Cinderella7 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I never thought I'd be the FWB type but I actually had a FWB relationship that lasted a few months or so. It was with a guy I'd gone out with a few times. I didn't really feel an emotional connection, but the sex was amazing, so dating evolved into us hooking up every few weeks. Once I was able to figure out I really only liked sleeping with him, it was pretty easy to keep feelings out of the picture. Both of us were pretty happy with the arrangement. The only reason it ended was because I started dating a new guy and having feelings for someone (even someone I haven't slept with yet) and sleeping with someone else didn't feel right. But it was fun while it lasted. I don't expect to enter into another situation like that. That one happened purely on accident. I would definitely find it odd if someone explicitly asked me to be a FWB.
craw Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I used to think like that too, until I got into a FWB ordeal. Definitely opened my eyes wider to frequent casual sex.
craw Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I never thought I'd be the FWB type but I actually had a FWB relationship that lasted a few months or so. It was with a guy I'd gone out with a few times. I didn't really feel an emotional connection, but the sex was amazing, so dating evolved into us hooking up every few weeks. Once I was able to figure out I really only liked sleeping with him, it was pretty easy to keep feelings out of the picture. Both of us were pretty happy with the arrangement. The only reason it ended was because I started dating a new guy and having feelings for someone (even someone I haven't slept with yet) and sleeping with someone else didn't feel right. But it was fun while it lasted. I don't expect to enter into another situation like that. That one happened purely on accident. I would definitely find it odd if someone explicitly asked me to be a FWB. Do you find with your current beau that it just wasn't as amazing with FWB?
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 its selfishness...people dont want you to take a part of them and walk. That's not a nice way to treat em. I was merely using a metaphor. My point is, I don't need "all" of a woman, and I like it when women don't need "all" of me. All I want is a "slice" of them and all I want to give is a "slice" of me. Ya see?
bolase Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Get what you're saying, I just don't think a cake is the greatest metaphor for a woman. The confusing and troubling part of FWB is that people have feelings, they aren't seeing each other purely as something delicious! Aint that the reason for this thread?
Cinderella7 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Do you find with your current beau that it just wasn't as amazing with FWB? I actually haven't had sex with the guy I'm dating yet (the one I ended the FWB for). We've been dating for over a month and no sex yet - we're taking it slow. The anticipation is killing me!
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 I guess I am old fashioned when it comes to sex. I get absolutely nothing out of sex without an emotional attachement and I think that most (or all) guys get some satification out of a purely sexual relationship. Therefore, I would feel taken advantage of and thus disrespected. I would also feel like I am good enough for sex but not good enough for a girlfriend which would lower my self-esteem. 1
craw Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I actually haven't had sex with the guy I'm dating yet (the one I ended the FWB for). We've been dating for over a month and no sex yet - we're taking it slow. The anticipation is killing me! awesome!
Ruby Slippers Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 A FWBs relationship does not give anything to girls. Girls want to satisfy their emotional needs in a relationship much more than to satisfy their sex drive. A FWBs relationship drains emotional energy from girls. Wrong. As one of the above posters said: Once I was able to figure out I really only liked sleeping with him, it was pretty easy to keep feelings out of the picture. I felt the same way. I enjoyed a little more than sex with him -- he gave THE most incredible full-body massages I've ever had from a non-pro -- but yeah, once I figured out what I wanted and did not want with him, I was totally comfortable with where we stood. And at that point, the only thing that made me uncomfortable or wary about the situation was him expressing his feelings for me. This works only if both parties are selfish about sex and are only concerned about themselves. If you care about the other person then "emotionally" you will get involved. No. During the FWB portion of things with guy I mentioned, we both had some very giving sex, where we almost totally focused on pleasing the other person. I love giving pleasure as much as getting it. Eh, it's not about 'walls,' it's about enjoying a part of someone. I agree. If both people agree about what it is, I can see how it can be a very enjoyable relationship. Amazing how many erroneous generalizations are being made in this thread. But I guess that's the nature of the LS beast.
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Amazing how many erroneous generalizations are being made in this thread. But I guess that's the nature of the LS beast. Yeah, it's silly. "Women need..." "Men want..." "Women are..." "Men feel..." All generalizations. You'd think by now people would realize that everyone's different.
craw Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Amazing how many erroneous generalizations are being made in this thread. But I guess that's the nature of the LS beast. Seriously, Im not very polite about these things, but really there are huge generalisations being made here that are making me feel embarrassed.
Stung Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Personally I have never been into the FWB scene because I like to feel more special to a guy than that, but I don't always have to be in a serious, Love-capital-L relationship either. Isn't there a middle ground? I was frequently happy to have a boyfriend I was attracted to and liked and had a good (and exclusive and romantic) time with, who I knew probably wouldn't still be around in a year because we'd have packed up and moved on by then. Is that so unusual?
shadowplay Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) I'll be totally honest. The only instance in which I might do a FWB is if I had a huge, huge crush on a guy with whom I knew I was incompatible. I can think of one guy whom this would have applied to about two years ago. It goes against common wisdom, but given the way I'm wired I think a FWB actually would help me get over an intense crush. It would probably last a few weeks at most before I lost interest. Oddly enough, it's often easier for me to get over somebody once I've been with him: seeing him as human topples him from his pedestal and exposes our incompatibilities. Many women seem to have the opposite response -- they get more emotionally attached with more contact. In a normal courtship, I wouldn't agree to a FWB but not for the same reasons that most people don't want one (to avoid emotional attachment and hurt). I don't get easily emotionally attached, but I do feel revolted by sex that is purely physical. Given that I'm probably not already crushing hard on the guy as I've just met him, I'm essentially having sex with a stranger. It doesn't get more meaningless than that. There are no perks since I don't even get the temporary thrill of releasing pent up desire or the relief of getting over a crush. Knowing me I probably wouldn't get attached but I'd be bored and repulsed from the start. I would never agree to a FWB with a guy I had just started dating. I also wouldn't agree to a FWB if we had started out in a relationship. EDIT: SadandConfused: If a guy said that to me I'd be really disgusted. It's fine to be upfront about wanting a FWB, but he should have just left it that. Mentioning the potential for more in the future is a lie to get you hooked. No meaningful relationship ever comes out of a FWB. And even if a relationship did blossom from one, it would always be tainted by how it started out (at least for me it would). Edited March 13, 2010 by shadowplay
shadowplay Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) I just realized there's another specific, rare scenario where I might do a FWB. I would have to be really attracted to his aura -- combo of personality and looks, but also realize that he was cold deep down. I can think of only one guy I felt this way about. He was hot and had a sexy personality in terms of being really smart, subversive, witty and cocky, but he was a selfish person without empathy. He didn't try to disguise this about himself or amplify it for attention. I would have a fling with a guy like that, but nothing more. The odd thing is his likeable and unlikeable traits would have to be balanced just so, or it'd tip me in the direction of disgust. In 99% of cases when a guy is a crappy person despite having some attractive superficial traits, I feel total repulsion to him. Not sure why there are a few guys who slip through the cracks. Maybe the guys who do are subversive but in a way that seems more ingrained rather than an attempt to overcompensate for inner weakness. In other words, at least they're being true to themselves which I can respect. Edited March 13, 2010 by shadowplay
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Wrong. As one of the above posters said: Once I was able to figure out I really only liked sleeping with him, it was pretty easy to keep feelings out of the picture. Perhaps this girl is an exception. I felt the same way. I enjoyed a little more than sex with him -- he gave THE most incredible full-body massages I've ever had from a non-pro -- but yeah, once I figured out what I wanted and did not want with him, I was totally comfortable with where we stood. And at that point, the only thing that made me uncomfortable or wary about the situation was him expressing his feelings for me. Women do not want FWBs because they have emotional needs coupled with sex drive. Your guy expressed his feelings for you, he gave your incredible massages. So, he fullfilled your emotional needs for respect, feeling worthy, desirable and stuff like that. Do you consider any relationship where a guy do not give you a ring as FWBs?
Ruby Slippers Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Friends with Benefits is a quick, convenient term to describe a wide range of relationships, from walk in the door, have sex, and go home, to a situation that more closely resembles a committed relationship with all its perks, without the commitment. Women do not want FWBs because they have emotional needs coupled with sex drive. Some women do not want FWBs. Some do. My emotional "needs" were no more than his -- basic human respect, dignity, and honesty. If anyone needed reassurance and expressions of desire and appreciation, it was he. Your guy expressed his feelings for you, he gave your incredible massages. So, he fullfilled your emotional needs for respect, feeling worthy, desirable and stuff like that. Not really. Respect I insist upon from any relationship, whether with a friend, client, or sex partner. Feeling worthy and desirable -- that comes from within, not from some guy's opinion of me. I have grown past the point of needing a man's opinion to validate my worthiness and desirability. It's nice but not necessary. Do you consider any relationship where a guy do not give you a ring as FWBs? No. I don't really consider any relationship of mine FWB. It's a limited, limiting term, I think. I get benefits of all kinds from everyone I'm friends with. He was the one who wanted to define the relationship and call me his girlfriend. I was fine with it being what it was with no label.
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) I have been in a bunch of FWBs relationships. A typical FWBs relationship is when a man has no feelings towards a female and he says about it openly. He sees a woman as a sex object. All his words and behaviors say that he does not give a f..k for a woman who he has sex with. Men seriously believe that there are women who would love it. He uses her to please himself and he does not care to please her because it takes a lot of efforts of communication. I know that men believe that they can please women by doing things which they believe great for girls, for example, oral sex for her. Unfortunately, they would never ask a girl how she would like to do that for her. So, there is the only way to survive the useless torture by faking an orgasm. I guess it could be possible for girls to partly enjoy FWBs, if there were plenty of men who were great at sex, but, in reality, it is not true. So, those relationships can give women neither sexual satistaction nor emotional satisfaction. Edited March 13, 2010 by Tres
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Ruby Slippers, thank you. I have some more questions about that guy. Was he exclusive with you? Were you exclusive with him? How long did it last?
Citizen Erased Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 No, I'm more the LTR kind, if a FWB kind of deal is all they could give me then I certainly won't be giving them anything.
justagirl09 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Friends with Benefits is a quick, convenient term to describe a wide range of relationships, from walk in the door, have sex, and go home, to a situation that more closely resembles a committed relationship with all its perks, without the commitment That is kind of the situation I am in now. Me and the guy care for each other alot, but there is no committment, and i doubt very seriously there ever will be. Its like we have the emotional/physical relationship of a gf/bf but with all the freedom. We talk/text almost everyday, and he is there for me when i am upset about something. I never thought in a million years i would be in this kind of situation, but i guess until i find someone who is boyfriend material this will do. It fills a temporary void i guess, but its not like we have sex and then dont talk for weeks. Its not for everyone though, and i dont think i would do it again after this one runs its course. We are very attracted to each other, have hot chemistry, and get along great. When we both met we had both recently come out of LTR so we were on the same page at that time. There was a short period where i started to develop feelings for him, and i had to take a break from the relationship for a couple months.
PhillyDude Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 FWB works for me because I'm selfish and work 50-55 hours a week.
lookin2wardthefuture Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I'm in one right now and it can be confusing as hell!! He texts me multiple times per day, asks me out on dates, seems genuinely concerned about me. The chemistry is awesome, and he's a great lover. The kicker is, he does'nt want to hang out with me much on the weekends, and we both have crazy schedules. When I had a blind date, he openly admitted he was jelous, and asked me out for the next night. When I asked him what time we should meet up, he replied he did'nt know whether or not he was going out after all. I know I bear some of the burden for this because we both agreed what type of FWB we were entering into. He just keeps sending me mixed signals! After this runs it's course, I won't do another FWB's. It's not for me in the furture.
Awesome Username Posted March 14, 2010 Posted March 14, 2010 I would never have a fwb. I would rather either get treated well or be single, than be a chump for some guy to get his rocks off in and not care about.
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