SadandConfusedWA Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 There are so many posts around about FWBs. I recently went on a few dates with a guy and he told me that he is still healing after his break up and would like to have FWB for now "with a possibility of more in the future". I pretty much said "no thanks" and refuse to see him again. It's not that I like this guy so much that I am sure I want a LTR. It's just that FWB dynamic feels disrespectful to me, and I don't want to invest my time or possibly start developing feelings where chance of things working out are nil. As for sex, I only care for it if it's a part of a loving relationship. I have also never had FWBs in the past and rejected it each time it was offered to me. I wonder if there are other women that feel like that.
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 There are tons of women who won't do it. Fewer and fewer every day, but still tons. Of course, you knew that, right?
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 There are tons of women who won't do it. Fewer and fewer every day, but still tons. Of course, you knew that, right? Not really. I guess reading LS sometimes gives me a skewed perception of the world. Even most of my friends in real life have had FWBs at some point.
ADF Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 SadandConfused, any guy that offers a FWB and says it "might" lead to more later is a lying sack of crap. The reason men like FWB relationships is precisely because they DON'T lead to more--i.e. FWB means easy, no-strings sex. Given a choice, most guys--especially young guys--will go for that over a LTR any day. Ya done good not to fall for that trap! That aside, I think what's happening with people younger than me (I am 40) is that "hooking up" has pretty much replaced dating as the standard way people interact sexually. Don't get me wrong--people "hooked up" back when I was in my 20s, too. But it was by no means the standard way of doing things. Today, it is. As a system that operates on the basis of no-strings attached encounters, hooking up generally favors the interests of men over the interests of women. Yes, a few women might think the whole hooking up thing is great, but I think they are the exceptions. However, if women don't go along with the hookup culture, they get nothing at all. It is a pretty grim situation.
ella23 Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 No, I won't do it, because it seems disrespectful to me, too.
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 It is a pretty grim situation. I think it's a fantastic situation and I look forward to seeing more of it in the future!
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 FWB is a bad idea. One person always gets attached, and usually the other won't and it ends bad. Only if the folks involved have no emotional self-control. FWB rel'ps can be the most fantastic thing in the world when done right. Hot sex and occasional companionship but the freedom to come and go as one pleases. No silly "soulmate" drama. Everything is kept in perspective. A rare and beautiful experience.
tami-chan Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Really? beautiful....? I guess, it can be...as just about everything is relative. I can't be a FWB...I am careful about who I allow in (so to speak) in my life....maybe, too careful..but what the heck it's the only way I know how to live!
ADF Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Only if the folks involved have no emotional self-control. FWB rel'ps can be the most fantastic thing in the world when done right. Hot sex and occasional companionship but the freedom to come and go as one pleases. No silly "soulmate" drama. Everything is kept in perspective. A rare and beautiful experience. Barky, I would revise your above quote to read as follows: "FWB rel'ps can be the most fantastic thing in the world when you're a man." Replace your original post with that one, and we'll agree prefectly.
yume Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I respect myself too much to be the kind of person that sleeps around. Plus it's how you get STDs....no thank you.
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Barky, I would revise your above quote to read as follows: "FWB rel'ps can be the most fantastic thing in the world when you're a man." Replace your original post with that one, and we'll agree prefectly. I'd say that they can be the most fantastic thing if you're the type who enjoys them. It's not necessarily gender-based, though frequently women have less emotional self-control than men.
tinktronik Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I don't do FWB either and never have. I have had ONS but would never enter into a situation with someone I was actually interested in as a friend that included sexual activity and a ONS I have already made up my mind that I'm interested in only that and no more. So in effect I do either long-term relationships or one night stands.... Pretty much just long-term relationships these days though.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I never set out to, but my last dating relationship turned into it for a while. I liked the guy a lot, was attracted to him, and we got along great -- I just believed we weren't compatible enough to sustain a happy, long-term relationship. And I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship that isn't right and is causing me grief. I was enjoying it. It was The Boyfriend Experience without the drama. But I ended it because he couldn't seem to keep his feelings at bay, and because I do care about him as a person, I didn't feel right carrying on with him, then abruptly ending it when I started dating someone I could see long-term compatibility with.
bolase Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 after a first ever ONS with a housemate who is keen to start a FWB, I've realised I can't do it, and so what happened once will remain once off. I also feel that yeah, we'd love things to be equal emotionally between the women and men involved but surely one of you will begin to miss the other or share more than the other wants. Can't end well! If I meet a potential ONS though, I would go there - provided they weren't a friend already who just wanted a casual thing. IMO the reason for you two not wanting to enter a relationship or be together has to be physical distance or practicality , ie then a ONS is appropriate, rather than emotional distance,ie you just arent that into each other (FWB). No I couldn't do FWB, why would you...give it your all when you both want to, for one night or more. Your ALL. Who wants to be in something where you have to keep walls up?
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 give it your all when you both want to, for one night or more. Your ALL. Who wants to be in something where you have to keep walls up? Eh, it's not about 'walls,' it's about enjoying a part of someone. You have a slice of cake, not the whole cake. Everything else is just greedy.
bolase Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 bullsh**...you should be (ideally) excited by everything about a person...so you can just go for it, no holds barred...my advice to myself
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 Hey, whatever floats your boat. I don't need the whole cake, a slice will do me just fine.
bolase Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 hmmm I don't think this analogy translates to people with feelings well, it's kind of disrespectful but, if the cake is class, you'll end up wanting more than one slice. maybe learning what goes into that cake too. If it's not...you'll feel full, but probably have cake envy looking around. thats not satisfying. 1
sweetjasmine Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 There are so many posts around about FWBs. I recently went on a few dates with a guy and he told me that he is still healing after his break up and would like to have FWB for now "with a possibility of more in the future". I pretty much said "no thanks" and refuse to see him again. It's not that I like this guy so much that I am sure I want a LTR. It's just that FWB dynamic feels disrespectful to me, and I don't want to invest my time or possibly start developing feelings where chance of things working out are nil. As for sex, I only care for it if it's a part of a loving relationship. I have also never had FWBs in the past and rejected it each time it was offered to me. I wonder if there are other women that feel like that. I'm like you. The only thing that I'd disagree with is the FWB dynamic being disrespectful. It seems like there are some cases where it would be disrespectful and other cases where it might not be. But it's still not something I'd be into for the other reasons you listed.
Tres Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 A FWBs relationship does not give anything to girls. Girls want to satisfy their emotional needs in a relationship much more than to satisfy their sex drive. A FWBs relationship drains emotional energy from girls. IMO, girls will do FWBs, if they are not experienced in this kind of relationships. So, they do not know yet how unpleasant it is going to be. As for other girls, they will do FWBs, if they believe that they have no other choice. They think that they are hopeless in relationship department for some reason. They think that FWBs is better than nothing. Women in 40s and older will do FWBs, especially, if they were married all their life and they were totally deprived of sex because of that.
Yamaha Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 This works only if both parties are selfish about sex and are only concerned about themselves. If you care about the other person then "emotionally" you will get involved.
Kamille Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 (edited) I had a FWB when I was 20. That was so long ago (13 years) and at the time I wasn't really aware of the categories or the stereotypes that go along with them. Basically he was a guy friend of mine and we slept together while knowing neither one of us wanted a relationship with the other. It ended when I met someone else, and for awhile our friendship was weird but now we are back to being on good terms. So, really, there was nothing disrespectful about it. We were literally "friends who had sex", with more care given to the friendship than the sex part. Could I do it again? Hmmm... Probably, if the situation was right, just like back then. The thing is: I couldn't enter a relationship that was disrespectful. But in my experience, FWB doesn't automatically equal a lack of respect. Edited March 13, 2010 by Kamille
Barky Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 hmmm I don't think this analogy translates to people with feelings well, it's kind of disrespectful but, if the cake is class, you'll end up wanting more than one slice. maybe learning what goes into that cake too. Well YMMV, but not I. I can have a bite or two of the tastiest cake on the planet and say, "Wow, that was some good cake, best cake I ever tasted," and then walk away. I'm not greedy in the slightest (which might be why I'm so thin. Hmm.)
bolase Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 its selfishness...people dont want you to take a part of them and walk. That's not a nice way to treat em.
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