told me about it when it was going on) will be there also, but only during the day. He said "So this could be all sorts of interesting" and said that he definitely wants to meet up whenever I'm available, whether that be grabbing lunch, meeting up for a drink Saturday night, etc. However, now I'm a little wary about this situation. I honestly don't see why there would be or should be any drama...but the fact that my friend brought this up.....? I don't know what to do anymore. Also, for the record, my friend and I have known each other for years, have many mutual friends, and are in the exact same field and have many similar interests, so those things are generally what our conversations are about.
marsle85 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 It sounds like to me that you have little reason to see him. You aren't friends--and the only reason you should be meeting up with him is because you're friends. Sounds like trouble to me. Goodluck!
Author lora22 Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 It sounds like to me that you have little reason to see him. You aren't friends--and the only reason you should be meeting up with him is because you're friends. Sounds like trouble to me. Goodluck! I say we are friends...he says we are friends.... Why do you think we aren't friends? Like your sig, btw.
Rearden Metal Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 It sounds like to me that you have little reason to see him. You aren't friends--and the only reason you should be meeting up with him is because you're friends. Sounds like trouble to me. Goodluck! +1 Seems like if you were to bump into one another, or attended the same function, that should be fine. But making plans to see each other is pointless.
Author lora22 Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 +1 Seems like if you were to bump into one another, or attended the same function, that should be fine. But making plans to see each other is pointless. Why do you not think we are friends? More info about our relationship: We went to the same college, where we had the same major, and so had many classes together. We both also were sports writers for our school paper. Our freshman year we lived in the same dorm, and therefore became friends with each other, and with many of the same people. We are both still friends with almost all of those people. Geographically we lived very near to each other, and every summer when we weren't in school, he and I and a ton of other friends got together at least once a week, and also went on weekend trips together. This continued after college, though less frequently (once or twice a month, on average, sometimes more often). After college he and I and some other friends joined a community intramural softball team. He and I got our masters from different universities, but the same field. He and I both have the same job, as well as similar interests, and we still have the same mutual friends from college. A few months ago I moved to another state, so we haven't seen each other recently (ditto with my other friends). However, my friends are still where he is, and my sister is also. Once I am settled in with my move and job, and have become a little more socially established where I am, I will be visiting occasionally (my sister and I are very close). He and I still talk via phone, text or online fairly frequently (as I do with all my other friends). There are probably other things that I am forgetting... But I would say that we are definitely friends.
Kamille Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 So the plan would be that your bf, this guy and another friend would meet up? I seriously don't see why there should be any drama. Did you talk to your bf about this? How does he feel about meeting this guy? Does he have any qualms? As long as your bf and you are on the same page about the meeting, nothing this guy pulls should cause drama.
Author lora22 Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 So the plan would be that your bf, this guy and another friend would meet up? I seriously don't see why there should be any drama. Yeah, basically some variation of that. If it were lunch, probably it would be the 4 of us, or maybe just the 3 of us (minus the other girl). If it were drinks, it would be the 3 of us, maybe the other girl, and definitely several other people. Possibly, if b/f were okay with it and didn't want to do lunch, I would meet my friend alone for lunch, or with the other people my friend is going with. I don't think I would go drinking without my b/f (even though other people would be there), if that were the only option. Did you talk to your bf about this? How does he feel about meeting this guy? Does he have any qualms? As long as your bf and you are on the same page about the meeting, nothing this guy pulls should cause drama. I haven't mentioned it to my b/f yet, simply because this weekend isn't coming up for a few weeks, so we're not trying to make set plans right now. My b/f is the type who would just say "okay" and wonder why I was bringing it up right now. B/f is not the jealous type. If I asked him if he was comfortable with me meeting up with my friend (if bf didn't want to come) alone, he would probably tease me for making it a bigger deal than it is. I'm a little concerned that my friend brought up the possibility that any of this would result in drama...turned me off a little... I'm not sure if he meant his comment innocently, or just teasingly maybe...but really made me think "why would there be an issue, unless you made a pass at me?" Makes me question if my friend feels a little possessive or something.
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