How do I handle this?

[Angel Pie]

So my bf and I live together but the last while it has been nothing but fights. Our last blowout turned physical and we had avoided each other after that for days. He tried to show how sorry he was but never said it. We got into a fight about why we fight, how we react and we just couldnt see eye to eye. At home, I sleep in the bedroom, he sleeps on the couch. When we are home together everything we do is seperate. Having this time away from him has allowed me time to think about each of the roles we played. I dont think I really ever understood how men are so much different then women, I tried to force him to talk, I lost my independence, my confidence, I questioned my trust for him. All of these things I did made him resent me. I dont even know how it started as I was always so confident, independent, and fun. We were so in love...some how i lost myself along the way and his reactions to that made us fall apart.

 

My question is...now that I know the part I played and have said sorry, how do I go about this situation? I dont want to throw away our relationship but he seems to have given up because so much has happened and he doesnt see a point because it hasnt gotten better yet. I read that i should keep my space and not talk to him and give him his space to think about things...But how do I give him space when we live together? When I come home from work, we talk like we are together, I cant avoid him. Im just so confused. He doesnt talk. period. So i cant talk to him about fixing things. I really need some advise on this situation...

[Ronni_W]

Hi Angel Pie.

If he's given up and won't/can't communicate with you on an emotionally intimate level or won't/can't at least attempt to resolve problems together...then there just is not very much you can do on your own to improve conditions.

 

There are a few books you might want to try:

 

1. 'Forgive for Love' by Fred Luskin. (On sale for US$0.99 at BookCloseOuts.com -- you may want to order 2.)

2. 'Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown At A Time' by Jaci Rae. (US$1.99 at same site. Geared towards men mostly but not exclusively.)

3. 'how to improve your marriage without talking about it' by Love and Stosny (you could check the library)

4. 'We can work it out: How to solve conflicts, save your marriage and strengthen your love for each other' by Markman and Notarius (again, check library)

 

Outside of the relationship. It sounds as if you're already aware that you need to start being and acting more 'you' -- confident, independent and fun!

I know it's difficult when one is feeling crappy...but the sooner you do it, the less crappy you'll feel.

Maybe check meetup.com and find out what interesting groups are meeting in your area -- or start one yourself. Book club, movies, bird watching, astronomy...whatever you're into or want to learn next.

 

Hugs, and best of luck.

[ADF]

Your relationship is over. It is just on artificial life support, like a brain-dead comatose patient who will never awaken. Not only is it "getting physical," but your BF is clearly not trying anymore and, I predict, will soon move on. Enough already.