justagirl09 Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 As opposed to having a committed relationship? I have been single a year and a half after being in a relationship for 10-years. I kind of have a interesting relationship with this guy, but its casual. We basically see each other to have "fun". We do care about each other, and we dont sleep with anyone else, but are free to date. He was also in a LTR, and got burned really bad. We had our go round for a while, but he didnt want to commit, and i though i wanted a relationship too. After some soul searching though, i realized i didnt. I realize i want companionship, but I need to be on my own for a while, and do things i wasnt able to do, and have goals i want to reach.
carhill Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 It's kinda like meeting up with a friend for a beer, but then you get to f*ck. You go home, think 'well, that was fun', then roll over and hit the hay. Life goes on. If it's a different 'friend' each day or each week or whatever, hey, that's good too. Variety is important in life. Not my cup of tea but there's a world of people out there who live like that every day. Enjoy.
craw Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 benefits: CONSTANT SEX & it's not restricted to one person! **** whoever you want and when you want! It's still having your independence and knowing you will have a steady booty call at the end of night if things don't work out.
D-Lish Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 It will always become complicated. At some point, one person will want more or less than the other- and because it's not exclusive, a third party will inevitably show up at some point. It's fine when it's meeting both your needs as long as your needs are in synch. It's better to be the party that is less invested than the other. After my divorce, I had a few relationships that I deemed casual, and I was perfectly happy because I wasn't invested. I could see them when I wanted, always on my terms, and it was good for me. Unfortunately I ended up hurting a few guys along the way. In a FWB situation, one person will always be a little more invested than the other- and that person will be the disadvantaged one, and usually ends up getting hurt.
ADF Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I think of lot of it boils down to gender differences. For many men--I want to say most men--being in a committed, LTR is NOT the ideal situation. For men, having a FWB is the ideal situation. In a FWB relationship, a guy gets all the benefits of having a GF, but with no strings. It is the ultimate win/win situation for him. Women sometimes enter into FWB relationships in the hopes they will grow into "something more." This is a mistake. They almost never do, because the men don't want them to become anything more. Why should he? He's already getting everything he wants, while giving her nothing in return. In fact, if a man's FWB presses him to become more serious, 9 times out of 10, he will just end the relationship. I am sure there are exceptions to this pattern, but this is the way many, if not most, casual relationships play out.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I think I could have an ongoing FWB situation, and I never thought I would say that. But after dealing with all the boyfriend crap enough times, that's what I think. I did try with the last guy I dated, but he wanted more and couldn't handle it. I have learned that you can't rely on anyone else to take care of you or really be reliable, so you damn well better take care of yourself. That's why my top priorities right now are me and my business. And I must say, I am kicking butt. If I meet a guy who blows me away and makes it easy on me, cool. But at the moment, I'm not going out of my way to find him.
Star Gazer Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 It's kinda like meeting up with a friend for a beer, but then you get to f*ck. You go home, think 'well, that was fun', then roll over and hit the hay. Life goes on. If it's a different 'friend' each day or each week or whatever, hey, that's good too. Variety is important in life. Not my cup of tea but there's a world of people out there who live like that every day. Enjoy. Yeah. I guess the one term that came to me was "freedom." But that freedom can also be hollow and empty.
spookie Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 the benefits are sex, companionship, occasionally even friendship. it works great for the party who knows they want nothing more with that person. unfortunately its rare that thats the case for you both.
craw Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I think I could have an ongoing FWB situation, and I never thought I would say that. But after dealing with all the boyfriend crap enough times, that's what I think. I did try with the last guy I dated, but he wanted more and couldn't handle it. I have learned that you can't rely on anyone else to take care of you or really be reliable, so you damn well better take care of yourself. That's why my top priorities right now are me and my business. And I must say, I am kicking butt. If I meet a guy who blows me away and makes it easy on me, cool. But at the moment, I'm not going out of my way to find him. yup you definitely kick ass! <3
make me believe Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 It will always become complicated. At some point, one person will want more or less than the other- and because it's not exclusive, a third party will inevitably show up at some point. In a FWB situation, one person will always be a little more invested than the other- and that person will be the disadvantaged one, and usually ends up getting hurt. I absolutely agree with this! I think what usually happens is a third party shows up and then the person who isn't involved with that third party gets jealous and suddenly wants something more than a FWB situation. OR, one of the people is just more invested from the beginning and they are counting on their FWB eventually turning into a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's very rare that both people are actually ok with the arrangement, even when they both claim to be.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 It's very rare that both people are actually ok with the arrangement, even when they both claim to be. Yes. The guy I mentioned above said he was OK with it, but it was obvious he was hoping I would change my mind. He admitted this to me after I broke it off.
tigressA Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I was in a casual relationship two other times before my current one. The very first one was great--we wanted exactly the same things, it never evolved into either one of us wanting more than sex. The second one became a personal hell after I fell in love with him; took me more than 2 years to get totally beyond it. Now I'm in an open relationship with a guy I've been seeing for 3 months. It's going well, but sometimes I get the feeling that overall he's more invested than I am, since I'm the only one who still seems of a mind to date others. It could end up getting complicated. Thing is, OP, it's a mixed bag. As long as you or he don't decide you want something different out of your current situation while the other is fine with the way things are, then you're all good. But if things become unbalanced, better to break it off ASAP to avoid a lot of pain and complication.
Barky Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 There are few things more wonderful in life than a relationship where both people just want to use each other for sex.
MyNameIsJonas Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I actually just got out of a FWB/Casual relationship with a young woman. I have to agree with the majority of the posters thus far: even if the man/woman set rules in the beginning, and are "in-sync" as an eariler poster put it, it will almost always end in someone getting hurt. The young woman and I had a long talk last night and we both left the situation feeling a little hurt. Neither one of us was expecting anything more, but certain expectations weren't met on either end, and she decided to end the physical component of our friendship. We are both still friends, even though our friendship is a little strained right now. I've personally decided after this situation that I'm not doing the FWB thing again. I would rather get physically involved with someone in which I have legitimate feelings; I always felt guilty with this young woman because I felt like she was falling for me (turned out to be not true). To each his/her own though: I've known people who have pulled off the FWB thing well, and known others where it has fallen apart and they have lost a good friend in the process.
Barky Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 even if the man/woman set rules in the beginning, and are "in-sync" as an eariler poster put it, it will almost always end in someone getting hurt. Only if one or both parties have no self-control. Yeah, if you can't help "falling in love" with someone just because you've bumped uglies a few times, then a casual relationship just ain't for you.
Author justagirl09 Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 It will always become complicated. At some point, one person will want more or less than the other- and because it's not exclusive, a third party will inevitably show up at some point. It's fine when it's meeting both your needs as long as your needs are in synch. It's better to be the party that is less invested than the other. After my divorce, I had a few relationships that I deemed casual, and I was perfectly happy because I wasn't invested. I could see them when I wanted, always on my terms, and it was good for me. Unfortunately I ended up hurting a few guys along the way. In a FWB situation, one person will always be a little more invested than the other- and that person will be the disadvantaged one, and usually ends up getting hurt. We had our go round, and i finally came to the realization that it will never be anything real. I am dating, but just taking a break right now. We care about each other alot, but he is 8 years younger, and although age doesnt matter, realistically i know that he will eventually want to get married and all that. I am divorced and i just dont see that happening anytime soon. So,its kind of a wierd situation. We care about each other, and i know he wouuld be there for me if i ever needed him, but its NSA and always will be. It was worse a few months ago, when i was totally loyal to him and not seeing anyone else, but now i just find a distraction by talking to/dating other guys, going to singles parties, etc.
Author justagirl09 Posted March 13, 2010 Author Posted March 13, 2010 I think of lot of it boils down to gender differences. For many men--I want to say most men--being in a committed, LTR is NOT the ideal situation. For men, having a FWB is the ideal situation. In a FWB relationship, a guy gets all the benefits of having a GF, but with no strings. It is the ultimate win/win situation for him. Women sometimes enter into FWB relationships in the hopes they will grow into "something more." This is a mistake. They almost never do, because the men don't want them to become anything more. Why should he? He's already getting everything he wants, while giving her nothing in return. In fact, if a man's FWB presses him to become more serious, 9 times out of 10, he will just end the relationship. I am sure there are exceptions to this pattern, but this is the way many, if not most, casual relationships play out. Definitely are exceptions. I have stopped talking to him a couple times, and both times he ended up calling and texting me appologizing and saying he never meant to hurt me and that he still wants to talk to me. We ended up not seeing each other for like 3 months and i was focused on other people. Then we started seeing each other again. We really do have great chemistry together.
Recommended Posts