rockrchik Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 Ok, it's a long story, but I need some good advice. I used to be friends with this girl from work, I'll call her "Emily". Emily seemed to be a very different but very sweet girl. We had some things in common and both needed a friend. We became friends, and over time "best friends." Little did I know what disappointment that would cause. Emily stated that I was her only true best friend. She had a boyfriend that was very controlling and wouldn't let her hang out with anyone besides me. (Or so she said.) A few months ago, Emily started working night shift, I remained day shift at my job. She met this girl named "Pam". Pam loved to party and drink and was a big time flirt. However, Emily forgot all about me and started hanging out with Pam, drinking and sleeping with strangers (something she told me she'd never do) and ignored me, and still ignores me at the moment. Whenever I see her she is texting away on her phone, but whenever I send her a text message, she never responds. Why is she acting like this? I have done so much for her. I bought her flowers when her cat died, wrote words of wisdom to her when she was sad, I was there for her whenever she was sad- I listened to every new installment of "my butthead boyfriend won't let me go anywhere". I don't understand why she treats me this way after claiming to be my friend, her only friend, her "best friend." I'm very upset. I don't like being treated like this. Why did this happen and could anyone help me figure out what to do and how to move on. What is the best and nicest yet honest way to handle this and my disappointment. Was I a bad friend? How did I go from being her "best friend" to being a nobody?
quankanne Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 you're not being a bad friend, but it sounds like Emily has had a taste of freedom, and she's running wild with it. It could be that you represent a kind of "proper" behavior because you've been friends through what might be a troubled period for her, so she's avoiding you so she doesn't have to hear you say things that might make her feel guilty. Bad analogy, but think about how a dog responds when you yell at it – he does he best to avoid you because he thinks he's being bad even though his behavior might not be unusual to you, and until he feels it's "safe," he's not going to come around. friendship can be like that: When you identify certain people with certain kinds of behavior, you tend to avoid them when you're doing something different. you have the option to remain her friend and try to be understanding of her need to try different things, even though it hurts being ignored/shut out, or you can quit the friendship because you don't want to deal with someone whose maturity level isn't conducive to the friendship you'd hoped to foster. my guess is that when Emily gets all of this out of her system, she's gonna come back around, with a hang-dog attitude until she understands that you've forgiven her for the hurtful stuff she's done.
Author rockrchik Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 It could be that you represent a kind of "proper" behavior because you've been friends through what might be a troubled period for her, so she's avoiding you so she doesn't have to hear you say things that might make her feel guilty. Bad analogy, but think about how a dog responds when you yell at it – he does he best to avoid you because he thinks he's being bad even though his behavior might not be unusual to you, and until he feels it's "safe," he's not going to come around. [/Quote] I understand where you're coming from, but it's not like I'm going to scold her or yell at her for her behavior. I just miss hanging out and don't get why she had to stop talking to me. Unless you mean she feels guilty/bad and is afraid to approach me?
quankanne Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 my guess it's a guilty conscience is holding her back – she doesn't want you to think badly of her because she's doing stuff she said she'd never, ever do, and because she's behaving very, very differently than what had been before ... leave her be for now, but from time to time, just simply tell her you miss her. At some point, she's going to come to the conclusion that you aren't sitting in judgment of her, but love her and miss her dearly. there are lots of simple but sweet cards out there that let the reader know they're missed ...
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