bluebird2 Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I have been very close with this person for over 3 years now. We have definately had our many rocky times together but we always seem to overcome it and come back closer and stronger. Weve been spending a lot of time with one another for the last 7 months. We never gave anything a label and were not sleeping with one another but were not sleeping with anyone else either. We would speak or see one another nearly every day. He would visit me at work a few times a week. We were pretty inseperable. We were stuck in a snow storm in february and just spent the day drinking, playing games, laughing and having a really wonderful time with one another. We ended up sleeping with one another. I left his house and things seemed fine. He was acting kind of distant for a few days after but I was pretty sure things were ok. We were out a week or two later and we finally spoke about what had happened and he said he would like that to happen again/more often. So we went home together that night and spent the next entire day together. Due to circumstances and things we didnt spend much time together for another week. Kind of under the assumption he was trying to make this go somewhere, we went back to his house and were watching television and drinking. It gets to be pretty late and he tells me its time for me to leave. Kind of drunk and upset, I left and sent him a text message saying "he cant do this to me anymore." He responded the next day saying "he wasnt the one doing" and then we didnt speak for over a week. I was out in the city randomly about and I see him out with another girl/his new roommate andd it seemed to be a little less than innocent. I just simply broke. I have put a lot of care and energy into this person and constantly feel rejected by him. When things are goodd they are great but he is so hot and cold. I was pretty hysterical andd called him later but coul not really bring myself to speak. He hasn't tried to contact me though Ive tried a couple of times now to talk about what is going on. He seems concerned that I am ok when Ive spoken to him but has made no effort to talk to me. Is he guilty? Is he just throwing me away? I wish I didnt care so much for him as a person outside of our romantic moments and that I didnt have such a history. Im so broken up right now though and just want to speak to him and am really at a loss about what to do.
Ilovecake Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Let me ask you first a few questions because there is a big gap in your story and it makes it a bit confusing. When you say he can't do this to me what do you mean? What was he doing to you? Did you guys actually have an understanding that you were in an exclusive relationship? It seems to me that if you never discussed where your relationship is and where it is headed he had every right to think that you are two friends who have had a few intimated moments, nothing more. You can’t just assume someone is your “boyfriend” unless you have that discussion. It sounds to me like he’s feeling pressured and is pulling away from you because his feelings are not the same as yours but until you sit down and honestly and calmly have this conversation you will never know. Do not approach him with anger and tears because you'll just scare him more. I’m not sure that he did anything wrong here.
LovelyDaze Posted March 15, 2010 Posted March 15, 2010 Let me ask you first a few questions because there is a big gap in your story and it makes it a bit confusing. When you say he can't do this to me what do you mean? What was he doing to you? Did you guys actually have an understanding that you were in an exclusive relationship? It seems to me that if you never discussed where your relationship is and where it is headed he had every right to think that you are two friends who have had a few intimated moments, nothing more. You can’t just assume someone is your “boyfriend” unless you have that discussion. It sounds to me like he’s feeling pressured and is pulling away from you because his feelings are not the same as yours but until you sit down and honestly and calmly have this conversation you will never know. Do not approach him with anger and tears because you'll just scare him more. I’m not sure that he did anything wrong here. I FULLY agree with Ilovecake. I ALSO went through just about exactly what you just went through! I was dumped by my ex in Oct '09 and just got around to dating this year. One guy I particularly liked and I started to hang out, have dinner, went to events, never had sex but made out and texted/called each other often (99% HE contacted me) So one day, I was on FB and see he added a female friend, no biggie, most have guy/girl mix obviously on social networking sites. But then on the HOME page, she tagged a photo of him and herself snuggling at a sporting event! I was SO angry and started to analyze how slowly but surely he wasn't contacting me as much and so forth. We NEVER defined ourselves as a couple..even with the pet names we gave each other and the holding of hands out in public. Since I was the one that put my feelings involved and realized that his wasn't as strong, I gracefully bowed out and have not accepted his calls any longer. Why? He claimed he was elsewhere on the day he took her to that social event. So even he knew I would be upset in some fashion. Just let him go. Learn like I have. Be honest while you are dating someone. If you want to date exclusively or randomly...say it, that why it is clear to both what is going on.
Recommended Posts