Disillusioned Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I was at the store, buying grokes, and I saw some mag on the big stand---I think it was the Economist---with the word GENDERCIDE printed in big pink letters across the black front cover. At the bottom of the cover was a pic of an empty pair of pink baby shoes. Curious, I opened the mag and read about how in China, there's a ratio of something like 5 men to 4 women, and things aren't much different in India. Major problems down the road in those countries. Later, my buddy called me and I told him what I read in the mag. He said a guy in his college class just finished a paper on the deceptive numbers behind gender in the US... according to him, there are more women than men in the US, but 7 out of 10 of those women who are single, want to stay single. It's like we men are being punished for wanting female partners. I have no sympathy for the guys who have to go through hellish withdrawal symptoms from going without sex... but I'm more interested in the friendship/bonding sort of relationship anyway. From the sound of things, 7 out of 10 women are mean and ****ty enough not to even want to be friends with a man, sex or no sex. I hope to hell I'm wrong about this.
Jeff1962 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I was at the store, buying grokes, and I saw some mag on the big stand---I think it was the Economist---with the word GENDERCIDE printed in big pink letters across the black front cover. At the bottom of the cover was a pic of an empty pair of pink baby shoes. Curious, I opened the mag and read about how in China, there's a ratio of something like 5 men to 4 women, and things aren't much different in India. Major problems down the road in those countries. Later, my buddy called me and I told him what I read in the mag. He said a guy in his college class just finished a paper on the deceptive numbers behind gender in the US... according to him, there are more women than men in the US, but 7 out of 10 of those women who are single, want to stay single. It's like we men are being punished for wanting female partners. I have no sympathy for the guys who have to go through hellish withdrawal symptoms from going without sex... but I'm more interested in the friendship/bonding sort of relationship anyway. From the sound of things, 7 out of 10 women are mean and ****ty enough not to even want to be friends with a man, sex or no sex. I hope to hell I'm wrong about this. Ssoooooo....... You are gay?
WalkInThePark Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) I am a single woman in my forties, not in the US but in Europe. I am not single because I want to be single, I am single because I don't find a man who qualifies as a potential partner! And I think that is the case for a lot of women. Now people might call me picky but what benefit could I possible have from starting a relationship with a man I can't see myself be happy with? Life with a partner should increase your happiness not decrease it, no? Over the last 20 years I have really tried to "improve" myself, to realize my potential. I find myself a much better person now than at 25: I obtained a university degree, found a good job, have a comfortable income, my own place. I take better care of myself, eat more healthy, stopped smoking, dress in a more elegant way and am much more serene. The problem is that guys my age are often worse than they were at 25, especially if they are single... Don't know what they want, do not have a stable job, have a basketball belly and double chin, unhealthy eating habits, smell, don't know how to dress,... And they don't know how to behave with a woman. I tried internetdating for a while and it was so rare to find a man who was just nice, interesting and had good manners. I might not be everyone's type but there is no question that I am a goodlooking, elegant, friendly lady. I am not saying that I look younger than I am, other people say I look younger. I am slim (French size 38) and I have a nice face. Still I got sometimes insulted on dates. Guys reacted rude when they heard what I did for a living (I happen to have a job with quite some status but I can't lie when they ask me what my job is, can I) or when they heard where I was living (in a fancy area). Guys don't want a second date because they don't feel any chemistry (well, if you are rude, I am not going to flirt with you). Now the guys that I think are not good enought to be a potential lifepartner might be the ones that think that women are too picky. But am I too picky when I expect a guy to have brushed his teeth in the morning? And maybe they are the ones who prefer a lady from the Filippines or Africa and say that western women are not nice. But I am sorry, I can not pretend I have less qualities than I have and I can also not start a relationship out of pity. So until I meet a guy who is OK in my eyes, I remain single. There was recently a book published claiming that we should no longer look for Mr Right and settle for Mr Good Enough. But the problem is not that women are looking for Mr Right. The problem is that it is very difficult to find a Mr Good Enough. Edited March 13, 2010 by WalkInThePark
Author Disillusioned Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 Ssoooooo....... You are gay? Jeff, you're an idiot. I am a single woman in my forties, not in the US but in Europe. I am not single because I want to be single, I am single because I don't find a man who qualifies as a potential partner! And I think that is the case for a lot of women. Now people might call me picky but what benefit could I possible have from starting a relationship with a man I can't see myself be happy with? Life with a partner should increase your happiness not decrease it, no? WITP, you would really need to talk to people here in the US to understand their mindset. I've done the self-improvement thing, but a lot of single women in this country don't want ANYONE. They are only interested in being the empress of their own universes. It goes without saying that they are very selfish people who can't see themselves coming and going... they are terrified of growing old, but that day will come. How will they feel when they are 80 or 90 with no friends?
WalkInThePark Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Jeff, you're an idiot. WITP, you would really need to talk to people here in the US to understand their mindset. I've done the self-improvement thing, but a lot of single women in this country don't want ANYONE. They are only interested in being the empress of their own universes. It goes without saying that they are very selfish people who can't see themselves coming and going... they are terrified of growing old, but that day will come. How will they feel when they are 80 or 90 with no friends? Are the US so different from western Europe in that respect? We both have these "post-modern" societies... I can only speak for myself but for me one of the big disadvantages of being single is that everything is about me. People tell me: "Oh, you are so lucky you don't have to take the wishes of noone else into account." Well, I would love to take the wishes of someone else into account. My xMM has a seriously disabled child and I would have loved to help him take care of her. No, I would love to have a partner but I do not want to be with someone who is not good for me.
Author Disillusioned Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 There you have it. Most single women in the US don't even want someone who turns out to be good for them. Such gratitude!
cuppa Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 There you have it. Most single women in the US don't even want someone who turns out to be good for them. Such gratitude! Hmm...I think the demographic changes. Higher divorce rate in the US these days is because some women choose to live alone than being in a partnership where they are not happy. In the old days, this was not possible (have you seen the movie: Revolutionary Road - Kate Winslet's character came to mind). These days, most women hold high power jobs, can afford to travel by themselves, bought their own houses....why settle for less and go through heartache? Walkinthepark, that's really scary what you said. A few of my friends told me the same thing that any guy who is over 35 and single, they have a lot of emotional baggage and issues or they are simply douches. It seems a pretty scary place out there.
alphamale Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 These days, most women hold high power jobs, can afford to travel by themselves, bought their own houses....why settle for less and go through heartache?. yes but women are emotional creatures and still need love and romance
Samantha0905 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 WalkInThePark -- you sound like you have a lot of great things going on with you. I don't think you should settle for anything less than you deserve in a partner, so I hope you find someone suitable. I know in my age bracket, there are not many men out there I think I would be interested in. You're right -- when they're single in their 40s, it seems like many have even more issues than younger men do. And yes -- brushing of teeth is important! I was out with a friend last night -- we're both married and weren't looking for a man. We did, however, people watch at the restaurant/bar we went to. Man. I think if I get single, I may stay single and pass on dating all together. It seemed once people got drunk they were just kind of all over each other when many had just met at the bar. We were counting hookups as they left the bar. I do have a friend who is single after having been married about 15 years. She's been divorced around eight years. She has a really nice boyfriend, but he has two younger children (elementary school.) She told me she is not getting married and raising two more children. I know she loves him very much, but she said she just can't even force herself to think about getting married again because she enjoys her freedom and the fact she owns her own home, car, etc.
cuppa Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 yes but women are emotional creatures and still need love and romance Yeah but why settle with a slob with beer belly who can't hold jobs? (if what WalkInThePark said is true). if those are the choices for women in their 30s and 40s have, it's probably best to be single and try to be happy yes?
Woggle Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 This is why players have it all figured out. The love and dating situation in our society is just effed up beyond repair so why not get what you can? Alpha and men like him have the right approach if you ask me. RIP to romantic love.
Samantha0905 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 There you have it. Most single women in the US don't even want someone who turns out to be good for them. Such gratitude! It's a big step being with someone permanently. I'm a little slow and I stared at "grokes" for a while trying to figure out what the heck you were talking about.
Woggle Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Yeah but why settle with a slob with beer belly who can't hold jobs? (if what WalkInThePark said is true). if those are the choices for women in their 30s and 40s have, it's probably best to be single and try to be happy yes? At the same time you can ask why a man would settle for an embittered misandrist who blames her relationship failures on men or an aging hottie who won't be so hot in a few years and now wants the men she once chewed up and spit out to come crawling back. Any complaint women can lob against men can be answered with the other side of the coin.
sally4sara Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I was at the store, buying grokes, and I saw some mag on the big stand---I think it was the Economist---with the word GENDERCIDE printed in big pink letters across the black front cover. At the bottom of the cover was a pic of an empty pair of pink baby shoes. Curious, I opened the mag and read about how in China, there's a ratio of something like 5 men to 4 women, and things aren't much different in India. Major problems down the road in those countries. Later, my buddy called me and I told him what I read in the mag. He said a guy in his college class just finished a paper on the deceptive numbers behind gender in the US... according to him, there are more women than men in the US, but 7 out of 10 of those women who are single, want to stay single. It's like we men are being punished for wanting female partners. I have no sympathy for the guys who have to go through hellish withdrawal symptoms from going without sex... but I'm more interested in the friendship/bonding sort of relationship anyway. From the sound of things, 7 out of 10 women are mean and ****ty enough not to even want to be friends with a man, sex or no sex. I hope to hell I'm wrong about this. ....... I'm sure dating tribulations are the least of the problems faced in China and India. Besides, if this is the only way to promote evolution, I'm all for it. But I am curious. Tell me more about these hellish sexual withdrawal symptoms.
cuppa Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 ....... I'm sure dating tribulations are the least of the problems faced in China and India. Besides, if this is the only way to promote evolution, I'm all for it. But I am curious. Tell me more about these hellish sexual withdrawal symptoms. About the demographic in China, One thing came to mind: flourishing high class prostitution. When a demographic has disproportinate higher income, more successful men than women, it's a natural progression. Well I was in China in 2007. Was there for 3 weeks. It's quite a sad demographic. I chatted up a taxi driver one time. He told me that he really wanted to get married but the property is so expensive, he can't afford to buy a house so he and his gf can live together. Most men in the lower income bracket couldn't get married. When I was in a hotel lobby, I saw soooo many twenty something with 50 something men (and I'm in the 5 star hotel too, a very swanky business hotel). I think here (US) is so much better when it comes "being real", looking at people beyond status, money, and everything. I am grateful to be here and have no complains.
cuppa Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I am a single woman in my forties, not in the US but in Europe. I am not single because I want to be single, I am single because I don't find a man who qualifies as a potential partner! And I think that is the case for a lot of women. Now people might call me picky but what benefit could I possible have from starting a relationship with a man I can't see myself be happy with? Life with a partner should increase your happiness not decrease it, no? Over the last 20 years I have really tried to "improve" myself, to realize my potential. I find myself a much better person now than at 25: I obtained a university degree, found a good job, have a comfortable income, my own place. I take better care of myself, eat more healthy, stopped smoking, dress in a more elegant way and am much more serene. The problem is that guys my age are often worse than they were at 25, especially if they are single... Don't know what they want, do not have a stable job, have a basketball belly and double chin, unhealthy eating habits, smell, don't know how to dress,... And they don't know how to behave with a woman. I tried internetdating for a while and it was so rare to find a man who was just nice, interesting and had good manners. I might not be everyone's type but there is no question that I am a goodlooking, elegant, friendly lady. I am not saying that I look younger than I am, other people say I look younger. I am slim (French size 38) and I have a nice face. Still I got sometimes insulted on dates. Guys reacted rude when they heard what I did for a living (I happen to have a job with quite some status but I can't lie when they ask me what my job is, can I) or when they heard where I was living (in a fancy area). Guys don't want a second date because they don't feel any chemistry (well, if you are rude, I am not going to flirt with you). Now the guys that I think are not good enought to be a potential lifepartner might be the ones that think that women are too picky. But am I too picky when I expect a guy to have brushed his teeth in the morning? And maybe they are the ones who prefer a lady from the Filippines or Africa and say that western women are not nice. But I am sorry, I can not pretend I have less qualities than I have and I can also not start a relationship out of pity. So until I meet a guy who is OK in my eyes, I remain single. There was recently a book published claiming that we should no longer look for Mr Right and settle for Mr Good Enough. But the problem is not that women are looking for Mr Right. The problem is that it is very difficult to find a Mr Good Enough. Walkinthepark, I was involved working with a startup last year (though I quit because I couldn't handle the hours with everything that is going on with my main job and personal life). So, the startup is a high end matchmaking service. One of the clients is my ex VP that i used to work for. I actually had no clue that she was single & looking. She always looks so serious and stern (well she's in revenue accounting for fortune 100 companies, so it's a high stress job obviously). Anyways, she paid quite a sum for the service and found someone within 8 months. The guy is pretty much what she wants (and she doesn't settle for less). They are both executives for big companies. Last I heard, she changes drastically...dresses so cute, smiles more often, and from what I heard from people who went to their house party, they've been going at each other like rabbits. I am thinking that this is not the bad way to find a mate, instead of going through a lot of awkward dates/coffees, esp if we already know what we want.
WalkInThePark Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I am thinking that this is not the bad way to find a mate, instead of going through a lot of awkward dates/coffees, esp if we already know what we want. Cuppa, I have thought about a matchmaking service myself. I have actually been to two of them to hear what they could offer. Unfortunately, both told me that it is really hard for women over 40. I seem to have some advantages such as having no kids, not wanting kids and being slim. But apparently I should take into account that it is basically impossible to find someone who is reallly close to my age (in my case that would be between 40 and 50) because these guys want someone younger. That means that I would rather be introduced to guys who are mid-fifties and I simply find that too old. Another thing with matchmaking services is a problem I also have with internetdating: it is simply too artificial, too forced. When you meet someone you immediately have to decide whether you want to see him another time and that feels so unnatural. Especially to someone like me who is rather slow to develop feelings. You see, if I meet someone at work or in a course, I don't have to think about whether or not I want to see him back, and whether or not I like him. Most of the times I don't know him so I also don't know whether I like him or not. This comes with time. Well, matchmaking or internetdating don't give you that time. That's why I had little succes with internetdating. People expect to have chemistry. But they want this to happen within the first 10 minutes. Well, I just can't be flirty or seductive with someone I just met. I have decided to just live my life, do things I enjoy and hope that someday my man will show up. I have thus decided to stop all active efforts to find someone. That's really scary seen my age but I feel so much more serene since I decided this. I know some of these "How to find a man" books tell you that you should make a whole business plan of it but I really can't do that. I'm way too romantic.
WalkInThePark Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 There you have it. Most single women in the US don't even want someone who turns out to be good for them. Such gratitude! Disillusioned, you have to accept that it is the women themselves who have to feel that someone is good for them.
xxoo Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 These days, most women hold high power jobs, can afford to travel by themselves, bought their own houses....why settle for less and go through heartache? While it is true that proportionally more women hold high power jobs, it isn't true that most women do. Most men do not hold high power jobs, either. Disillusioned's friend reports that 7/10 single women want to stay single. That may mean they are open to friendship, dating, and sex, but do not wish to marry. Why do you think women are uninterested in friendship? The single women I know (professional and otherwise) are predominantly "single and looking". I suspect that people use the line "I'm not interested in a relationship" to let someone down easy because they are not interested in a relationship with that person. It doesn't always mean they are truly set on being single.
cuppa Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 While it is true that proportionally more women hold high power jobs, it isn't true that most women do. Most men do not hold high power jobs, either. Disillusioned's friend reports that 7/10 single women want to stay single. That may mean they are open to friendship, dating, and sex, but do not wish to marry. Why do you think women are uninterested in friendship? The single women I know (professional and otherwise) are predominantly "single and looking". I suspect that people use the line "I'm not interested in a relationship" to let someone down easy because they are not interested in a relationship with that person. It doesn't always mean they are truly set on being single. I think you misunderstood my points. What I indicated is that more women are financially independent these days so there is less pressure to settle down. These days, whether you are executives, accountant, office manager, or retail workers, you can be independent and you don't have to settle if it means a lifetime of heartache. Obviously, just like walkinthepark stated earlier, who wouldn't want to be in love and in partnership with loving partner? That's one of the greatest feelings in the world. I think the "I am not interested in relationship" line is because people are pestering these women with questions and it's easier to say that way. The truth is a lot of my friends in their late 30's, they are not actively looking. They try to enjoy life and if the right one is coming along, then it's great. I am married so I don't think about men in that way. But lately, I am thinking if I were single again, who could I date in my circle or my acquaintance? I have to admit, not a single candidate came to mind which is quite depressing for me. In this case, I have to be ready for the possibility of not willing to settle and be single for the rest of my life (if my marriage can't survive this time).
xxoo Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Sorry for being unclear, Cuppa. I can see how what I typed was confusing. The "friendship" question was for Disilllusioned, in response to this: . From the sound of things, 7 out of 10 women are mean and ****ty enough not to even want to be friends with a man, sex or no sex. I hope to hell I'm wrong about this. How did you conclude that women who want to remain single don't want friendship with a man?
Author Disillusioned Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 How did you conclude that women who want to remain single don't want friendship with a man? Because they're not coming across as trying very hard. Maybe it's due to a desire not to be seen as "desperate"? I'd just say the heck with what other people think... a "desperate" woman wouldn't scare me off, if the chemistry was right. Big fat middle finger to the rest of the world!
cuppa Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 (edited) Cuppa, I have thought about a matchmaking service myself. I have actually been to two of them to hear what they could offer. Unfortunately, both told me that it is really hard for women over 40. I seem to have some advantages such as having no kids, not wanting kids and being slim. But apparently I should take into account that it is basically impossible to find someone who is reallly close to my age (in my case that would be between 40 and 50) because these guys want someone younger. That means that I would rather be introduced to guys who are mid-fifties and I simply find that too old. My VP is over 50 actually and so is her husband now. The only thing that the matchmaking service assumed is that because she's blonde & blue eyes, they automatically assume that ethnically has to be the same. So when she found out that, she told them that she's open to any race and then how she found her husband now. hmm....maybe I socialize with a lot of people who go to gym often or practice active lifestyle, I found a lot of men in their 50s who are still fit and youthful. I am thinking for myself, if I were looking again, my age group will be men between 37 - 45 but they have to be youthful (in spirit) with experience/maturity that come with that age. Also you are French, a lot of americans here are crazy over slim, classy French women, esp here in California (I used to work for a French company a couple of years ago). Maybe perhaps open up the horizon to this side of the world? Edited March 14, 2010 by cuppa
WalkInThePark Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 Also you are French, a lot of americans here are crazy over slim, classy French women, esp here in California (I used to work for a French company a couple of years ago). Maybe perhaps open up the horizon to this side of the world? Hihi, thanks for the suggestion. I have never been to the States actually but I plan to do that next year.
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