Getting over her and the weird feelings that are accompanied by it.

[OOReeee]

It's been over a month since I was dumped, and the horrible depressing feeling is slowly beginning to fade away.

Right now, while I am being NC, she is still trying to be friends, though I think she is getting the message (last night she was supposed to go to the bars, heard I am going to be there and decided not to go).

The thing is, that to me the negative things are beginning to float.

Because I am trying to heal it's really hard for me to be with anyone else, and it's really frustrating and it makes me be mad at her. In addition, the fact that she is mad at me for being NC also makes me mad at her, and on top of that, mutual friends of ours keep telling me that not only should I be happier without her, they were surprised I was with her in the first place because I am too good for her.

That makes me feel weird.

It's weird for me to be so negative. It's weird for me to have a completely different image of someone I used to care about, and in addition it's just weird for me to think that I spent the time I did with her with being blind to all the negative aspects. It's kind of frustrating and it's a state of mind that I am just not used to.

 

What do you guys think? Did you ever feel like you are being too negative or too frustrated about your old relationship that it just made you feel bad in general? What did you do to make it more negative?

 

I just want to move on with my life but she is still there, in the corner.

[Rearden Metal]

You seem like you're doing Ok, all things considered. It takes time to go through all the stages. Don't rush yourself, every day will inch forward and you'll be good as new one day when you're not thinking about it.

[yume]

My friend told me the same thing about my ex...she said that she thought I could do better...and that if I stayed with him it would be settling for something less.

 

And she was right.

 

Your friends just want you to be happy. Breakups suck, and you go through all manner of emotions - it is unfortunate that you experience bad feelings about something that used to be positive, but don't let it drag you down. The days go by faster if you keep yourself busy.

[jerrytodd]

It's weird for me to have a completely different image of someone I used to care about, and in addition it's just weird for me to think that I spent the time I did with her with being blind to all the negative aspects. It's kind of frustrating and it's a state of mind that I am just not used to.

 

My opinion is that, to some extent, we look for the faults now because it helps us feel better that it is over. Its so hard to have perspective this soon after a breakup.

 

What helped me was to make a list of good and bad. I took a look on the net about "good qualities in a wife" and there were some interesting thoughts.

 

For my ex she was sexy, smart and beautiful but completely untrustworthy in that the next thing that excited her would likely draw her away. So the fact I would never ever not be checking emails and phone records for the rest of my life has made up for the loss. But it took a few weeks to come to that realization - a few weeks or months of hurt is OK in exchange for not having years of mistrust.

 

I also have a ton of resentment for the imbalance of the effort into the relationship. I dont know when that will end, if ever.

Edited March 13, 2010 by jerrytodd