AppleGirl Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I wasn't sure where to put this, so I guess here is as good as anywhere. Me, 35 and divorced. Him, 36 and divorced. We both have children from these relationships. We live together and are engaged. We have been together for several years. Long story short, a year ago we paid $8000 so that i could have a tubal reversal so that we could have a child together. I did get pregnant last year, which ended in an ectopic pregnancy. I ended up having to take several doses of a chemotherapy drug in order to disrupt the cell division of the fetus and prevent tubal rupture, so I didn't bleed to death internally. It has been six months and I still have not gotten over it. I feel like I killed my baby. It has been a year since my tubal reversal and no successful pregnancy has occured. The specialist has suggested that we try invitro, but I don't know if I can take anymore heartbreak. I feel like a desperate, sad woman. I have started buying pets. I know, it sounds so insane but I am desperate to replace the baby that I lost. I just want something soft, to nuzzle and cuddle. I don't know what to do. I now have a dog and two guinea pigs and almost bought a rabbit today. I desperately want a baby that is mine. One that I raise in a commuted relationship, not a broken one where I share custody. I don't even feel like a mother anymore...just a part time parent. I need some advice before I keep buying more pets
Meaplus3 Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 Sorry for to hear about all you have been through apple. Now, have you talked to your SO about invitro? If so what are his thoughts? Mea:)
quankanne Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 sounds like you would benefit from grief counseling/therapy so that you can come to terms with what's happened. Because I can only imagine it feeling something similar to a miscarriage – my heart goes out to you. meanwhile, what has your honey said about all of this? Is there some process you can agree on together that you can follow? As in try for the next year or so to get pregnant by the "usual means" then consider adoption or invitro or what have you? Having a game plan might give you a better grasp on your future, though it's not going to make your sadness go away. hugs, q
yume Posted March 13, 2010 Posted March 13, 2010 I'm sorry if this sounds unfeeling, but what about your other kids? They aren't good enough for a kiss and a hug? You only mentioned them when you stated they're from a previous marriage... I agree with the suggestion about seeing a therapist, or doing group therapy. It really helps to talk things out with another person / people present. Also, it's not your fault it became ectopic. Maybe your body is just..not meant to have more children? It is unfortunate, not being able to have children inside of a stable relationship with someone you love... In any case, I hope you start taking steps to get through the grieving process. Involve your fiancee with your recovery, because I'm sure he's sad as well.
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