Jump to content

cant go intothe day by day routine....feeling like i lost my best friend and more

sadheart2010

By sadheart2010
in Coping

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

sadheart2010 Member

sadheart2010

Posted
Posted

Hello ,

 

i actually posted a thread about my situation on here but let me give you a short cut of it again.

 

4 weeks ago my so called Ex ended up the relationship of 15 months during a fight.The fight wasnt this bad,but since he cant handle big conflicts he rather runs away instead of facing it somehow.Usually he comes back or is willingto talk after a few days but this time it came out differently.

 

Ive tried to contact him twice with an email two calls and some text messages and even jumped over my pride and apologized my part.I did that during the first 3 weeks but he didnt respond to me.Now since one week iam doing nothing.

 

Since we been spending every weekend together and he texted and called me everyday and said that me and his mother r the only people he talking to mostly,i wonder how cruel it is just to kick me into the curb like this.

 

Fact is also that two people belong to a fight and a few months ago when we used to have a fight i sent him home.He understood this as a break up and texted me two days later on "iam ending this here....."

 

So i emailed him 3 days later on a beautiful email by telling him that he is the guy i wanna spend my life with...day after he contacted me and was ready to talk and we made it up and he changed the last 4-5 months.

 

He even booked a trip with me end of march and made future plans and same day when we had this fight 4 weeks ago he even said that he loves me very much.

 

 

Anyways ive done alot of thinking the last weeks and i realized that he did this run away scenerio to me and also his family members.

He also told me a while ago that he doesnt know why he is pushing people away from his life that he cares about.So i supported him and told him that i will be patient etc.

 

I always reached my hand for him and now i just feel like crap.

He wasnt too needy but the only thing that touching me is we built up a great friendship and i usually been always able to count on him.

 

I started to read books and foun done that describes his behaviour.

People that are scared of relationships that grow tend to end them out of the blue.The are scared somehow that they will loose themselves in it and deep inside they rather end up things sooner -so they cant get hurt more.

 

People like me shouldnt even blame themselves fully because we kind of got into that circle where we invest alot of energy and depend on that someones moods in a way.

 

 

I tell myself everyday that i have to do this and that but its hard and iam even thinking of going to a psychologist.I went once out and hit the gym a few times,but cant focus on other very important things...its like whatever to me.

 

 

I love him and i know he loves me in his own way but i realized also i cant force anyone to contact me or to fight for this relationship.

I changed the position of my furniture in my apprt. since he was always here .

I try to do little things so i cant think of him alot but it is barely working.

 

All i wanted was after such a long intensive relationship that he tells me at least why etc.But i was not even worth it.....he rather runs away.

 

I know that this will be hard but i dont understand this all and iam kind of feeling numb.I dont even know how to force myself to do other things.

 

I feel like my best friend and man i love stabbed my back.

  • Author
sadheart2010 Member

sadheart2010

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Oh boy this is crazy....but iam sticking to my NC.....day 9 is comn soon since i didnt send out any email or whatever else....but didnt hear from him 4 weeks :-(

 

That dumper wont destroy who iam though and iam getting stronger day by day.

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

You just have to force yourself. I have a 21 month old son, so I am FORCED to do what I have to do.

 

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. I find that doing housework is the best to get my mind off things. Scrub your tile grout with a toothbrush. Clean your fridge.

 

I also started gardening when my son's father moved out late last year. I really like it, and found out I am quite good at it. And the veggies taste good.

  • Author
sadheart2010 Member

sadheart2010

Posted
  • Author
Posted

hey blind-otter,

 

i will force myself to hit the gym tomorrow and to do some work that i have to.

I know what you are talking about with forcing myself.

Its not easy and we all know it ,but iam sticking to my NC and will try to do new things also to keep my mind off that weirdo :-)

 

thankyou

nobmagnet Established Member

nobmagnet

Posted
Posted
hey blind-otter,

 

i will force myself to hit the gym tomorrow and to do some work that i have to.

I know what you are talking about with forcing myself.

Its not easy and we all know it ,but iam sticking to my NC and will try to do new things also to keep my mind off that weirdo :-)

 

thankyou

wirdo.......hee hee they so are!:mad:

 

 

one day at a time. and one minute to next aswell, its the pits love. however i would never ever squash your pain as we have all been and some still here are there..........but talking and sharing on here......it wil do no harm and will help inth long run i m Nobby. I am happy. i would like to help you to be happy too.:love:

 

nobby xx

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

It comes in waves, in my experience. At first it's like the waves are pouding one after the other with no end. But after a while you notice longer and longer periods of time where he doesn't cross your mind, and you aren't filled with either regret or anger or whatever emotion.

 

Sometimes, it takes my breath away, and I just have to stop and sit down and breathe deep. But the thing is to stay busy. Don't stil and ponder too much. Do good for yourself, and you will heal yourself faster, but in a natural way.

 

Oh, but when it hurts it does hurt. So I know how you feel. But I think if you can go through this pain without hurting other people, you come out the other end a better person.

  • Author
sadheart2010 Member

sadheart2010

Posted
  • Author
Posted

hello nobby and blind_otter,

 

well everyday when i wake up i kind of ask myself how can someone end up everything out of the blue.After i read alot of books i kind of found one that described him in a way.Some people are deep inside so scared of commitment that first they agree and do whatever it takes to be with the other person,but the more intensive it gets they kind of get scared.Only one conflict can lead to a break up in their case and some dont even regret it.

 

 

However i had 4 weeks to think about the whys and also about the bad things he did.I think and know that i deserve a true friend in a man that i can count on.And not someone that is running away from conflicts and ignoring me/leaving me in the dark.

 

Can you imagine how i felt when i didnt know for 4 days if its over or not and all i got was a Status change from his side and deleteing our picture on a public internet page that actually only me is using.

 

 

I dont know why but i still feel like there is so much i would like to tell him ,because of the fact that we spent alot of good times together and i dont think that he doesnt love me.

 

On the other hand i stop myself everyday from writing anything because he doesnt even deserve this after such a weird treatment toward me.

 

3 days after they fight ive told him that even if he scared me with his behaviour and even if its over i still would appreciate a conversation with him.I tried my best to get at least one clearing conversation,but i was not even worth it.

 

Many people told me that by doing the NC he will also come to realization what he had on me.Iam not sure if that will happen or not ,but iam not his therapist and i dont know what he is thinking in his brain.

 

I just think its easier for some people to blame the other person and leave....and some dont even have a bad conscious about it...and that is what i call psycho in a way :-)

 

Today ill do a few things,actually will force myself to do them.

 

I hope that one day i will be able not to think about him and what he caused to me.

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

I'm staying with my mom right now, which is good and bad. She makes me get up every day and whenever I start talking about him she cuts me off and says "NO, this is a new life, now. You can't let yourself dwell on him at all." And she makes me change the subject.

 

I feel better, actually hanging out with her (strangely enough). My friends are all about talking about my ex and what happened blah blah blah. But it seems like the more I talk about it, the more it bothers me.

 

I think there is another element to NC - not just not contact them in the real world, but also constantly forcing yourself to turn your thoughts away from them, too. It takes hard work at first, but it gets easier.

 

Think of it as re-training your brain, or breaking a bad habit. You could even wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you find yourself thinking about him. Just to remind yourself physically that you should not be focusing on him...

  • Author
sadheart2010 Member

sadheart2010

Posted
  • Author
Posted

yeah i understand what you are saying blind otter.

 

I talk to my mother everyday and we even realized that my Exes actions arent normal and that he has some psyche issues after all i know about him.So we kind of talked it out and i try to move on without talking about it with too many people.There is actually not much to understand beside of the fact that i have to focus on me myself and I.

 

I was only wondering how can a man cry and tell me he doesnt want to loose me and that iam his biggest love.Then day before fight ,actually on V-day getting me a nice gift and telling me again how much he loves me.....but day later we have an arguement and he was actually the one which scared me with his physic when he came too close to me....and then he even blaming me that i got scared and told him that ill call police if he will come any closer.

 

I tell myself no conflict in the world and person can destroy true love between two people and it is so easy to talk.I feel like i always gave him chances to talk to me or even if he wasnt speaking i somehow managed that we had peace.

 

He even booked a ticket for us end of march for a short trip and he still has stuff here which i put away.Its kindergarten and i know it but i cannot change this situation.

 

Even right now i feel like texting him and writing him "hey so are u happy with what u achieved" but then i would just feel weak and bad.

  • Author
sadheart2010 Member

sadheart2010

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I did a mistake.Since i wasnt able to ever express myself fully to him via conversation i texted him that i know that iam not important to him now since he rather talking to foreigners online instead of contacting me once after a month.I also let him know that ive been in the hospital while he felt bad and was there but he isnt there for me while he knows that iam not doing good health wise.

I wrote that i cant force him to support me or love me and that i believe that he was probably ACTINg like an actor ...lol...so i wished him alot of fun with his online games....where he can tell people how great he is.I said its a joke that women he doesnt know online are more important to him than a woman which loves him...thats sick.

 

 

BUT THEY FUNNY THING ABOUT THIS ALL IS-I FEEL GREAT!!!ITS LIKE I LET THINGS OFF MY CHEST AND SOMEHOW I DONT REALLY REGRET IT!

 

I LET THIS COWARD KNOW WHAT I THINK NOW AND IAM DONE!

 

YES MY READERS IAM DONE AND IAM HITTING THE GYM TODAY AND WILL STUDY TODAY ALSO:-)

 

I PROMISED MYSELF THAT NEXT TIME I WILL BE AWARE OF SOME SIGNS AND WONT BE TOO PATIENT ANYMORE.I THINK LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

 

 

I hope that ill find a man one day that will value and love me without running away when a conflict appears.

Edited by sadheart2010
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...