Are women rejected when you DON'T hit on them?

[Barky]

Suppose an attractive woman is sitting alone at a bar, having a drink after work or something. A handsome guy with no wedding ring on sits down a couple of stools away, orders a drink and browses through a magazine. After awhile he finishes his drink, gets up, thanks the bartender and leaves.

 

Is this a rejection of the woman? That he didn't even bother to try to hit on her at all?

 

Since women are kind of considered the "choosy sex," and are expected to passively wait for the man to approach and then determine whether or not he gets access to her body, is the man's lack of even trying to get into her pants a rejection of the woman?

 

We all know what it's like as men when we approach a woman and are shot down. Do women feel this way when a man doesn't even try? Can a man "reject" a woman by simply doing nothing at all?

 

I would think that it would be annoying to get constantly propositioned, but that's coming from my position as a man. If a woman is attractive and is used to getting hit on at all times by pretty much every single man in her life, is it strange and confusing when a man DOESN'T hit on her?

 

I'm curious.

Edited March 13, 2010 by Barky

[bolase]

It is annoying being propositioned sometimes, but no way would I feel rejected if a guy comes and hangs out near me looking comfortable by himself and doesn't initiate a conversation. I would however probably assume he's taken, gay or there for a reason other than to pick up.

[sweetjasmine]

Is this a rejection of the woman? That he didn't even bother to try to hit on her at all?

 

No, not to me. I wouldn't really care and probably wouldn't even notice.

[Barky]

I would however probably assume he's taken, gay or there for a reason other than to pick up.

 

So you wouldn't assume that he simply didn't find you attractive enough to approach?

[SadandConfusedWA]

No, not to me. I wouldn't really care and probably wouldn't even notice.

 

 

I second this. I would also probably be happy to be left in peace.

 

Only incredibly insecure women need men to hit on them constanly.

[BobSacamento]

No, not to me. I wouldn't really care and probably wouldn't even notice.

 

I find that hard to believe that you wouldn't notice a handsome man at a bar.

 

I mean as a a man, I can honsetly say that the moment I walk into a bar I'm already assessing the talent.

[zicke]

So you wouldn't assume that he simply didn't find you attractive enough to approach?

 

I wouldn't assume anything because I probably wouldn't spend anytime thinking about it.

 

Women not getting hit on does not denote automatic rejection. How do men come up with this stuff?

[Kamille]

I second what the ladies have said. I wouldn't care and probably wouldn't notice. Not only that, if I wanted to approach the guy, I most likely would find an icebreaker to start a friendly conversation AND wouldn't even bother to feel rejected if it didn't lead anywhere.

 

So you wouldn't assume that he simply didn't find you attractive enough to approach?

 

No. I would assume that he has his own life and his own reasons for wanting to spend a chill time in a bar undisturbed. I'm not self-centered enough to think his attention should revolve around me just because we happen to be in a bar at the same time.

 

As SACWA said, only incredibly insecure women need male validation all the time. I would even add, only incredibly insecure women need validation from all cute males all the time.

[calizaggy]

Not sure if the women are being honest on this one..

 

Women get dressed up, put on make up, try to look pretty, go to a bar, sit by themselves, and then not even notice a man sitting next to them? LOL yeah right..Or not wonder at all why he did not initiate a conversation?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Not sure if the women are being honest on this one..

 

Women get dressed up, put on make up, try to look pretty, go to a bar, sit by themselves, and then not even notice a man sitting next to them? LOL yeah right..Or not wonder at all why he did not initiate a conversation?

 

Uh, not many women get all dressed up just to go to sit at the bar by themselves.

 

I assumed that OP was talking about when girls are at the bar with some girlfriends and maybe are sitting alone for a period of time if girlfriends went to the bathroom or are talking to someone else.

[Kamille]

 

Women get dressed up, put on make up, try to look pretty, go to a bar, sit by themselves, and then not even notice a man sitting next to them? LOL yeah right..Or not wonder at all why he did not initiate a conversation?

 

 

Why do some men want to reduce women's every actions to trying to impress them? Is it because these men's every actions are geared towards trying to impress women?

 

Do you work out only to get women? Do you pick bars only because of women? Do you only dress up to impress women? Do your every actions and choices revolve around women?

 

I like to feel I look good, but it has very little to do with trying to get attention from strangers and everything to do with wanting to feel good about myself. Also, dressing nice and looking pretty is what my friends and I do. We're middle-class women in our 30s. Dressing fashionably is about showing my classed belonging more then it is about trying to impress men.

 

Studies have shown that women who dress fashionably are usually offered better job opportunities. Just a sign that dressing isn't all about landing a man.

[gypsy_nicky]

Why do some men want to reduce women's every actions to trying to impress them? Is it because these men's every actions are geared towards trying to impress women?

 

Do you work out only to get women? Do you pick bars only because of women? Do you only dress up to impress women? Do your every actions and choices revolve around women?

 

I like to feel I look good, but it has very little to do with trying to get attention from strangers and everything to do with wanting to feel good about myself. Also, dressing nice and looking pretty is what my friends and I do. We're middle-class women in our 30s. Dressing fashionably is about showing my classed belonging more then it is about trying to impress men.

 

Studies have shown that women who dress fashionably are usually offered better job opportunities. Just a sign that dressing isn't all about landing a man.

 

...better job opportunities because looks matter.

 

OP, you wont get real responses on this thread but ideal ones (which the opposite gender don't usually subscribe to).

[Knittress]

I don't expect men to hit on me. In fact, when they do I usually find it confusing. If I notice at all it's because there's something in their behavior that smacks of desperation.

[Kamille]

...better job opportunities because looks matter.

 

OP, you wont get real responses on this thread but ideal ones (which the opposite gender don't usually subscribe to).

 

I agree looks matter. But they matter for everyone. Women don't only dress up for men. In my opinion, women dress up primarily to maintain their position in their social circles (that means they dress up to impress other women and men - but not necessarily to land a man). There's a huge difference in that.

 

My sense of fashion says more about what social group I belong too than about my desire to attract a mate on a specific night.

 

And I don't understand why the guys here want to hang on to a scenario where they can "hurt" women simply by ignoring them. I believe all the women here who say they wouldn't notice or, if they did, wouldn't take offense. Most women aren't as vain as the op would like to believe we are. And no, sorry to break it to you, most women aren't constantly on the prowl. Most of the time, we're just doing our thing.

[Woggle]

I don't know if they feel rejected but when women actually are rejected many do not know how to take it especially if they are attractive. the best way to mess with an attractive woman's head is reject her.

[ADF]

No one is obligated to hit on any one. That's silly.

[calizaggy]

 

I like to feel I look good, but it has very little to do with trying to get attention from strangers and everything to do with wanting to feel good about myself. .

 

So when you are sitting around at home by yourself you do your hair, make up, put on heels, push up bra to feel good about yourself? I mean you are not looking good for strangers, or men, right?

 

Most of women's lives are consumed with attracting men. Go to any grocery store and see what magazie selection they have to pick from (because it sells). Hair, make up,how to look good in a bikini, diet,fashion, bridal, how to be better in bed, where to meet men, (cosmo) etc.

 

While on one hand women sometimes complain about being hit on, on the other hand their egos are EXTREMELY brusied if they go out to a bar, dress up, sit by themselves, and not one man starts talking to them..

[marsle85]

Of course you notice if an attractive man sits nearby. But I think women grow accustomed to being more passive, and actually not expecting contact. Plus- who is to say he isn't married, dating seriously, etc. If he doesn't come up- all that goes through my mind was: "man, he was cuteee..." but that thought is so fleeting. There are more where he comes from.

[marsle85]

 

While on one hand women sometimes complain about being hit on, on the other hand their egos are EXTREMELY brusied if they go out to a bar, dress up, sit by themself, and not one man starts talking to them..

 

 

Well- you have to look at your sources. I don't know any woman that is going to willingly dress up and go to a bar to sit by themselves. That sounds odd to me. It's another thing if she's coming home from work and stops to get a drink. And in that case, it's quite possible she's not looking to be hit on.

[Kamille]

So when you are sitting around at home by yourself you do your hair, make up, put on heels, push up bra to feel good about yourself? I mean you are not looking good for strangers, or men, right?

 

Most of women's lives are consumed with attracting men. Go to any grocery store and see what magazie selection they have to pick from (because it sells). Hair, make up,how to look good in a bikini, diet,fashion, bridal, how to be better in bed, where to meet men, (cosmo) etc.

 

While on one hand women sometimes complain about being hit on, on the other hand their egos are EXTREMELY brusied if they go out to a bar, dress up, sit by themselves, and not one man starts talking to them..

 

Ah dear. Believe what you will. Some women's lives perhaps are consumed with attracting men.

 

But your analysis lacks finesse. Women read other magazines - what you might think of as men's magazine. I read the economist, Monocle and a bunch of other stuff. The last time I read a cosmo must have been somewhere around 1998.

 

And yes, just like men, women do hope to find someone to fall in love with. It doesn't meant it consumes our whole lives, all the time.

 

My ego has never been bruised simply because a man didn't approach me in a bar. I get approached enough that I don't need every man to be wrapped around my little finger. I'm not that entitled or narcissistic.

 

It is interesting though that your world-view only has place for self-centered narcissistic women. No wonder you spend so much time here on LS complaining about women's poor social values when you fail to pay attention to successful well-rounded women and reduce ALL women to superficial ego-driven nothing-without-a-man dolls.

[Kamille]

So when you are sitting around at home by yourself you do your hair, make up, put on heels, push up bra to feel good about yourself? I mean you are not looking good for strangers, or men, right?

 

 

Oh and again: no, I don't dress up for men. I dress up to show my belonging to a certain social group. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Or don't you think women have lives and social networks?

[shadowplay]

Nope. As the other women wrote, I probably wouldn't even notice. I don't usually notice new people in my immediate environment in a sexual way. It's only after seeing a guy a few times that I begin to feel an attraction build.

 

Now, if I had a crush on a particular guy, initiated conversation with him and he brushed me off, then I'd feel rejected.

[Disillusioned]

The ultimate rejection is when a guy never even shows up where an attractive woman is hanging out. It's the power of not playing the game.

[Jersey Shortie]

This is a most foolish question. Of course this isn't rejection.

 

The OP assumes that the only reason a woman is out and about is to get any man's attention that happens to be within the radius. Women do not necessarly want your specific attention, even if you are reasonably cute.

[shadowplay]

Some of the male respondents are getting a thrill out of the possibility that they may be evening the score by ignoring certain women. This is why they are unwilling to accept the overwhelming female response that most of us don't care. It's a power play.

 

Their insistence that women are obsessed with attracting men is another power play.

 

The one thing I agree with is that women groom mostly because of men. Even when they do dress up to impress other women, it's indirectly because of men. Women are competitive with each other because of men. In lesbian culture, without the influence of men, grooming standards are much lower.

 

I think the same holds true for women who say they groom for themselves. I believe them that they do it to make themselves feel good, but I think the feel good response comes from socialization. It's ingrained in them from an early age that looking good is associated with overall health and happiness.

Edited March 13, 2010 by shadowplay