Author Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 Did it ever cross your mind that people aren't constantly looking for sexual partners 100% of the time they set foot out in public? You're missing the point, as usual. I'm not saying that men or women are constantly looking for sexual partners, I'm saying that 1) Women expect to be largely in control of whether sex happens with any given man, 2) This control consists of them saying Yes or No to the constant requests for sex that they get throughout their lives, and 3) Even if the woman plans to say 'No,' she is rejected if she's not even given the chance to do that. It makes logical sense. If the woman says No to a man's proposition, he is rejected. If the man doesn't bother putting forth the proposition in the first place, she is rejected. Y'all are taking this way too concretely. I know you're not intellectuals but is there anyone here who can think of this abstractly in almost mathematical terms and discuss it with me at that level?
2sunny Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 You're missing the point, as usual. I'm not saying that men or women are constantly looking for sexual partners, I'm saying that 1) Women expect to be largely in control of whether sex happens with any given man, 2) This control consists of them saying Yes or No to the constant requests for sex that they get throughout their lives, and 3) Even if the woman plans to say 'No,' she is rejected if she's not even given the chance to do that. It makes logical sense. If the woman says No to a man's proposition, he is rejected. If the man doesn't bother putting forth the proposition in the first place, she is rejected. Y'all are taking this way too concretely. I know you're not intellectuals but is there anyone here who can think of this abstractly in almost mathematical terms and discuss it with me at that level? you are making way too many assumptions and broad brush strokes for me to be useful to you. go back and read my earlier post. stop jumping to conclusions and making assumptions! this isn't helping you to view things logically. and stop assuming i'm not a logical thinker - i am! go - do it - without the premise of picking someone up or trying to be picked up. see what you notice - you might be surprised that not everyone is there for the same reason as what you have assumed. open your mind.
sweetjasmine Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 If the man doesn't bother putting forth the proposition in the first place, she is rejected. Only if the woman is interested and wants a proposition in the first place. Or is it a rejection that the dude who was walking down the street didn't ask me out even though I have no idea who he is and even though his existence is completely irrelevant to me? I don't expect people to proposition me as a default. I don't take it as an insult when they don't. The only time I actually consider it rejection is if I want something, try to ask someone out myself, and get a "no". This isn't hard to understand. You asked a question about how women feel and are getting answers that don't fit your preconceived notions. Better move on to telling us that we're all wrong about how we feel...: Y'all are taking this way too concretely. I know you're not intellectuals but is there anyone here who can think of this abstractly in almost mathematical terms and discuss it with me at that level? lol, that's one way to do it, buddy. "You're all too stupid" tends to work better than "you're all lying".
Author Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 Thanks for the responses guys! I didn't phrase my original question in a way that could give me any useful answers. My bad.
marsle85 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 1) Women expect to be largely in control of whether sex happens with any given man, 2) This control consists of them saying Yes or No to the constant requests for sex that they get throughout their lives, and 3) Even if the woman plans to say 'No,' she is rejected if she's not even given the chance to do that. I don't think it's wrong to assume women expect to be in control of whether sex happens... but men have and should expect the very same control. Whether the criteria is different on pursuing that is different, doesn't change the fact that the partners play on an equal playing field. I don't really understand (just wish for you to elaborate) why you think women are automatically rejected even if they haven't been asked. Isn't that a broad statement?
Author Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 Like I said, I didn't explain the original question correctly, as I didn't have it formulated in my mind completely yet. I thought that by posting sort of the half-baked idea here I could get responses that would clarify it, and that just didn't happen. Too much to ask. Thanks though.
marsle85 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Like I said, I didn't explain the original question correctly, as I didn't have it formulated in my mind completely yet. I thought that by posting sort of the half-baked idea here I could get responses that would clarify it, and that just didn't happen. Too much to ask. Thanks though. No way man! Ask your questions... i'm all yours. I'll try my very best to clarify.
Kamille Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 not always but if shes smart she will Very true. If a woman is interested and knows how to play this game, she will give out signals. If I give out signals and get ignored, I rarely feel offended. There could be so many reasons for the brush off. Plus, most guys are very nice and even flirtatious, even when "rejecting" a woman. Gentlemen. I love men. You're missing the point, as usual. I'm not saying that men or women are constantly looking for sexual partners, I'm saying that 1) Women expect to be largely in control of whether sex happens with any given man, 2) This control consists of them saying Yes or No to the constant requests for sex that they get throughout their lives, and 3) Even if the woman plans to say 'No,' she is rejected if she's not even given the chance to do that. It makes logical sense. If the woman says No to a man's proposition, he is rejected. If the man doesn't bother putting forth the proposition in the first place, she is rejected. Y'all are taking this way too concretely. I know you're not intellectuals but is there anyone here who can think of this abstractly in almost mathematical terms and discuss it with me at that level? Aristotle reported that the mark of a true philosopher was his capacity to be clear and understood by all. But, all right, I am sorry my poor little women brain isn't capable of logical thinking and refuses your very intellectual and insightful approach to the question of trying to get even with women (who are so passive and such objects). But still, your logical mathematical conclusion (3) isn't the only logical conclusion to the set up (1) and (2). Sure, some women might feel rejected if they aren't paid any mind by a good looking man (which I am sure you must be), but they could also possibly (and most likely), assume that if no interaction occurs, then no rejection was possible. If you really want to hurt women so bad, flirt with them and then tell them you're just not that into them once they start flirting back. Good luck.
stillafool Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 its only strange and cofusing when she wanted the man to hit on her and she was giving of the signals for him to do so Thank you! That is why you are Alphamale, you're the only male that 'gets it'.
stillafool Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Does it ever occur to you that perhaps this woman in the bar justs wants a drink and to be left alone to her thoughts. Probably more women would like to go in a bar for a drink but fear they can't "just have a drink" without some guy approaching them. Therefore she would be grateful unless of course she wanted and gave him signals for his attention.
calizaggy Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Does it ever occur to you that perhaps this woman in the bar justs wants a drink and to be left alone to her thoughts. Probably more women would like to go in a bar for a drink but fear they can't "just have a drink" without some guy approaching them. Therefore she would be grateful unless of course she wanted and gave him signals for his attention. So women go to a bar to be left alone, lol..That makes no logical sense. I can't imagine wanting to be "left alone" so I go where lots of people are drinking..
stillafool Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 . It makes logical sense. If the woman says No to a man's proposition, he is rejected. If the man doesn't bother putting forth the proposition in the first place, she is rejected. Yes, but only if she has shown him that she wants him and he does not respond, then she feels rejected. Otherwise, he is just another goodlooking guy.
stillafool Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 So women go to a bar to be left alone, lol..That makes no logical sense. I can't imagine wanting to be "left alone" so I go where lots of people are drinking.. No, not usually. But, if they did most would feel that they couldn't, because the wouldn't be left alone. I've been in airport bars and didn't want to be bothered and it just doesn't happen.
gypsy_nicky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I agree looks matter. But they matter for everyone. Women don't only dress up for men. In my opinion, women dress up primarily to maintain their position in their social circles (that means they dress up to impress other women and men - but not necessarily to land a man). There's a huge difference in that. My sense of fashion says more about what social group I belong too than about my desire to attract a mate on a specific night. And I don't understand why the guys here want to hang on to a scenario where they can "hurt" women simply by ignoring them. I believe all the women here who say they wouldn't notice or, if they did, wouldn't take offense. Most women aren't as vain as the op would like to believe we are. And no, sorry to break it to you, most women aren't constantly on the prowl. Most of the time, we're just doing our thing. This thread is doomed because it touches on a central issue regarding women. A central issue that for most women is tied down to their egos-their looks. Women impress other women to maintain a one up for a competition against men. how about saying that the way you dress maintains your social position but at the same time is also used to signal to men you wish to attract in the same circle. The Op was not talking about hurting women when men ignore them. Its just that a matter of fact that most of women's social lives are centered on her looks (we can say that this is social construct but is also a biological incentive). Men generally won't care about dating a woman if she had a Phd, a doctorate or if she was a janitor-as long as she meets the criteria for being attractive enough.
gypsy_nicky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Real power doesn't come from predatory or self-leveraging behaviour, off of others. Maybe one day, you'll figure this out but I won't hold my breath about it. yes it does but not entirely. How you do it also plays a role. Also there are numerous concepts for power.
gypsy_nicky Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 its only strange and cofusing when she wanted the man to hit on her and she was giving of the signals for him to do so but what the OP is talking about is a an attractive woman (whose looks are central to her identity) being ignored by a handsome stranger.
stillafool Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 This thread is doomed because it touches on a central issue regarding women. A central issue that for most women is tied down to their egos-their looks. Women impress other women to maintain a one up for a competition against men. how about saying that the way you dress maintains your social position but at the same time is also used to signal to men you wish to attract in the same circle. The Op was not talking about hurting women when men ignore them. Its just that a matter of fact that most of women's social lives are centered on her looks (we can say that this is social construct but is also a biological incentive). Men generally won't care about dating a woman if she had a Phd, a doctorate or if she was a janitor-as long as she meets the criteria for being attractive enough. I swear I do not dress for a man unless I am going out with him. Even when I was single. I find most men don't care about fashion they just want you to be clean and your hair looking nice. If you are pretty they don't care about your clothes anyway. I'll admit I was always one who dressed for myself and my gfs who like clothes. We actually dress for each other because a man doesn't appreciate your clothes and accessories the way another woman does. I guess it is the way men are with "gadgets" and their friends. Men most certainly do care about a woman's education and do discrimate. I don't see too many doctors and lawyers trying to date the 7/11 cashier.
stillafool Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 but what the OP is talking about is a an attractive woman (whose looks are central to her identity) being ignored by a handsome stranger. Goodlooking women run into handsome strangers every day of the week. Is every goodlooking man supposed to hit on her? She would hate men within a year. That just doesn't make sense. It's not that women on this thread are banning together against what OP is saying, it's just that what he is asking doesn't even make sense unless he is talking about an egotistical, narcissis of a woman; it just doesn't happen.
St. Nick Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 So you wouldn't assume that he simply didn't find you attractive enough to approach? LOL. Barky, you made this thread and you got the exact response you knew you'd get: complete lies and denial from women. They're acting like they didn't read the part about you typing he has no wedding ring on and then saying, "I assume he's married." Of course, it's a rejection. They know it. Women get mad and jealous when they're ignored. Sometimes that makes them even want a guy more. I know plenty of guys who tell me they've gotten more sex from a women by ignoring them than by actively pursuing them. I wouldn't be surprised if all the guys in this thread can recount the times when they ignored a woman and then she grunted and stormed off. I'm willing to be if guys unanimously tried ignoring women rather than actively pursuing them then sex and relationships would be a lot easier.
Twenty-ten Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 I'd feel rejected if no man was hitting on me, not one random good looking one.
organicmango Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 (edited) To answer your question: yes, if I were out to pick up or be picked up, I would feel somewhat rejected if a man I found to be attractive ignored me. If I went out to a bar or club for fun with friends, I might feel somewhat rejected if a man I found to be attractive ignored me. But note the words "somewhat" and "a man I found to be attractive". I am mature enough to know that this sort of "rejection" is not truly rejection and not a reflection of my self-worth. And I would have to have my feelers out in the first place and notice a man and feel that he is attractive before I could notice he might be ignoring me. I admit to being insecure about my attractiveness to men. This is not to say, though, that this is true of every woman. I have many female friends who I believe would truly not give a damn about a man rejecting them. I have many female friends who would and do. I can say the same of the men I know, too. Some people are more secure than others. That's true of everyone. Why do the men who have posted here have a need to see women in one way, only? I also have approached men in public places and started conversations and asked for phone no., etc. at times. I also know other women who have done the same. This may still be the exception, but to expect that all women believe that they need to wait for men to do the initiating and feel rejected if they don't is really simplifying matters. The only way we're going to change and evolve as human beings is if we drop these stereotypes and hostile attitudes towards each other. I appreciate it, Barky, that you admitted to having had mis-phrased your question, btw. Edited March 15, 2010 by organicmango typo
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 To answer your question: yes, if I were out to pick up or be picked up, I would feel somewhat rejected if a man I found to be attractive ignored me. If I went out to a bar or club for fun with friends, I might feel somewhat rejected if a man I found to be attractive ignored me. The first honest response from a female in this thread?
calizaggy Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Men most certainly do care about a woman's education and do discrimate. I don't see too many doctors and lawyers trying to date the 7/11 cashier. Actually I don't see anyone dating 7-11 cashiers.. Who do they date? I have no idea. But if she was hot enough, a Dr certainly would. Education is not synonymous with intelligence. (Men do not make this connection) I know all the career girls think they DESERVE handsome career men, but very often they pass over career women for someone they find more attractive and interesting.
Silver_star Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Honest situational response...IM out for a drink after work by myself, and im looking good. Cute guy sits down, no ring. I would firstly probably acknowledge him slightly with a hey or a hi (this gives him an opening to talk to me) If i think the guys cute and he doesnt say anything to me within a couple minutes, I might initiate conversation with him depending on how gutsy im feeling at the time. I will compliment him on something or attempt conversation , but i wont expect any grand gestures of flirtation in return. Everyone has their own life, he could be unresponsive to me for several reasons..and who am i to assume its me? If he really isnt responsive to me at all, i may feel a bit rejected...but i certainly wouldnt take it to an LS board.
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